Sunday, February 20, 2005

Million Dollar Heartache

We went tonight to see Million Dollar Baby. I cried, hard. Ryan and I just held one another afterward in how close my life was to that movie. It makes my tear ducts well up thinking about it. It easily could have happened to me - some freak accident while in the ring. Things are so intense, going at such speed and power that all it takes is a moment.

I admire her character. Her vitality was amazing. She had such a radiance - such a will to do what her heart screamed at her to do and no one could tell her otherwise. I have felt that - it rocks you to the bone. It makes champions - but only if you are willing to risk everything. And that is not an understatement. EVERYTHING.

So for life to move on - for my coaches to move away and my desire to pursue boxing dwindled, I think I'm finally ok with that. I have always felt some regret for stopping -it consumed my world for 3 solid years. I lived it, breathed it, dreamt boxing. But seeing that movie tonight, and the very real possiblity of getting seriously injured increasing tenfold each time I stepped between the ropes..... well I am thankful. I lost some blood, but not much and I almost broke my nose, but didn't. And I most certainly did not lose my sanity, not even close. But I could taste it.

I missed the drive, the connection, the passion of a sport. For 3 years I felt lost. Until recently. I have a feeling in my gut that cycling will be my next milestone. And this time, I am not going to let go.

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