Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Middle of the night...

I wish I could explain why I'm waking up in the middle of the night lately. Something is leaving me anxious and tonight I have a pretty good idea why. I finally took the plunge this week and bought a new car. I've been talking about it for years now and went so far as to test drive a Prius but just couldn't pull the trigger. Although they are nie cars, it just didn't suite me and I am so glad i held out.

A week ago i did a random google search on fuel efficient new cars and an Audi a3 popped up in a tdi that gets 42 mpg.... So later that week i went and test drove one and feel immediately in love. The dealer in the u-district wasn't game to wheel and deal so i walked out of their showroom after four hours of solid time put in to find the right car. They also looked at my golf as a trade in and offered $5,000 trade in value on it and I knew i would have much better luck selling it myself.

I made an appointment to have the interior and exterior detailed on monday with intention of listing it in craig's list and asking $8,000. I also went to another dealership Sunday and found my dream car in dark blue with light gray interior. Since i shopped around and knew financially what kind of burden I was getting myself into, committing and signing my name as the new owner didn't come as a complete surprise.

But what was a pleasant surprise was how quickly I was able to sell my old ar. Detailing it was money well spent and the first guy who came last night to view it bought it outright. I felt good selling it to him as he and his wife remind me of how ryan and i must have been when we first bought it.

I know it's just a car and that I had been thinking about selling it for years, even before ryan had passed. So i was kind if surprise when I started bawling my eyes out last night thinking about the memories we shared in the golf cart. How I would stare at the nape of his neck while he drove. How he was used to me looking at him, memorizing his profile and loving him with every inch of my body. I awake this morning thinking of Ryan and also take comfort in being able to remember him with such detail.

Now, if I could just fall asleep...


Jaimie said...

Well I tell you what Miss J, I guess I don't ever know what to expect from one of your entries. Sometimes they make me laugh, other times, I am just elated for you and your many accomplishments. But you may not know, when you mention Ryan, the tears start to flow immediately. The immense love I feel in the words I read is palpable. So many great memories for you and I am also glad that you remember them in such detail!
You are an amazing women and I am honored to know you.

Jacob O said...

Interesting stuff. Keep us these nice posts!