Thursday, December 15, 2005

crying wolf - again

So every couple of months I get this frantic email (email - not a phone call - I'm not sure if he even has my phone number any more) from my dad saying how I should call my grandparents routinely because they are dying. I don't mean to sound harsh - I love my grandparents a lot - but my dad makes these alarms and hairs raise off my neck that drive me insane. He's not on the same wave length as some - our only communication has been via email because he's either too chicken shit to pick up the phone and risk talking to Ryan (like Ryan would pick up the phone, we have caller id) or call my cell phone because that would take too much time and energy. Instead he writes me scathing emails that can easily become misconstrued and misunderstood and expects me to do exactly what he asks when he asks them. We have such a strained relationship as is because of a run in Ryan and he had a little over a year ago. I honestly don't know what to do because he has made no attempt to move on from the run in - just ignore it and thinks it went away. Too bad this whole thing put me directly in the middle - where I refuse to be so what do I do? Ignore it as well. That's terrible. And I'm the one calling the kettle black.

It is such a mess that I would rather ignore it then deal with it - because if I try it will just blow up in my face. I feel like emailing him back and saying - thanks for the phone call. I appreciate hearing this in your own voice. UGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So this is totally a rant - I'm warning you now.....
What do you do if your husband and father hate each other's guts? My dad and hubbie got into a political tiff last November and have since refused to talk to one another. I won't go into the details - but the jist is they don't see eye to eye and now think of each other as dog meat.
As the years have passed - I have grown ultra distant from my dad. He wasn't there much when I was growing up ... my mom did the majority of the parenting. When they divorced he was even more removed and became the "every-other-weekend" dad who had no rules and let us do what ever we wanted so long as we put on a happy face in front of family. Flash forward 10 years to college - where I met the love of my life. We connected and decided to get married after 5 years of dating. Other than the occasional family gathering I didn't see or hear much from my dad. On my wedding day he told me that he had wished his father had asked him what he was about to ask me - are you sure he's the one? That tore at me for a couple years - shouldn't a father be supportive of their child's decision? Then he and Ryan have this big huge rift and I get stuck in the middle. Added to an already strained relationship and now the only communication I receive from my father is via email. He doesn't even have the courage to pick up the phone. And now my grandparents health is failing and he's suddenly back in my life emailing me telling me what to do. This is really upsetting me.

How about being there when it's a non-emergency? Instead of only showing up when it's absolutely necessary? And you wonder why I don't come running when something like this happens? Why not pick up the phone yourself??????????????

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