Friday, February 27, 2009


Woke up in the middle of the night due to a strange ass dream. It went something like this:

I was boarding a commercial plane in route to Hawaii. It was one of those mammoth planes with 5 seats in the middle, and three on either side. Unlike normal planes, this one had an observation deck you could hang out on top, with a viewing deck. The plane took off and I was accompanied by some large woman. I think she was somebody's mom and I remember being slightly annoyed she was there. At first it was fun. The plane was circling the city, then it dove down under some low hanging telephone wires. I thought we were going swimming for sure but then the pilot took a sharp left turn, then a right and started climbing. Up and up it went - and the next thing I knew, I was hanging onto the tail end of the plane, with the fat lady barely hanging onto me. I panicked until I saw Ryan near an oxygen box at the front of the plane telling me to reach up and grab him and he would pull me to safety. I shook the fat lady off of me and flew through the air after being relieved of a heavy burden and grabbed Ryan. As soon as I was there, I put the oxygen mask on and the viewing deck compartment was encapsulated. At that point, I realized Ryan was gone. I called the flight attendant in the cabin and told her that I was above them and to please let my mom know I was safe but there were two other people who were goners - Ryan and the fat lady. She said, make yourself comfortable, there's nothing we can do until we land. The next thing I know, my mom is laying next to me, hold me tightly and telling me everything will be alright. Then I woke up.

I think the fat lady was my baggage that I carry around with me on a daily basis. They're things that annoy us because they're around - but often it takes some life altering occurrence to shake yourself free of it. Seeing Ryan and having him help me to safety did just that - suddenly it was survival mode and I said good bye to my baggage as she disappeared into the Pacific Ocean.

With Ryan's brief appearance in my dream - it's similar to how he shows up now. He's always with me and helps guide me to safety, yet once I'm safe, the reality of him not being around physically sets in. I feel fortunate for every brief encounter I have of him - even if its in my dreams.

My mom showing up later in my dream shows how much of an amazing support network I have and that no matter what, she'll be there to pick up the pieces.

Last night was a night for dreams too - I also dreamed Liz was eating a stick of butter. It was partially melted on her face, and she happily licked it off. I woke up laughing.

And then I also dreamed of climbing with Ryan but realizing that although we had ropes, we didn't have the right combination of them to rappel off the route. He went first gophering his head up from the rock, and then disappeared into an abyss.

What a trip.

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