Monday, October 06, 2008

Manic Monday

Just finished picking up the leaves in the back yard that were blown around this weekend. I poked my head in the greenhouse to put on my green gardening gloves to pick up the leaves and a strong sense of missing you washed over me. I sobbed, let it out - and then continued picking up the debris.

I think one of the hardest parts about your death is thinking that you experienced any pain. It pains me to think you suffered in any way at all - looking at your clothing is a vivid reminder of how suddenly you were gone. Your harness - the bits of rope you had on you - your lunch, which I can't seem to throw away yet. These waves are tough but I know it's part of healing.

Thank you for the warm moment this morning. After waking up early, I decided to do some living room Yoga and during the breathing and meditation exercises I felt you enter the room, put your arms around me and let me feel you. I thought of you - and felt you touch me - similar to the movie Ghost. Thank you for that.

I tried getting back there - but wasn't able to. That's it - I'm becoming a yoga fanatic.

6 comments:

from across the driveway said...

Jen, I'm sorry it is so hard. I was coming over to say hi this morning but by the time I got organised, you had gone out. Sending you a big hug. Love Jo

Juicey said...

Thanks Jo. I think this morning was like the calm before the storm. It's POURING outside now! But I'm going to get out in it - and wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes you just have to get out and face those demons - be they emotional or in the form of precipitation from the sky!

from across the driveway said...

Too true, too true. Way to go Juicey. Speaking of rain ...your gutters! I can help you this weekend or even tackle the dreaded ivy! Tearing out the ivy might be really good dissertation therapy. See you for some hot tubbing this week?

Juicey said...

Mmmm italia is this week! we leave Friday. But you're on for tubing! I have a meeting tonight until about 9... but after that I'll come grab you and we'll take a dip!

Buttercupyaya said...

Jenn...you have a piece of my heart, honey. Your strength is award winning. Not everyone would be able to see the beauty in the things around them the way you do.

*and at the risk of sounding morbid...a photo of the lunch may be necessary...that way when you have to throw it out, you won't really have to let it go...i hope that came out right...
Dana xoxo

jaimie said...

I think what Dana said about the lunch is exactly what you need to do. Then when you are ready for the next chapter in your life, you have the choice to let go of the picture if you want.