Sunday, October 30, 2016

Vampire Weekend

They're collecting dust in our basement, the hundred or so CD's I managed to hold onto from a previous lifetime. They're neatly stacked in a couple of bright orange U-Haul wrapping paper boxes. Artists and songs that instantly transport me to another time and space. A time when Ryan was still alive. A time when I still lived in Seattle. A time when things were different.

Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I'll come across Vampire Weekend. I think it's track 8. A pop album from a new band in 2008 that made a sudden impact. We had a bootlegged copy that would get stuck in our red VW Golf.

When I turned on the car for the first time after learning that Ryan died, this song came blaring to life on the speakers. We had traveled over the North Cascades Highway to retrieve the car parked at the side of the road next to Goat Wall. I didn't want the song to end. I didn't want time to continue to march on. I wanted to hit pause and savor every moment from the minute I found out the news. Every minute that passed meant I was further from my memories of Ryan, further from what had been.

That's what grief did to me. It made me want to stop everything, to absorb every last detail about life and lock it in.

It's been over 8 years since then. And music still transports me. And I've learned not to cling to every moment but to appreciate them for what they are - a reminder to live each day to the fullest.


aussie kev said...

I've read you blog on on off for years now, and other than cycling (I'm an avid track rider) never had anything more in common with you. read today's post and realised my wife and drove through cascades national park last year (from Concrete to Okanargan ( i think that's how its spelt!) small world !!!

Aussie Kev (Australia!)

Jennifer Sharp said...

Then you've experienced the beauty of the Pacific Northwest first hand! That small stretch of road is breathtaking. Thanks for reading all these years and glad we were able to make a connection, more than just cycling. Cheers!