June

A big month, the month of June. Molly's birthday is tomorrow and Ryan's is on Friday. It will also mark 9 months since he passed.

In case you haven't noticed, summer has arrived in Seattle. We've had 2 weeks of straight sunshine and today it reached 80 degrees. It's supposed to just keep rising all week. This is the reason I put up with the wet winters we deal with.

I've been managing to keep myself pretty busy lately. I kayaked the Rogue River in Oregon with my friends Sharon and Steve and their friends mid-May. Three amazing days on the water with fantastic weather and high, fast water. The accommodations on the water were perfect - and the scenery unreal. This type of trip should be on everyone's bucket list.

Then a day home for gathering my bikini and sunscreen and off I went to O'ahu. On the North Shore to be exact, where my mom rented a seriously phat crib on Sunset Beach. Every night the crashing surf would lullaby me to sleep, a mere 100 feet from my window. Days were filled with nice runs, surfing, hiking, chilling and eating. What should have been a completely relaxing time turned into a stress case and blue feeling - and although I don't want it to be the case, being around my family often reminds me how much I miss Ryan. The walls are down, the true feelings come out and by the end of the trip I wasn't able to sleep much. I had a repeat nightmare dream of the night I first found out he was gone. It came crashing in louder than the surf outside. I suppose I was overdue for a break down. I still can't get used to them though.

A few days at home in the sun, riding my bike and getting back into doing the things I love cured my blues. I went to the track a couple of times and pedaled my way back into a little happiness.

But now I fear I've been at home a little too much. I can't run from the memories that fill the house when I spend a lot of time here. It's a little too quiet in the house, something I'll probably always have a hard time getting used to. The mountains are starting to call my name - and a visit to Mazama will soon be in order.