near breakdown

Yesterday I nearly had a meltdown. I can't quite put my finger on what happened - but suddenly I found myself in the middle of the evening session on the verge of tears. Thank goodness no one walked up to me at that moment - I surely would have melted. So of course, being the over-analytic female that I am, here's my venting about what I think happened....

I like to read people's blogs. I find it eye opening and reaffirming that what I'm doing is right. Well yesterday I read one that had a negative affect on me and from now on I refuse to read it. It's written by another track racer on FGF and yesterday's rant was spewing negativity and I think some how penetrated my usually happy and optimistic demenor.

Second - we had a morning session of motor pacing. And quite honestly I don't think my legs were fully recovered from the weekend. Friday kicked it off with back to back racing in the men's and women's field. It was a great time - but I needed more time to recover. Sunday was another crit race at Seward, which by no means is flat - so it took more out of my already depleted legs.

I took Monday completely off from the bike. I should have spun them out, if only for an hour to release some of the build up from the weekend.

Then during the evening session, Nick crashed during their team pursuit practice. I didn't see it - nor was I around when it happened - but next thing we know he's being taken to the ER by Molly.

It was just after the crash when I had my near meltdown. I remember trying to float on the back of Kenny, Adrian, Dan and Woody's team pursuit with Jenny Reed and just couldn't maintain. So I came into the infield and had a pitty party.

It's funny - the last time I felt this down was last year during the AVC. I had no idea what I was doing - nor the purpose of the race I was racing in. I was up against the Nations finest (Olympians and World Class athletes) and I quit. I went to the car and bawled my eyes out. Luckily my support network was there to catch me and throw me back into action. I guess sometimes you just need to hit the reset button in order to keep going. You never know just how exhausting things can be until you take a breather and relax. Wanting to become a world class athlete and Olympic hopefully can be slightly overwhelming. :)

Anyways - back to my original story.... so basically I came home after track, cooked up a carb feast and salad and chilled out. I did all the things I needed to get done, Ryan came home from climbing and we talked. It is so nice to have someone who loves you and supports you 110%. He encouraged me and said to not forget what I've done so far - and how far I've come in such short time. Yet I still have a long journey to go - but will get there.