15 Seconds of Fame

Got a call Saturday morning from Sena, a friend of Jonah and Annie's. Sena's employer is looking for someone with toned, athletic legs to ride a bike and be showcased in some upcoming secretive project. All I had to do is show up for the interview wearing shorts and let them film me. Oh if I get the job it pays $1,000 for one full day.

Sena text me the address and Sunday after our track workout I headed to said address on Capital Hill. The receptionist buzzed me in and then had me fill out a form with basic information but also included agent name, height, weight, bust size, shoe size, etc etc. Oh and I can include a head shot if I brought one.

Head shot?

Um, the last head shot I had was in boxing when some 14 year old kid threw and landed a devastating blow to my nose and ego.

The holding area, where a dozen or so interviewees sat looking the part was interesting. Apparently the company had contacted 3 casting agencies as well as ran an add in Craig List to get more participants. They were flooded. I ended up waiting about 40 minutes while a steady and constant stream of applicants came through. Luckily I had a book and was more than happy to sit on my duff trying to recover from our 2k pursuit efforts.

Finally my time was up to walk downstairs and do the screening. And that's where I ran into Sena, frantically working away on their project. She apologized for the delay and then I sat on a bench while waiting for my 15 seconds of fame.

I got to run in place and have a guy video me from left to right, and then a back profile. Then I ran on a tread mill for 10 seconds. And then they put me on someone's clunky mountain bike attached to a trainer for another 10 seconds. It was weird.

Next time I'm making some stuff up on my fact sheet - such as an agent. I could have put anyone down - so why didn't I get creative? And head shot? Would my face book photo work? Hopefully my legs did the talking and we'll be called back for the second screening....

Heavy Night

Every year the Rock and Reel film selections is shown at the Neptune on 45th. A nice group of climbing friends get together and go to dinner at Cedars before and then walk down to the movie and follow it up with beers at a pub. Ryan used to refer to these films as "rock porn" and anxiously would await their debut.

So last night after dinner, we sat upstairs and I only made it through 1.5 of the first two films. The first was a feature on a soloist who recently completed half dome, a 2,000 foot wall of sheer granite in Yosemite Valley. It is hard to even comprehend the enormity of the wall - unless you see it in person. And this kid decided to do it without a rope. There were some difficult moments in the film and as the audience nervously laughed at some of the jokes about certain death, I couldn't help but wonder if they were laughing for having not experienced losing a loved one. I also thought to myself, okay Jen. This is as in your face about soloing as it's going to get. You can do this. And I stayed in my seat as the credits rolled.

The second film, the one that sent me running out - was a film that hit even closer to home. It was about a couple who were madly in love. The had climbed some of the coolest stuff on the planet. You could see their happiness in every photo you viewed of them. And then one day, while driving down a road in Utah, Stanley lost control of his car and did several flips. Roberta died in his arms. At this point, I'm sitting there pretty numb. But then it starts to talk about his personal journey through the vortex of grief and how he finally felt prepared three years later to travel to Patagonia and scatter her ashes as a means to close the circuit.

And that's when I went numbly into the bathroom and let out loud, long sobs. I live with grief every day. To see it up front and personal and a reminder of the pain? A little to close to home. It really hasn't been that long.

Lincoln and Jonah were there for me when I came out of the bathroom, ready to leave and get out of there. We had only watched 20 minutes of a 3 hour movie. Talk about good friends. And as we sat around the table at the pub, discussing how bizarre it was to see that film and how close to home it was - Ai came strolling in. Turns out she couldn't take it either. After a few minutes of talking about it, we started to gross each other out with rat stories, daddy poop stories (courtesy of Jonah and Lincoln) and travels.

It was a heavy night.

Staying busy

If I sit idle for too long, my brain starts to wander and the ever-present grief starts to wade back up to the surface. I've found the best thing to do is to stay busy. Apparently that need has amplified this week as I find some usually neglected house chores can be checked off my list. I mean seriously - who cleans their gutters BEFORE it starts raining? And getting the hot tub ready for the cold season? Trimming down the ivy hedge and taking out lots of Goodwill items?

I suppose it just goes to show I'm trying to actively deal with the grief then let it settle back in. Those days are unavoidable, to be sure. But I'm trying to save them for when the weather turns crappy.

After the big push for Nationals I'm really looking forward to doing some hikes, climbs and fishing. Fall is such a beautiful time of year to reconnect with family and friends - something I've certainly neglected doing the past several months.

It's also time to start planning some adventures and traveling to places. Anyone got any trip ideas coming up?

"Last time before Nationals",

Jennie encourages me before my last set of VO2 efforts.

"Last chance to get strong."

And as I rode one of the most solid and consistent over-paced and over-geared efforts, I couldn't agree with her more. I'll try to paint the picture for you.

First you start the first lap from a medium paced roll and sprint up to get on top of the gear for the first lap. The second lap you're supposed to settle into a pace you can sustain for 4 more laps but they way I've been tackling them has been at light speed. That second lap can make or break the entire effort. Too fast and you fade hard in the end. Not fast enough and you try to make up the time in the proceeding laps. But since it's such a short effort (2k) it is critical you nail every aspect of the effort. And doing that at Marymoor can be a crap shoot. Some days are windy, some days are hot or cold and then there's the goose poop to contend with.

But today - well today was shocking. I went into the session calm and relaxed. I dialed in my food today and it showed. My times today were faster than our team pursuit efforts. I bettered my time from last week by over a second per lap.

It's definitely safe to say I'm ready for Nationals. The prep work is nearly complete and in two weeks we head down to LA to win a stars and bars jersey. I'm excited and stoked to express 150% of my ability.

As Jennie would say, "LOOK OUT!"

First Year.

Whew. What a weekend.

Through constant thoughts of Ryan, tears shed, laughter shared, food consumed, IPA's tipped - we all survived. Not only did we make it but we did so in style and celebrated the inspiring life of a man who touched so many lives and lives on in the spirit of many, many people. (And dogs too! (That was for Makiah, Riley Jean, Nissa, and Fay-dog.))

The anniversary date of Ryan's death has been looming on my mind for the past several months. As the world kept spinning, I found myself trying to figure out the best and appropriate way to commemorate him. I asked several people - blank looks. I turned to the Internet and surprisingly found little to no information on death ceremonies. Why is death so taboo? Especially in our culture? I mean it happens to everyone - so why don't we deal with it upfront more?

Needless to say, I was on my own.

Trish (Ryan's mom) has been feverishly working on a tribute art show for Bubba. Friday was the opening show at the Blue Horse Gallery. Up until that point I had only seen small thumbprints of the work. And when I walked into the room and my eyes settled on a 48" x 76" piece she did at the base of Goat Wall in such amazing detail and color with such emotion and love I started weeping. Weeping at viewing the pains that she has struggled with the past year since losing her son. Weeping that Molly lost her brother. Weeping that such a beautiful painting could make you almost fall to your knees in astonishment. And that was just the first painting.

As I slowly circled the room, absorbing the enormity of her work while being intercepted by close friends and family, it re-affirmed that all this time I've been struggling, so has she. I feel like words don't do her art show justice. You have to see it in person. You must see it in person. The show will be up until September 25th.

That night we gathered across the street with dear friends and tipped several IPA's back. You could feel Ryan there - in his element around his friends and loved ones. We nearly shut the bar down.

Saturday morning was a little fuzzy so the drive East over Highway 20 was a little rough. Not to mention we had 3 adults in my Golf with way too much gear, food and dog. The plan was to convene with several friends at 20 Skyline in Mazama and hang out. We hung out at Lincoln, Shelley, Jonah and Annie's rental just down the development and simply enjoyed each others company. They had rented the same cabin 2 years prior on the same weekend- and it was the perfect gathering place. Especially considering the cold fall weather encompassing all of the valley.

By Sunday, more and more people had showed up. By Monday morning, Trish, Tom, Dave, Kristin and Heidi showed up. We had 20 or so people in all. Amazing that all these people would take time out of their busy lives to celebrate Ryan. Just shows what kind of guy he was and who he attracted.

Both nights I had trouble sleeping. Grief was ripping through my body. I'd try to sleep and couldn't stop thinking about him. All of the memories I have with him suddenly flooded my brain. It was as though my brain decided to start taking inventory of our life together. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and it took me a couple of hours to fall back asleep. By Monday morning, I was fried. But I was also ready.

Close to 11 am, we all convened at the parking area for Goat Wall and started the strenuous hike up to the base of Prime Rib, the climb Ryan was on. It was hard. Several times I had to stop just to collect myself from sobbing. Everyone took their time getting up to the ledge at the base. Trish and Tom were the last to arrive. Tom read a poem written for Trish that was read at the art show. And then I brought out Ryan's ashes. We passed them around for everyone to get a handful of. To feel him one last time in our hands. And then we released them at the same time.

Although I cried A LOT that day, after ward and during - once I had scattered his ashes at the base of the climb surrounded by our dear friends and family - I felt at peace. I know I still have grief to go through and there will be bumps and setbacks in the road, to make it to the first year mark and have everything come together was perfect. I guess then I realized some things you shouldn't plan for - and that dealing with death is very personal and individual but it certainly helps to share experiences with loved ones. Thank you to each and everyone of you who have helped me in the journey to get to this point - you all mean so much to me.

So if you haven't already - make sure that you drink an IPA soon in honor of Ryan and living life to the fullest. Rest in peace Bubba. I love you.

And when great souls die, after a period peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly.

Our senses, restored, never to be the same whisper to us.

They existed. They existed.

We can be. Be and be better.

For they existed.

- Maya Angelo

This is just way too funny not to re-post. As seen on the American Alpine Institute Blog. Make sure you watch the videos in order...

Captain Kirk likes to climb mountains.

In Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, the movie starts with Captain Kirk most of the way up a free solo ascent of El Capitan. Of course, Spock has to mess things up by showing up in his jet boots.

We've posted this clip in the past, but we've never had William Shatner's commentary on the scene before. It's pretty funny. William Shatner is clearly not a climber.

So before we look at Mr. Shatner's comments on climbing, we have the scene from Star Trek V to refresh your memories:




This is the clip where William Shatner explains that mountain climbers like to hug and make love to the mountain:




And this is the remix of the clip fashioned as a musical.




Hahahahaha

Parallels

We planted two Filbert trees in our front yard several years ago. They were a gift from Tom and Trish - a couple of starters from their beautiful tree. We planted them on either side of the front yard.

A couple of years have passed and one tree is quite large - even producing nuts this year. The other tree is withering and nearly dead. This last year it really took a turn for the worse and I can't help but draw parallels between our two lives.

Tomorrow is our 8th wedding anniversary. This is the song we danced to so blissfully at our larger than expected wedding. And listening to it now rips my heart in half. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone this much.



Every time I listen to it, it transports me into your arms on our wedding day. By your side.

10 pounds for $10 - organic peaches at QFC. They're the size of my head and they're amazing!

Couldn't help but think back to a year ago - this was the last night I spent with Ryan. It makes me sad thinking how a year has gone by without him. His quick wit, funny demeanor, gentle ways and restless personality. Man oh man do I miss him.

Cracked

Found a breaking point yesterday in training. Which is a good thing to know! We went so hard that I loaded the legs up and couldn't recover fast enough. We were on track for a 3:47 at Marymoor. And then I exploded. Ka-pow!

Do you ever get to your desk at work and feel like your body is exhausted? Your eyes are barely staying open, you're having a hard time waking up. You feel relaxed but each limb feels like it weighs an extra 50 pounds?

Yep, weight training this early morning. Hopefully I can keep my eyes open at work.

Maybe it was the 20 pounds of blueberries and Marionberries that we picked yesterday (a piece!) or maybe it was cooking 3 batches of jam. But I'm pooped!!!

Uh oh...

http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/aug/22/okanogan-fire-destroys-home-prompts-evacuation/

These fires are getting closer and closer to our cabin in Mazama. We can only hope the wind subsides and things get under control in the Okanogan...

http://wenatcheeworld.com/article/20090822/NEWS04/708229901?Okanogan-fire---

http://www.krem.com/topstories/stories/krem2-082209-odenroadfire.105e5ffd4.html

Some times you just need to get away...

After a late night of track racing, Chris and I headed up last Saturday to the Methow Valley for some outdoor adventures. My legs were rocked - and the first day we just hiked up to Blue Lake and check out the scene. I had never been - only up the trail to the climbing area. I don't know why they call it blue lake - it looks aquamarine to me!



Makiah was happy to come along on the first part of our adventure. On Sunday we handed her off to Kyle and Laura for the week while we were hiking the Enchantments.



Since the Blue lake trail is short, we decided to hike up to the Goat Peak Fire Lookout and visit Lightning Bill. He's been stationed at the lookout for the past 10 days and was really looking forward to having a break. For the next three weeks, the Methow is in serious fire danger - especially with thunderstorms and threats of lightning strikes. Local fire crews stomp out any fire whatsoever since the danger is so high for the entire valley to light up. As we chatted with him, his eyes kept moving around the panoramic skyline. He's quite a character and really pleasant to chat with. Turns out he had 34 visitors that day!



We started the descent from the fire lookout just at dusk and the views were stunning. Lightning Bill definitely has one of the coolest jobs out there!




The next day we were fixed upon doing the SW Rib of the South Early Winter Spire. The route serpentine's the southern aspect of the spire and has a nice range of climbing - from cracks, to crimps to massive slab sketchy run outs. Someone got a little spooked on the 5.6+ - I won't mention any names but let's just say I almost feel asleep when the rope didn't move for 20 minutes! Turns out my next door neighbor is a guide and mentioned that pitch spooks her out too! (And threatens to bolt the damn thing!)



And who did we see on the approach and summit? Mr. Bryan Burdo. You can see him just behind my left shoulder - belaying his partner up.




This is a great shot of the spire from the approach/descent trail. You can descend in the gully between the spires or come down the arete, like we did. That night we hustled ass to get back into town before 9 - to no avail. Luckily the brew pub in Twisp still had some tasty soups and salads - even though it was a 30 mile drive from the pass with serious dusk-deer-crossing threats.



On Monday afternoon we met up with Johnny and Chleo in Leavenworth to grab our back country permit for 4 nights in the Enchantments. They stocked up on food while we made some dinner at my friend Karen's house and then around 8pm we started the 5 mile approach to Colchuck lake. Our packs weighed a meager 30 pounds - thanks to Chris's experienced mountaineering tricks. I would find out later what having such a light pack meant.

That night, when we had finally reached the lake with our head lamps guiding us, we hastily pitched our tents and settled down for the night. But about an hour later, huge gusts of winds ripped through the area - making for a short nights sleep. The next morning we made a quick pot of Joe and headed on our way - intermittently stopped by a few rain showers.




The next major hike - up and over Assguard Pass. Also known as Asshard pass. I roared up the trail - passing several descending parties who looked worse for the ware. Two separate parties said they were cutting their stay two days short because the winds and rain were too epic the night before. I can only imagine what it was like at 7,000 feet instead of our 5,000! As I climbed, being careful not to let my heart rate elevate too much - I stopped 3/4 of the way up to wait for Chris, Chleo and Johnny. I waited, and waited. And waited some more. Then I started to worry - thinking maybe they hurt themselves? And I waited some more. Then slowly, they came to my perch where we hung out for a while longer before pushing on.



The scenery at the top of the pass looks like something from another planet. Here you are perched at 7,000 feet or so and surround by huge granite mountains and beautiful snow lakes. It was certainly enchanting!



On we hiked making our way to Inspiration lake where we would set up camp for the next three nights. And back to why our packs were so light - lack of food! For the record - I wasn't absolutely starving - but we definitely were on a calorie deficit. Breakfast consisted of one instant oatmeal packet with protein powder added to the mix and a small handful of dried blueberries. Lunch was a cookie - or two if you were lucky! Yep, that's it! A cookie. Then dinner was dehydrated meals with cashews and olive oil added. That kind of food might sound nasty - but when you're starving yourself, you'll eat anything! And like it!



But with views of Prusik Peak and the surrounding mountains? Who needs food!

The next day we attempted to climb the West Ridge of Prusik Peak. Here's Johnny and Chris scouting the route.



Two pitches up we ran into some serious rain - showering down on us, making us retreat into a make shift cave, 1/2 way up the route. It poured for a good hour or so - wetting the rock and squashing our summit hopes. We arrived back at camp hungry but optimistic to try it again the next day.



Unfortunately the next day, fate would have other plans for Chris and I to make the summit this trip. While hiking up Prusik Pass, I started feeling light headed and sick. Apparently that morning's two cup of coffee wreaked havoc on my stomach and forced us to retreat from the climb. Johnny and Chleo made it up though - and had a great time on the rock!



That day the temps started to dip and the winds picked up. Our kitchen area where we had set up our stove was somewhat sheltered but it was still chilly for August! So Johnny and Chleo invited us into their tent for what turned out to be a heated game of spoons. The eventual winner? Chris aka the Badger Johns - who despite being kneed in the face from Chleo managed to win. Johnny and I sat out as we watched Chris and Chleo duke it out.

Here's Chleo later in the trip showing the Badger her teeth! Hissssss!!!!



Friday morning we woke up to snow. Yep, that white fluffy stuff. Sticking to our tent but not enough to stick to the ground. So what do you do when the weather sucks? You wait it out. And you hope your back doesn't give out on you for being horizontal for so long. And then you contemplate bring the stove inside your tent to cook some food - but just when you think you're going to start acting on that notion - it clears up! We packed up after breakfast and started the 11 mile descent through Snow Creek.



We got back to the car tired and of course hungry. But at that point my stomach had shrunk and I couldn't eat another single cookie! The guys did the car shuttle (we had left Johnny's car at the Colchuck Lake Trailhead) and we parted ways in Icicle Creek. They were headed to a wedding in Yakima and we headed to one in Plain.

A great trip - and a must do on everyone's bucket list. It left me recharged mentally and physically exhausted. I can't wait to go again! And next time, I think I'll be in charge of food. :)

I just put on some new aero bars on my bike. It took me about an hour to dink around, twist this, adjust that - but I think I got it.

And as I sat on my bike, in what feels like the best aero position I've ever been in, I couldn't help but wish so badly that Ryan was here. I wish he was here to see me give it EVERYTHING I've got. To go for it like I've never done before.

They say sometimes when you feel sad, it's because that persons energy is in the room. I wonder if he's hid my set of keys again?

Sorry about slacking on the trip report... I've been busy and trying to stay off the computer as much as possible since I got back. So far my neglected yard has had some attention, my car got washed, my bike is going to get some attention next - and then I'm onto planning more getaways.

I will say this though - my pursuit practice has been coming along very well. What we thought would be pacing for a 4:00 at Marymoor is now down around 3:50... 3 seconds shy of the track record. I suppose the altitude training did my body good - and so did losing a few pounds from basically not eating. But that's a whole story in itself and I hope to be able to share it soon...

Hope you're out enjoying the summer days.

And one more mention - one year is coming up quick. If you didn't catch my post before - Trish (ryan's mom) is having a tribute show to Ryan at the Blue Horse Gallery in Bellingham September 4 from 6-10pm. It should be an awesome tribute to Ryan - please come if you're available!

You know it's funny - we even saw that same goat this past week in that exact same location. What an amazing experience. I'm already planning my next adventure - this time to Patagonia!

Once I download some photos I do a trip report. For now, it's back to the bike!

Stolen from Seth's trip to the Enchantments in June. Looking forward to getting closer to the goats myself!

This weekend I'm headed to Mazama to check in at the cabin and then on Monday, Chris, Johnny, Chloe and I are headed up into the Enchantments for a week long trip of exploring the North Cascades. Should be amazing! Can't wait to snap photos and document our adventures....

A year ago...

As I sit at my desk and spend time surfing the blogs I enjoy reading, listening to the mellow tunes of Cold Play, I can't help but reminisce. A year ago - with all of the planets aligning - oblivious to outside forces about to rock my world. Life was so easy. I was growing older with my soul mate - encouraging one another to pursue life to the fullest.

Looking back to a post from a year ago...
"Monday, August 04, 2008
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/373440_k205.html

So you want to be a mountaineer? Yowsa.

Ryan and his friend Fitz attempted to climb "Vanishing Point" a 1,500 rock race that climbs up Mount Barring in the Index area. They obtained beta from Brian Burdo, a Northwest local who has put up hundreds of climbing routes throughout the North Cascades. There's two ways to climb it - one by hiking to the base of the mountain and the other by hiking up the back side of the mountain and then repelling down, only to climb back up.

They left Seattle Saturday morning and Ryan told me if I didn't hear from him by 2am on Sunday night then to call mountain rescue. (Standard issue for when goes out to climb big walls - but still scary nonetheless.)

So onward they pushed- 4 hours up the back side of the mountain - only to be enveloped in misty clouds - proving for poor visibility and no way to see the climb. He said the route was marked by lots of fluorescent ties from base jumpers who make the venture up - and then jump. They carefully climbed up to the edge of the rock, looking down to where they would have climbed had the weather cooperated. But when the sun didn't come out until 11 am on Sunday - their summit hopes were squashed. It took them just as long to descend the steep trail as it did to climb up it - and now they are both hungry to go back and conquer "Vanishing Point." Pictures to follow... "

Was he trying to tell me something then by mentioning Mountain Rescue?

I got a call later that Sunday from Ryan saying they had backed down and wanted to meet for sushi. I was so relieved. If that's not a warning sign, I don't know what is.

For some reason all I can think about today is that one day I woke up in January to snow on the ground and had the walk into the gym. I suppose you could say we paid our dues. Now it's nearing 100 degrees and supposed to stay there a few days in a row. I've got a paddle board reserved for mid-day and am smoking the 15.5 pound salmon I caught in the sound the other night. Life is good....

But in the midst of our heat wave - I am hoping and praying our forests don't explode into an epic fire. Lightening strikes have started several fires in the Baker/Snoqualmie forests.... check out this link for aerial photos on the area in question.

It's 67 degrees in my basement and I'm loving it. Time to work on the office for a change...

Mind over matter

It's interesting how sometimes you can learn and relearn the same lessons time and time again and sometimes in the matter of days.

My last post I mentioned being able to shut out a cracked fork and then come back and place 2nd in the miss and out. Well this year - things didn't go according to plan either. I lined up in a large field of women for the miss and out - typically my favorite race. This year the field would be whittled down to 5 ladies before one neutral lap and then a sprint to the finish. I circulated myself to the front and then got circulated back - a normal position to be in. But then with 20 people left, I got pulled! I had a sinking feeling when I knew I had crossed the line that it might be all she wrote... and into the infield I went. A little upset but also reminded that I shouldn't have been where I was and that you have to always think about position until it becomes second nature.

The great thing about track racing? You get another opportunity to race. Mastering the ability to brush things off is essential.

Up next - a 8x5 points race. Since I qualified for nationals earlier in the day in the pursuit (getting beat by Shelley Olds by .7 seconds! With NO pursuit training!), the pressure was off and I could go for it in the points race. And go for it I did! The pace was super high - the race was super aggressive and I had this monster sprint that shocked even me! At one point I was tied with Shelley for 2nd place - and unfortunately had poor positioning for the last two sprints. If I had just shadowed their wheels during the race, I may have been able to out sprint her and place 2nd instead of 3rd. All in all it was an amazing race - one of my top 3 all time races.

As I pulled over afterward on the back straight to get a congratulatory hug from Jennie, we realized that instead of being in a 51x15 I had on a 51x14! HOLY SHIT. A 98"? Seriously? Talk about mind over matter. At the time I thought nothing of it - just that I had more gear to sprint on. But thinking back - that's why the miss and out was so lame. I couldn't accelerate fast enough! I nearly fell over laughing. 98". Wow. That's a new record. And just goes to illustrate how much track racing is mind over matter.

Whoa, 2008 was f*&^ed up!

So today I was recalling what happened last year at FSA and realized things didn't go so smoothly. During the team pursuit, our team caught and tried to pass another team on the track and they did an exchange just as we tried coming around them after yelling at them to stick. Not a big deal except it was our last lap and it caused big confusion for all of us and I gaped off the other two riders for the finish and they rolled in a couple of seconds behind..... if it wasn't an event I feel passionate about I wouldn't have cared. But since we were going against some top talent and I wanted to see how we would stack up - I was a little upset.

No big deal, shrug it off, right? It's just a silly bike race.

Then as I was changing my bars, I had a friend help me put them on. I struggle with putting the bars back on the right way - so as I watched him crank the stem clamp onto the fork and then crack the fork - I panicked. I may not have shown it on the outside, but on the inside I was screaming! It's just a bike race, just a bike race. I proceeded to race the Miss and Out on a cracked fork regardless and got 2nd.

It just goes to show that sometimes don't go as planned. And sure it would be easy to play the victim and get down, letting those hick ups disrupt your concentration and efforts. But shit happens in this world far too much and if you can't laugh at the stupid things then you'd be stressed out all the time.

So I hope and pray that I ironed out all the kinks before the competition tomorrow. But if not - then oh well! You've got to be able to roll with the punches and have faith that some day the planets will align and everything will be okay.

If you're looking for something to do this weekend - come check out the races at Marymoor both Friday and Saturday nights. The pony show starts at 7.

Upcoming show September 4, 2009

Larch, 4′x6′ oil by Trish Harding

more www.bluehorsegallery.com

I want to thank my “friends in painting” for all the support that you have given me since Sept 7th 2008; the day my world came to a halt and I was cast into a strange and different one. My saddness has been lessened by all of your incredible concern and kindness. Thank you, I mean that with all of my heart.

As some of you know, I am working on an extremely important show (for me) that is called Altitude which will appropriately open in September at the Blue Horse Gallery. Appropriate because Ryan’s accident was in September 2008.

This show has been very difficult to work on for a couple of reasons. For one it was really hard to see. Since I wear glasses, whenever I would be overcome with grief while painting, my glasses would get tears all over them and I would have to take them off, clean them, wipe my eyes, blink alot and try to focus my eyes again before I could but the darn glasses back on and get back to work. Wearing glasses, you see, has become more of an inconvienience than I ever thought possible. Second, it has been an intellectual struggle of mammoth proportions to try to understand why I was allowed such a short time with my son. Is it because he was an old soul, a brilliant star or was it just the way it is? It has been an emotional yet cathartic experience trying to learn, through it all to revere Ryan’s world. It has, on the other hand, been cathartic because I think that I have come close to understanding how he felt sitting way up there after the climb…incredible! And I am happy that he got to feel this, something that many people never experience in their lifetime!

Come with me to Mazama, Washington! Come with me on this visual trip and see the places that Ryan loved! I not only want to share it with you but I want you to experience, just one more time, the spirit of our beautiful son, Ryan, the only way I know how to express it as I come to some sort of closure and I move on with my life without him.

My promise to you is that it will be a celebration and not a sad affair! Eventhough I feel life has cheated me somehow, I still hold on to how lucky I am to have had him as long as I did. I truly believe that he is a star in my night sky.

I now focus on the great luck that I continue to have. The brilliance that flashes at me when I look into our daughter Molly’s eyes. How very much she means to me and what a miracle that she is. And our daughter-in-law, Jennifer. I believe that Jennifer was the missing piece to the complex puzzle that was Ryan. She made him complete before he had to leave. How lucky was he?

Now, as I take off these darn glasses again and wipe my eyes I am posting my artist statement and remember, “you are expected”.
Altitude

Altitude is a show that is inspired by a road trip to Mazama in the Fall of 2008 as we drove from Bellingham which is sea level and traveled steadily up and over highway 20 to end up at over 6000 feet at Hart’s Pass, literally, sittin’ on top o’ the world!

Through the use of light and value my aim was to capture the feeling of an other-worldliness that sitting on a mountaintop brings. I carefully constructed the compositions to give a sensation of vertigo that I experience when I am at high altitudes. I used circular under-paintings that would influence the direction of bold, colorful brush strokes to create a feeling of motion, completeness and connection, all adjectives, which have often been used to describe our son, Ryan.

With these paintings I am taking the viewer on that road trip with me during a magic autumn day of excited anticipation to see Ryan & Jenny’s new cabin at the base of Goat Mountain and to experience with me the feeling that I had that day which was…”The world around me is incredible and my children are amazing. My husband is by my side and I do not require one more single thing or circumstance that will make me any happier or more fulfilled than I am right now!”

That feeling was to change. By the next autumn we were traveling to Mazama again but this time heading East on Highway 90 and for a very somber reason. The second part of the show depicts the emotional journey back from retrieving our beloved Ryan’s ashes.

I am convinced that Ryan’s belief that he was and remains a critical piece in the larger scheme of Mother Nature is what enabled him to experience life with no fear and no greed. But the feeling that he experienced when he had climbed to the top of a 1500-foot face of granite under his own physical prowess was the ultimate.

The artistic journey that I have taken to put this show together was extremely difficult and cathartic at the same time. I now revere the places that Ryan loved, I understand that risk was a huge component of Ryan’s rock climbing experience and this risk was indeed the biggest component of Ryan’s prelude to the mystery!





More about Ryan

Our beloved Ryan Alan Murray Triplett was born in Bellingham, Washington on June 5, 1977. He died September 7, 2008 on Goat Mountain, near Mazama, Washington long before we were ready to let him go. Ryan was an accomplished athlete in hockey, canoeing, backcountry & downhill skiing, and is well respected in the cycling and rock climbing communities. He was a hard-working software developer with many ideas for the future, but his true passions were his wife and rock climbing. He was an adventuresome soul devoted to his beloved Jennifer, with whom he shared the fairy-tale love. Ryan had many passions: friends, traveling, family, his wonder-dog Makiah, and the outdoors. Ryan could often be found on Turn 2 at the Marymoor Velodrome cheering on Jennifer, a national track champion. Ryan and Jennifer met as college students at Western Washington University, where he graduated in 2001; the couple was married in Bellingham on September 2, 2001.

Ryan is survived by his loving wife, Jennifer Ann Sutton Triplett and dog Makiah Blue Triplett; mother & stepfather Trish and Tom Harding of Bellingham; sister Molly Harding of Bellingham; sister and brothers Tammy, Garrett and Wyatt Harding of California; father and stepmother Gary and Anita Triplett of California; grandmother, Annamae Murray and aunts Donna Erickson and Judy Walston of Bellingham; aunt Barbara Chevalier of Arizona; uncles Bill Murray of Bellingham and Darrell, Wayne and Jim Triplett; several cousins; in-laws Caprice Magoon, and George, Jaimie, Coleman and Laurel Sutton; Marcy Sutton; and friends too numerous to mention.

Ryan died pursuing his passion for rocks and heights in Mazama, Washington, a special place for him. We shall all miss him, but he will live on in the hearts of all those he touched and we will always remember his words, “Live Your Passion”.

For more information go to http://www.supertopo.com/climbing/thread.html?topic_id=672814

More info about Ryan: Rock and Ice, issue 179 / July 2009, Cliff Notes

Alpenrose is like an ancient wooden roller coaster. Sure there are newer, safer models out there but it's still fun as hell and contending with the G-forces in the corners puts a smile on your face afterward. Maybe it's the feeling of skating fate from the rough corner transitions or the bumpy track - or maybe it's because you're surrounded by people who love this sport equally as much - but regardless come Monday morning after the AVC, nothing can move me from the couch and put me back on the bike.

We, being Tela, Kendi, Christine and I had a very successful weekend. Each of us brought home a little cash and had a great time. Highlights include winning the women madison (with Christine!), Kendi winning the points race, me third and Christine 4th, Tela and I getting 2nd in the team sprint, Tela placing 3rd in the sprints, 6th in the Kierin, having Jennie Reed around to tell me to attack in the scratch race and nearly holding off the hard charging field for the win and 3rd in the Miss and Out.

And of course reconnecting with friends you haven't seen since the previous year and creating new memories is always a blast. Seeing some track records get broken and watch everyone's hard work and dedication pay off. I can't wait for the event again next year!

This weekend is the annual Alpenrose Velodrome Challenge. Racing starts Friday and continues all the way through Sunday. I'm headed down with a great group of ladies - Tela, Kendi, Mary, Christine and Jennie. Should be a blast!

And after yesterday's training session, I think it's safe to say I'm prepared. We did a point simulation effort behind the motor - winding up speeds close to 31 and then sprinting around the motor. At one point I got popped from the motor and it took me a while to recover - only to get back on and have to sprint again. I felt like my head was going to explode on the final effort - and shortly after it was over went to sit down in the shade not to get back up for a 1/2 hour. I was hurtin' for certain.

And afterward Jennie said, "that was UCI pace." For the record - that pace is not easy AT ALL.

Mad plug for Amara at Wheels in focus for taking the following shot. This photo captures the intensity the Friday Night racing saw out at Marymoor last weekend. Everyone is watching everyone else - waiting for the first move to be made and the match of accelerations. Good times, good times. :)

Can't sleep tonight. Or is it this morning?

Yesterday's residual emotions still weigh heavy on my mind - waking me up and keeping my brain spinning with thoughts of Ryan. I suppose it didn't help that yesterday I contacted the sheriff's office to see if they could tell me the exact location of where they found him. For some reason that made sense to me before - but after finding out, it stirred up so many emotions that here I am, up at 4am after going to bed at midnight.

It penetrated everything last night. Even my track sanctuary was disrupted. I could feel it during the warm up, bubbling up like an unwanted guest. But this time it wouldn't be ignored. This time after my first race and attempt to shut it out, it came crashing in sending me to the infield in a puddle of tears and despair. Christine came up and sat next to me, putting her arm around me and just let me cry. I started to feel a little better. And then I went to the stands where Trish (Ry's mom) and Molly (his sister) were watching and just started baling. They thought it was because they were there - but no, I told them about speaking with the deputy and how I couldn't shut it out anymore. I was so thankful to have them there - putting their arms around me, missing Bubba so much.

A lump is forming in my throat already.

Some how I was able to pull it together and get back to the racing. But afterward, I still lay awake in the wee hours only to feel the hole in my heart is still raw and needs a lot more healing.

I want to do some sort of memorial in Mazama on September 7. If you are interested and would like to go, please contact me.

Dirty Old Men, Estrogen and Good Samaritans

Yesterday was a good day and carried into today.

I went for a recovery ride with Tela and Kendi through Magnolia and then downtown. The sun was shining and there was minimal traffic to contend with. While riding the scenic route around Magnolia we were chatting, having a good time, enjoying the scenery and then accosted by a dirty old man. He was walking on the side walk, lifting up his shorts to display the upper portion of this thigh, whistling at us and holding a teddy bear. The response he got was three girls cracking up and cackling down the hill - and an image burned into my head that I'll never forget.

Then later that afternoon, I had a Tour date with Jennifer, Mary, Kendi, Julie and two other ladies at the Reading Gaol in Ballard. As we watched, more like glanced, at the TV as the riders strut their stuff on Versus, we also determined which Tour riders could be "my babies daddy." Cancellera was definitely in the running for the lion king. Just goes to show evolution still weaves its way into ordinary life and women pick the male who struts his bizness the most. Ha!

Quote of the night... as the one lone male dared to enter the room full of estrogen cackling ladies, Kendi said to me, "whoa. I haven't seen hairy legs in a while."

This morning I woke up a little later than anticipated but still made it into the gym. I skipped my morning coffee but planned on stopping at Pete's for some java and ended up buying a pound of coffee. As I walked with my steaming cup of joe in my hand across Fremont bridge, a passing cyclist asked, "is the bike okay?" To which I smiled, yes. Thanks for asking! Then I wondered why people don't ask, "is the human okay?" I suppose bike mechanics are easier to fix then people problems.

I watched the saddest movie I've seen in a long time. Revolutionary Road. It made me miss Ryan with a big lump in my throat, accompanied by deep, snotty sobs. The promise of going through life with my soul mate, a person who would always adventure with me, bring out the best in one another, to laugh with, cry with, have children with - gone.

Funny, I had just gotten into a sort of routine and started adapting to working really hard on the track bike. A diversion from grief. And then I watched that movie and it came crashing back in. I sat awake in bed last night, transported to 10 months ago. And then the news of John Bachar? I suppose the crying today was inevitable.

Ooff. Both blows below the belt.

Just goes to show - life has so many ups and downs, often back to back. I suppose you just get used to the roller coaster life.... and never take anything for granted.

Bummer.

Giving in

Gave into the ridiculous idea of not drinking coffee this morning. Boy, that was stupid! Especially after an early morning of pumping weights and then a solid-kill-your-legs-and-fall-over-afterward 500m standing start efforts. I'm back on the java - so look out!!!

Pushing

Yesterday was a hard training day. Hard in the fact that my strengths and weaknesses were displayed in full view, right before my very eyes.

With a huge workout on tap, it's tempting to think about the workout in its entirety. But if you do the beginning may be too discouraging. If you dissect each portion of the workout, break it down effort by effort - it suddenly becomes more manageable. The reason? You have to give each pedal stroke, each revolution 100% of your ability in order to get better.

Yet my mind wanders.

Why is it I battle concentration the most during my training? I'm able to easily flip the switch when I'm racing and tune out any external forces - but when I'm training, I listen to the million of voices begging for my attention, trying to divert me from the task at hand.

For example, here's what went through my head yesterday on the first of three sets of 3x300m full out rolling efforts. I should be going full gas for 20 seconds, only concentrating on pushing...

"Man this hurts. Why are my forearms rubbing on my bars? I wonder if Ryan is watching me. I wonder how Mary's efforts are going? I should smile more when I race. Those wheelsinfocus photos were not flattering - maybe I should have a surgeon fix my lips into a permanent smile. This gear is huge. Point your elbows! Flex that core! Push, push, push!!! Oh thank god that's over!"

And you know, as well as Jennie, that I didn't give that first effort my full intensity. It also didn't happen for the next one, or the one after that..... but by the last effort, the one I put my heart and soul into, the one where I got fed up I wasn't pushing - that one counted.

Afterward I felt exhausted, unable to talk. Ready to lie down in the grass and recollect my energy. My mental and physical exertion stretched to the max.

So why is it I can't give every single effort that maximum go? I strive for it every time I come out to the track. Yet I can only achieve it on my superwoman days. Time to start working the concentration aspect, I suppose.... time to push more.

I've heard meditation practice where you silence the mind for 20 seconds would help. It's hard not to let a thought interrupt you in the first 3 seconds of meditation... but with a little practice, I should be able to get up to 5 seconds.

The mind is such a powerful thing. You'd think I'd be sinking in as much energy into it as I do my physical training... time to dust off those mental training books.

I am attempting to go without coffee today. Attempting being the key objective.

After yesterday's monster track workout I could use a little boost. Especially since I already made it into the gym this morning to lift weights and am still blurry eyed.

We'll see how it goes....

It's 9:18 am and I'm already drooling for some java. RESIST!!!

It could have been a really hard weekend this past weekend. I could have stayed home, saved those bold encounters and reminders for a different time. I could have waited till another time to have a steady reminder that being in San Jose was the last time I talked to Ryan on the phone, the very last time I heard his voice and hear him say I love you. The tear filled drive home and then the beginning of my nightmare - but I went anyway. I had to. And I am so thankful to have been surrounded by my teammates and friends - excited about racing and having a great time, quick to make each other laugh.

Sure I had my moments. Like oddly finding out Michael Jackson died. I swear we were in the same location at about the same time when Ryan went out climbing - about 2 hours outside of San Jose. Is life really that random?

Then hearing from Ryan's dad for the first time in months. Hearing in his voice how hard Father's day was. I felt like sobbing out loud while warming up on my rollers before the points race.

But then being surrounded by friends from around the country. Some of whom said something, some didn't. Thank you to those who did.

Then things started getting a little easier. I raced my bike and good things happened. I felt alive. I displayed 100% of my ability. I laughed, I got paid for my podium efforts. And I smiled, a lot. I was surrounded by people who love track racing as much as I do - and it revived my passion for this sport. So much in fact, I'm seriously considering going to elite nationals.

I was reminded again of an important life lesson. Life is too short not to be doing what you love, living your passion and dreams, whatever those may be. If you don't - then one day you'll wake up and think nothing of Michael Jackson dying. :)

Oh yeah, boyyyyyeeeeeee!!!!!

Going back to Cali Wednesday. Road trip in my 1990 Vanagon with teammates Tela and Kendi. Adventures abound!

$1,000 to the points race winner. Incentive? You bet!

My bro, the manscaping Pro!

Check it out - just got this email from my brother...

"As some of you may remember, a couple of years ago we had an 80's costume New Years party in Seattle where I went as Richard Simmons.

Well Jamie entered a picture of me from that party in a KDUK 104.7 "Manscaping" contest for Fathers Day. . . And I won.

What a way to exchange a funny photo for a session of laser hair removal.

Hopefully they won't be upset when they realize the chest hair in the picture was the bangs from my wig glued to my chest.

Thank you Jamie!

G."

Check out the other finalists here.

Good Kharma

My yard was out of control. Weeds were growing to new heights and neglect ruined any notion of making a difference. Between traveling, riding and living, my yard has definitely seen better days. I first tried hiring my neighbor to help me out when my silly attempt at running a weed whacker left my yard looking like a tornado touched down in a random pattern. Then there's always the struggle of mowing my severely slopped front yard. The ivy has taken over the sidewalk and my back yard is a dust bowl/dandelion meadow/overgrown joke! A recent BBQ had my cycling team laughing and poking fun at it. But in all reality - running a 1,500 square foot house solo is a lot of work!

As I tried focusing more on my mental well being by leaving town and traveling to the Rogue River, Hawaii, Chicago and the North Cascades - it would be shadowed by the growing problem of having to tackle the yard eventually. With a little nudge by my mom - we decided to find someone to help me with it. And thankfully, my coworker Jasmine was listening in and made a mention that her dad does landscaping and she could talk to him.

A crew of four people showed up at my house yesterday and spent three hours trimming hedges, weed whacking, weeding, cleaning and doing a massive cleanup that would have taken me FOREVER. It inspired me to address some other neglected areas in my life - like organizing my cycling clothes and cleaning out the green house. They finished around 6 - and I was ready to find out how much the damage was. Regardless of cost, it was absolutely worth it. The huge burden was lifted off my shoulders and now I can plant my tomato plants, water my garden, etc. And that's when Jasmine told me, we're done! And I replied, what do I owe you? Nothing. WHAT? Nothing? No way - I have to do something. You guys worked your asses off and I must give you something in return. Nope.

Wow. I was stunned and shocked, to say the least. I couldn't believe someone would go so far out of their way to help me. I'm still stunned. And shocked.

It also made me realize how important it is to give to others selflessly. Not because you expect anything in return, but because it's the right thing to do.

Tragic news

Last night I went to a film at the Mountaineers. Prior to the show starting, they paid tribute to three missing climbers in China, with two confirmed dead. They were attempting a route on Mt. Edgar and were swept away in an avalanche. As they panned through a series of pictures, I noticed my friend Nellie in one of them. Turns out she's dating Micah, one of the three whose body still hasn't been found.



My thoughts are prayers are with her and all of the friends and family affected...

Not recommended...

I'm still wincing as I write this.

And I sure hope someone caught what I just did on video.

Typical day. Wake up, feed the dog, put the kettle on, make some coffee, throw together something for lunch. Hit the shower, then roll my pant legs up and get on my neglected yet still rolling rain bike to pedal the 1.5 miles into work.

I know, rough.

I get to cruise down a nice hill, and the thought has crossed my mind more than once - what if my foot comes off or my toes get raked on since I'm wearing flip flops on shimano pedals? There was the one time I cruised down the same hill, on my race bike all kitted up and headed out to do hill repeats when my computer flew off my bike and then got run over by a car before my eyes. Luckily nothing happened there today.

And yes, I wear my helmet. Every single time.

So you can imagine my surprise when I rolled up to the Fremont/34th street interchange, stopped at a red light then start to move forward as the light changed, go to throw two swift strokes into it and BAM! My right foot gets snagged, flip flop goes flying, crotch comes down HARD on the top tube. So hard in fact, I think I just did some permanent damage. I hobble in reverse to grab my slipper, while cars are annoyed I'm in their way and my junk is throbbing so hard it's blinding my vision.

I collect my slipper, put it in first and can't sit down the remaining 1/2 mile to my office. What lesson did I learn? Wearing flip flops on shimano pedals is not very pro.

Hard Time

I've been having a hard time concentrating. I try to stay focused at work and my thoughts just keep returning to Ryan. Every corner I turn, every place I travel, every new experience I try, my thoughts keep returning.

He would have turned 32 last Friday. And oh how that ache hurts.

In attempt to Super Glue the fittings of my track chain ring bolts on my bike to prevent them from spinning, I super glued my fingers together. It reminds me back in the day with Lee Press on Nails and getting a bunch of glue all over my hands.

Super Glued fingers are hot.

The good news though - I just got my Cane Creek training wheels dialed in and will attempt their maiden voyage tomorrow on the track. So what if my front wheel is BRIGHT yellow and rear wheel bright BLUE? Gomer!

It was 85 here in Seattle today. 85!!!

June

A big month, the month of June. Molly's birthday is tomorrow and Ryan's is on Friday. It will also mark 9 months since he passed.

In case you haven't noticed, summer has arrived in Seattle. We've had 2 weeks of straight sunshine and today it reached 80 degrees. It's supposed to just keep rising all week. This is the reason I put up with the wet winters we deal with.

I've been managing to keep myself pretty busy lately. I kayaked the Rogue River in Oregon with my friends Sharon and Steve and their friends mid-May. Three amazing days on the water with fantastic weather and high, fast water. The accommodations on the water were perfect - and the scenery unreal. This type of trip should be on everyone's bucket list.

Then a day home for gathering my bikini and sunscreen and off I went to O'ahu. On the North Shore to be exact, where my mom rented a seriously phat crib on Sunset Beach. Every night the crashing surf would lullaby me to sleep, a mere 100 feet from my window. Days were filled with nice runs, surfing, hiking, chilling and eating. What should have been a completely relaxing time turned into a stress case and blue feeling - and although I don't want it to be the case, being around my family often reminds me how much I miss Ryan. The walls are down, the true feelings come out and by the end of the trip I wasn't able to sleep much. I had a repeat nightmare dream of the night I first found out he was gone. It came crashing in louder than the surf outside. I suppose I was overdue for a break down. I still can't get used to them though.

A few days at home in the sun, riding my bike and getting back into doing the things I love cured my blues. I went to the track a couple of times and pedaled my way back into a little happiness.

But now I fear I've been at home a little too much. I can't run from the memories that fill the house when I spend a lot of time here. It's a little too quiet in the house, something I'll probably always have a hard time getting used to. The mountains are starting to call my name - and a visit to Mazama will soon be in order.

Know what's crazy? In this month's Rock and Ice, Ryan's Passages piece went in - only 7 pages from an article written by my step-sisters husband about rooting for a free soloist to stick the moves on a 5.10 route in Yosemite. Wild. What are the odds?

And also contained in this issue is beta on Calaveras Dome - a spot Ryan picked for us to visit on our honeymoon. I've kept my eye out for info on the area since then - nearly 8 years ago and this is the first time I've seen it mentioned.

Checking back in

It's not that my track bike has dust on it from last September. I actually added a few nicks and dings to its frame a few weeks ago thanks to my superwoman flight. My left knee still boasts a bright pink patch of new skin. My tattered ego and hesitant jump have been beat into submission since then with multiple hard efforts out on the track. So that shouldn't be a problem.

My race wheels still sit in their traveling case when they were lasted used in Argentina by Guy. And like I mentioned before, my Master Nationals numbers are still pinned to one of my skin suits.

Tonight, for the first time since last September, I'm going to race. I'm racing despite the fact that my number one fan won't be riding out to meet me to get drunk in corner two from lack of food and strong IPA. I'm racing despite my lack of fitness. I'm racing to feel adrenaline pump through my body again, to feel alive. I'm racing to get my body back in excellent shape and chase my passion again.

BIG news!

My friend Jonah has been working with the Access Fund to acquire the lower town walls at Index, WA. Well today the Access Fund announced that their option to purchase this section of the wall was secured! Check out this article to read about how much hard work they've done!

Keys!

Guess what I just found this morning? The missing Honda keys. Damn! Good thing I didn't pay $500 to have it towed into Honda and then pay them to install the ignition switch. I can hear Ryan giggling now....

And check out what will be in the July issue of Rock and Ice - thanks Patrick!

I'll be out of Internet touch for a little while - but will report on my travels soon!

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

I ran into Emily on Wednesday. It was unexpected and wonderful. She looked fantastic. There were so many questions I wanted to ask her - all were on the tip of my tongue. Yet because our encounter was so brief and in the midst of climbing, I didn't get a chance to ask them. Instead I got to see, plain as the freckles on my face, that she is doing well and enjoying life again.

And that, that my friends, is worth its weight in gold.

Oh! And I almost forgot to mention... have you told the people in your life that have a positive effect on you that you appreciate them? That your life is so much fuller thanks to them? Today is the perfect opportunity to do so!

The rain hasn't stopped for about 24 hours and everyone I've talked today has at some point commented on it. Ah the beauties of living in the Pacific Northwest. At least the greens are becoming a deeper hue and summer is rapidly approaching.

Tomorrow is the first night of racing for the newbies out at the track for the season and Friday starts the first preseason night of the year. Hopefully the weather clears up so people can get some circles dialed in.

The knee is mending - today I shed the remnants of Tela's blue knee warmers from my scabs. Gross, I know. But an important step in my healing! And I rode the rollers for 20 minutes yesterday without any issues - so today I'm going for a little intensity. I can't wait!

I'm so thankful May is here. Next week I head down to Oregon to do a Rogue River Run and then that following Monday head to O'ahu for a week with the fam-damily. Next thing you know it'll be June!

Eight

8 months = 243.494799 days.
8 the natural number between 7 and 9.
Super 8 Motels.
Channel 8.
8 Mile.
Quark Express 8.

This Thursday marks 8 months. Some say it's the hardest month. But if you ask me, I think every month is hard.

Fish Heads!

The knee is still swollen and stiff - getting it checked out by a doc today. In the meantime I hobbled around Bellingham on Saturday at the Procession of the Species in my homemade fish head costume. Molly and I made the Bellingham Herald!

A similar scene played out last year when Tom and Molly wore the fish heads....


Then I headed down to Tacoma to cheer Chris on during his 1/2 marathon. We woke up super early - and headed down to the start. I found a sweet spot to cheer him on from and dawned the fish head. It was fun making all those runners laugh - especially on mile 11 of 13.1... Chris thought I was crazy. Ha!

Not recommended

So today I headed out to the track with Tela to meet up with Jennie Reed for a workout. We snuck out to Redmond before the eventual deluge hit the area.

On tap for today - some standing starts, jumps and accelerations.

I did a new effort - and one I'll never forget - a two lap puker. I had no idea what I was getting myself into as Jennie calmly and expertly explained the drill to me. Basically you accelerate coming into corner 1 and 3 - sprinting out of the saddle until you have to sit then apply a little pressure on the pedals to the next corner and repeat. Two laps - how hard can it be? I thought to myself.

That was before when I could think. I found out quickly, very quickly, at approximately half way through the effort quickly, how much of a full out and blinding effort it would be. The cool down laps went by in a blur as I tried to regain a little composure before going in and saying "what's next?"

Our final, which turned out to be fateful, effort of the night was a standing start effort from a rolling position. This one's a little harder to explain and it took Tela and I three attempts to nail the timing and effort right. We swapped leads, with Tela doing the first and last effort. Thankfully I was following her because on the last go, I swung down track, got ready to sprint out of the saddle and promptly pulled my foot out of my right pedal. My reaction sent me flying on the concrete, landing and skidding on my knees and elbows. I shaved some skin off of my left knee and now its ballooned like an non-organic Jonagold apple. Tela's blue knee warmers, which Ian recently dawned as the "lucky crit winners" were the causality of the night. Bummer.

I felt like a douche. Hopefully you can learn from my example. This ALL could have been avoided had I checked my cleats and pedals and updated some old faulty equipment. Assuming the pedals off your rain bike will work wonders on your track bike where you travel at mass velocity is a NO NO. I do not recommend it.

Actually I feel pretty fortunate despite crashing. It was at the end of my workout. I was behind Tela - if she was behind me she would have most certainly gone down or landed on top of me. And I was wearing tons of clothing which prevented some serious track rash. And just as soon as I crashed, the sky opened up and it poured cats and dogs.

Am I deterred from getting back out on the track as soon as possible? Heck no! I had a blast.

And the kicker - I called my mom to report what happened and her immediate response:

"Good! Now you can stay home and have some babies."

Thanks mom. Just what I needed to hear. :)

"Be concerned with what you must do; Not what the people think."

- Anonymous

On Friday, April 24, Highway 20 opened to traffic. Meaning the gateway to the North Cascades is officially open and the shortcut to Mazama is available!

Anyone want to travel East?

Almost knocked the F*$# out!

Yesterday Chris and I took a jog through Point Defiance. Conveniently located directly behind his house, you can access it by walking through the parking lot of SBN (Salmon Beach North) and head into the Old Growth forests. The trails are blanketed in pine needles, soft mud, occasional puddles. The views are amazing - you catch glimpses of the rhododendron garden, Puget Sound, ferries, and listen to eagle chirp.

We have a 4 mile loop we've been frequenting lately and we took it extra slow - 10 minutes slower than our previous jaunts. I still got that runners high - or maybe it was the second hand smoke from all the Tacomans puffing on indo during Earth Day.

As we exited the park, like I've done a handful of times, we skirted beneath some fallen logs. I was thinking to myself how funny Chris looked by barely bending his back to clear a large log. I did a quick dodge and as I came up I smacked my noggin on a second hidden log. It knocked me down on the ground and I started laughing/crying hysterically. Chris said it sounded like a coconut was split in two. I was rolling around in the mud, laughing, crying, spasming, not sure what happened and then cracking up. I so wish someone would have caught that on video!

Another reset button physically pushed this time. :)

Pressing the reset button

Yesterday I hit a major reset button. Major.

I took my track bike down from the wall where it's been sitting and collecting dust since last September. I pumped up the tires and put on pedals. I located my heavy track sack - laden with chain rings and sprockets. I dug out my Broadmark jersey and headed east to Marymoor for the first time in months. One of my skin suits still has the USA Master Nationals jersey numbers pinned onto it.

I was a little apprehensive about getting on the bike - with the instant reminder that something is missing from corner two. But it only took me 100m before I realized what a huge smile pedaling around in perfect circles on an oval track does for me. I had a grin on my face from ear to ear. It's different than road. You don't have as much time to think. The purity, the gracefulness, the harmony of body and machine.

Riding my Tiemeyer is like putting on a perfect fitting baseball glove. I know every contour - how to control the bike, how it feels at speed, how to look through the corners and how much blood, sweat and tears go into pushing your body beyond the limit on such a simple machine. I found myself getting excited for the season - the racing and the people. Feeling the love and the amazing bonding experience the track scene has given me. I hadn't realized how much a part of my life it has become until yesterday.

Doing jumps off of corner two came naturally. My body remembers. My heart knows that it feels so right. It felt like I had reconnected with a lover that had been on leave for months.

I was starting to worry. I found myself dreading road racing. Looking for other sports to fill my heart and mind with. Finding excuses to avoid certain races. Feeling lost and uncertain that something that had once given me so much meaning and purpose now felt like a burden. (You know it's serious when you start running on a knee that doesn't have a meniscus!) It really scared me actually, to the point where I stopped writing, stopped communicating and started worrying. I would lay in bed at night, eyes wide open, wondering what would come next. What on earth was destined for me and hoping that it would come soon so I could stop the uncertainty.

And then yesterday things clicked. Honestly, I can't recall a single time in the past 5 years when I felt like quitting track. Where I wanted to hang up the bike, sell all of my gear. I had completely forgotten that. In contrast, I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit road racing. (Basically on every hill!) So to feel that passion again on the banking - to know I hadn't completely lost all of my identity and still have that piece of me left, in tact and whole - wow, what a relief. And I slept like a baby last night with a smile on my face thinking about the pain and suffering I'm going to cause my competitors.

I have some friends who recently sold everything they owned, invested their cash into a pickup truck and trailer and left everything behind to travel to the Nation's national parks. Their goal isn't quite clear - other than they're hoping to stumble upon something great by stepping outside of their comfort zone. Following their story is interesting - and reminds me of all of the road trips I've done in the past. Funny, they're about 8 years older than me, yet I learned some of the lessons of living on the road about a decade ago.

Now I find myself yearning to go on long road trips - to visit the same national parks and live out of a car. Where your expenses revolve around gassing up, eating, and entrance fees. But the experiences you have are priceless. Like getting stuck on the top of the East Buttress of the Middle Cathedral Rock or seeing thousands of dragon flies feed in the Sierra Nevada mountains.

Or seeing fire dancers throw flames in Skaha. Or stopping at Castle Rock... or poaching KOA camping in Oregon... or camping on private land on the Methow River... or....

May life be filled with frequent adventures and amazing memories.

A list of honey dos clutter my mind. Yet procrastination settles in like a long term illness. Piles of things start to tower and my motivation to organize them wanes.

I often ask myself, "why do we have so much shit?" We can't take it with us. It doesn't change me as a person.

Am I just a product of our society? A low grade consumer that has become so ingrained into the scheme that my questioning leaves me more clueless?

I can't tell you how many times this past winter I've thought about leaving it all behind, down grading everything I own to travel the world in hopes that I find myself again. My house is representative of my empty heart - cluttered with memories of things, yet empty. The structure remains as it was but the person who lives here isn't the same. No where even close.

The crying hasn't stopped. The hurt hasn't stopped.

It is harder when I spend a weekend home. I can get through the week okay - but weekends are the toughest. And Mondays - ooooohhhh mondays. Sigh.

Thinking of Ryan and Brad.

What gives?

Two crashes in two weekends, both on the final corner of the last lap. As soon as I saw the carnage happen, I sat up and gave up. Same thing happened last week. Both resulting in two people heading to the hospital for serious injuries. It makes me wonder why do I race my bike?

Dear Sun,

I know you just visited, but please come back as soon as you can! The flowers, trees, birds and bees all need you. And dry pavement is good for racing.

Sincerely,

Soggy Wet Seattlite.

I couldn't tell you how many times I've logged into my bank online in the past three years. But it's a lot. And today, I went to log in to my account like any other day and my pin number is completely gone from my memory banks. Poof. It's as though I finally had one too many random numbers floating around in my head and my memory was full. Early onset of memory loss?

And I hate to admit it -but this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I forgot my debit pin number a few years ago when checking out of a grocery store. Talk about feeling like a moron.

Yesterday I took advantage of the weather and headed down to Chris's house at Salmon Beach in Tacoma. We hopped in his boat, cruised across the narrows and hit up happy hour at the Tides in Gig Harbor. Makiah joined us - and her entire body shook the whole time we were afloat. We picked up some new bbq parts for his 12 year old grill, grabbed some items to throw on it and then boated back. Rainer was out in full effect - along with the Olympics. I got to wear flip flops for the first time in MONTHS. And then I had the extreme pleasure of meeting Galen aka Gatron. Truly a one in 6 billion people - this guy was off the charts. Check out this clip on youtube from him being a dare devil and flying through 90,000 volts of neon on a wet Saturday afternoon in January....



His 30th birthday is on Sunday and to celebrate he's shooting his recently passed away cat's ashes out of a cannon. Oh and eating ice cream cake too. He's got it all figured out. :)

Weekend Warrior

Headed south to the Dalles - the wind surfing capital of the NW and this weekend the Cherry Blossom Stage Race. Was going to take Maggie until I took her for a standard oil change and my new mechanic said I probably should drop about $1,500 into her before making the venture. Did I spend the money? Nope. So now we're onto Plan B - borrowing Julie's honey's Pathfinder with lots of room for all of our stuff.

Hopefully the weekend goes smoothly and we actually see the sun for a change! It's been raining in Seattle since November and my pasty white skin is itching for some Vitamin D. Hard to believe spring has sprung in parts of the states already... I'm thinking road trip....