Monday, January 26, 2009

Where oh where did you go?

I feel like I've lost my passion. It's been more pronounced lately - with the quickly approaching race season a short month away. I just don't have that drive that I used to. The thing that wakes me up in the morning, that gets me on the bike despite the weather. That keeps me eager for each day - knowing that time put into the saddle then will translate to being faster in the future.

It's lost. I go through the motions - but I can't help but feel empty when doing so.

Ryan was a constant daily reminder to live my passion. Follow something with my heart and soul. Live each moment, each heart beat by heart beat - and strive to be the best. He was so inspiring just by being him. And I'm having a hard time finding that same drive now that he's gone.

As I was driving over the Fremont bridge into work this morning, I couldn't help but ask myself, what's my passion? What keeps me excited each day? Cycling used to be my fire. But some how that's changed. And now I feel lost without having something to strive for. Being driven by passions is a curse and a blessing all at the same time.

I can only hope that one day it comes back regardless of its shape or form.


Stoked said...

That drive waxes and wanes for all of us--some days we're on fire and some days we want to sit by the fire. I'm pretty sure you still have that light in your eyes that says you're going to lay down some pain! :)

Buttercupyaya said...

I have faith that you will find it. maybe a little more healing time is needed. but don't give up. It's not in you.