wake up call

Haven't had a 2am wake up in a LONG time.

And here it is - 2 am and I'm awake.

I went to Bellingham for the weekend and a had a good time. Christi accompanied me and we visited a lot with Tom and Trish and saw a little bit of Molly between her work schedule. We did some great riding - on Saturday in the pouring 45 degree rain along Lake Padden, parallel to Lake Sammish, out Alger, along Lake Whatcom, stopping at the train trestles and then looping back to Lynn Street. As it rained from the ground up, I couldn't help but smile at our insanity to ride in the nasty weather - Ryan would have thought I was nuts but would have also been so proud. It was the last route we took together when we rode in Bellingham in August, except for the final Northshore loop. Which we ended up doing yesterday during the beautiful, cold crisp fall day. I got to see and visit a lot of our old haunts - and it made me sad but also happy to have those memories. There are so many more littered all over the ham.

Grieving is hard. So hard.

One minute you're ok with things and you think, wow - I'm doing ok. And then the next you're slammed to the ground, unable to move and barely able to breath. Paralyzed by tears, burdened by sadness. Waking up at 2 am with an ache in your heart that feels like a black hole. You long for his touch, the feel of his skin in clean sheets. I so miss my Ryan.