Monday, February 24, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
Setting Intensions: Not for the Faint of Heart.
For those of you who have happened upon my blog, here's some contextual backstory: My husband died in 2008 in a rock climbing accident and I became a widow at age 30. I was grief stricken and shocked. But I also knew right away that I had a choice - I could wallow in my sorrow or choose to look at grief as a gift.
After some soul searching and letting time, the ultimate healer pass, I opened myself up to new things. Life coaching, mindfulness, conscious awareness, and choosing to live a life that I wanted to live. Doors started opening: new love, opportunities, sunny weather, buying a house, establishing myself in a new community, striving toward my Olympic dreams, to name just a few.
They all happened because I set an intension around it. I didn't focus on a specific outcome - I just put my heart out there focusing on happiness, joy and passion and guess what? Happiness, joy and passion showed up in my life, and then some.
What I would love, more than anything, is to share the possibilities with you. To give you the support you need to reach for the impossible, to help shape a new reality - one that you create. Because we are only gifted one chance in this life and we can let it whiz by or we can grab it by the horns and go for one kick ass ride.
So...
What are your dreams and desires? What is that one thing that if you focus on, gets your stoked factor into the 11+'s? Think about that one pure thing you want: love, laughter, money, employment, happiness, joy.
Got it?
Good.
Now sit with it. Turn off your phone. Shut down your computer. Find a comfortable spot to sit upright and release all tension, emotions and thoughts. Let your mind be blank.
Once you've cleared your mind, you're ready to set your intension. Draw it up into your consciousness and then let. it. go. Stop thinking about it.
And repeat this, day after day. When intensions come from a mindful, quiet space they're much more powerful then when they come out of a sense of need. Detach from the outcome. If you intend for everything to work out as it should and when you let it go, opportunities will come your way. Let the Universe handle the details. Don't worry about outcomes.
Set your pure intension and amazing things will happen.
You are the master of your own destiny.
After some soul searching and letting time, the ultimate healer pass, I opened myself up to new things. Life coaching, mindfulness, conscious awareness, and choosing to live a life that I wanted to live. Doors started opening: new love, opportunities, sunny weather, buying a house, establishing myself in a new community, striving toward my Olympic dreams, to name just a few.
They all happened because I set an intension around it. I didn't focus on a specific outcome - I just put my heart out there focusing on happiness, joy and passion and guess what? Happiness, joy and passion showed up in my life, and then some.
What I would love, more than anything, is to share the possibilities with you. To give you the support you need to reach for the impossible, to help shape a new reality - one that you create. Because we are only gifted one chance in this life and we can let it whiz by or we can grab it by the horns and go for one kick ass ride.
So...
What are your dreams and desires? What is that one thing that if you focus on, gets your stoked factor into the 11+'s? Think about that one pure thing you want: love, laughter, money, employment, happiness, joy.
Got it?
Good.
Now sit with it. Turn off your phone. Shut down your computer. Find a comfortable spot to sit upright and release all tension, emotions and thoughts. Let your mind be blank.
Once you've cleared your mind, you're ready to set your intension. Draw it up into your consciousness and then let. it. go. Stop thinking about it.
And repeat this, day after day. When intensions come from a mindful, quiet space they're much more powerful then when they come out of a sense of need. Detach from the outcome. If you intend for everything to work out as it should and when you let it go, opportunities will come your way. Let the Universe handle the details. Don't worry about outcomes.
Set your pure intension and amazing things will happen.
You are the master of your own destiny.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Mindfulness
I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
Ready?
Are you sure?
Mindfulness works. It really, really works. And you can apply it to anything in your life. It is that powerful.
What is mindfulness? It is the state of active, open attention to the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to the experience. (According to Psychology Today.)
That's great, but how do I apply it to x, y or z?
Let's talk about eating, since we all eat. How often do you multi-task while eating? You check your phone, watch TV, read a book or a magazine, do something, anything while you shovel food in. You get food all over, you miss your mouth and food lands in your lap, you don't even notice what you're eating tastes like.
Mindfulness slows that all down. It's going to require you put that phone, remote or book down though. Instead, you'll be focused on one task at a time. You start to notice more - how the food feels on your tongue; how it tastes; how it feels sliding down your throat. Because of this awareness, you start to notice when you're full so you stop eating as much. You lean up, you calmly digest, you enjoy each meal.
Great - but how do I apply this to sports?
Think about a recent win. How did you feel? Where you in the present moment? Where you 100% focused? That's mindfulness. It's hard to achieve at every moment, of every day. It can be hard to achieve it multiple times in your life. But if you practice, it will become more frequent and you'll be able to harness that inner strength when ever you need to. And it will make the impossible, possible.
How do you start?
With just 10 minutes a day. Yep, 10 minutes. I recommend starting in the morning when your day is calmest. You can even do it while you're laying in bed. Focus on your breath in, breath out. Notice thoughts or feelings come in, let them pass with curiosity and fade back out. All you have to do is just keep practicing this simple technique, and you'll be on your way.
For those overachievers - go to yoga at least 3 times a week. Focus on your breath, aligning your mind, body and spirit. It works, yo!
Ready?
Are you sure?
Mindfulness works. It really, really works. And you can apply it to anything in your life. It is that powerful.
What is mindfulness? It is the state of active, open attention to the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to the experience. (According to Psychology Today.)
That's great, but how do I apply it to x, y or z?
Let's talk about eating, since we all eat. How often do you multi-task while eating? You check your phone, watch TV, read a book or a magazine, do something, anything while you shovel food in. You get food all over, you miss your mouth and food lands in your lap, you don't even notice what you're eating tastes like.
Mindfulness slows that all down. It's going to require you put that phone, remote or book down though. Instead, you'll be focused on one task at a time. You start to notice more - how the food feels on your tongue; how it tastes; how it feels sliding down your throat. Because of this awareness, you start to notice when you're full so you stop eating as much. You lean up, you calmly digest, you enjoy each meal.
Great - but how do I apply this to sports?
Think about a recent win. How did you feel? Where you in the present moment? Where you 100% focused? That's mindfulness. It's hard to achieve at every moment, of every day. It can be hard to achieve it multiple times in your life. But if you practice, it will become more frequent and you'll be able to harness that inner strength when ever you need to. And it will make the impossible, possible.
How do you start?
With just 10 minutes a day. Yep, 10 minutes. I recommend starting in the morning when your day is calmest. You can even do it while you're laying in bed. Focus on your breath in, breath out. Notice thoughts or feelings come in, let them pass with curiosity and fade back out. All you have to do is just keep practicing this simple technique, and you'll be on your way.
For those overachievers - go to yoga at least 3 times a week. Focus on your breath, aligning your mind, body and spirit. It works, yo!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Countdown
Beep! The clock sounds.
We're on the tandem, pedals clipped in, in the starting gate with our feet poised at 10 and 2, left foot high. I take a breath, relaxing into the moment - the calm before the storm. I am here, in this moment, on this track. My mind stays completely focused on the task at hand.
Beep, beep, beep, beep Beeeep! Each beep brings more awareness, more focus, more concentration. The gate releases us and we're up, out of the saddle, charging down the front straight heading into corner 1. I'm breathing audibly out loud as we round into corner two, driving the front wheel onto the black line. I can feel Karissa's breath on my back as we ease our way back down into the saddle.
Each time we practice, our starts get better. I'm getting used to her movements on the back of the bike and she's getting used to my motions on the front of the bike. It's starting to feel smooth, really smooth. We're honing our technique, with our hopes and dreams set on this weekend's world qualifier. If we do well, we might have an opportunity to race in Mexico in April at the World Championships and help Team USA earn valuable points toward Rio.
The tandem tales continue…. lots of hard work both on and off the bike. My days are consumed by track time. The evenings are full of writing and working, reading and relaxing. Lots of hard work consuming my normal routine. It feels awesome to be this mindful of every moment.
We're on the tandem, pedals clipped in, in the starting gate with our feet poised at 10 and 2, left foot high. I take a breath, relaxing into the moment - the calm before the storm. I am here, in this moment, on this track. My mind stays completely focused on the task at hand.
Beep, beep, beep, beep Beeeep! Each beep brings more awareness, more focus, more concentration. The gate releases us and we're up, out of the saddle, charging down the front straight heading into corner 1. I'm breathing audibly out loud as we round into corner two, driving the front wheel onto the black line. I can feel Karissa's breath on my back as we ease our way back down into the saddle.
Each time we practice, our starts get better. I'm getting used to her movements on the back of the bike and she's getting used to my motions on the front of the bike. It's starting to feel smooth, really smooth. We're honing our technique, with our hopes and dreams set on this weekend's world qualifier. If we do well, we might have an opportunity to race in Mexico in April at the World Championships and help Team USA earn valuable points toward Rio.
The tandem tales continue…. lots of hard work both on and off the bike. My days are consumed by track time. The evenings are full of writing and working, reading and relaxing. Lots of hard work consuming my normal routine. It feels awesome to be this mindful of every moment.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Comfort zones are for the birds.
How often do you step outside of your comfort zone? To put something really out there? To throw caution to the wind, run at something with full force and see what happens? Right or wrong, failure or success - you just do it.
I was told today that I should try it more. The context was in the realm of sport but why not apply it to life? If you're going to go for something, really go for it - why not let it embody everything you do?
Too often I sit back and calculate what feels right, what feels comfortable. Sure I'm willing to go out on a limb and try things for the first time. I'll face fears and challenge status quo's with the best of them. But after you expose yourself to something new, how often do you push the envelop of that experience? Do you have to continue to remind yourself that you want more? That you're willing to put more of yourself out there? Or does it just come naturally?
It takes a mindful awareness. A conscious decision. A playfulness, a curiosity that goes beyond the "box."
This is going to be my resolve this year. Pushing the envelop. Trying new things. Keeping a beginners mind, and going for it with gusto in spite of failure or success. If you want something, truly want it, you've got to be willing to do what ever it takes.
I was told today that I should try it more. The context was in the realm of sport but why not apply it to life? If you're going to go for something, really go for it - why not let it embody everything you do?
Too often I sit back and calculate what feels right, what feels comfortable. Sure I'm willing to go out on a limb and try things for the first time. I'll face fears and challenge status quo's with the best of them. But after you expose yourself to something new, how often do you push the envelop of that experience? Do you have to continue to remind yourself that you want more? That you're willing to put more of yourself out there? Or does it just come naturally?
It takes a mindful awareness. A conscious decision. A playfulness, a curiosity that goes beyond the "box."
This is going to be my resolve this year. Pushing the envelop. Trying new things. Keeping a beginners mind, and going for it with gusto in spite of failure or success. If you want something, truly want it, you've got to be willing to do what ever it takes.
Monday, January 13, 2014
The Pain Cave
The Pain Cave - that place you go when you're pushing your body out of its comfort zone. Some people back off as soon as they hit it, some don't.
Athletes face The Pain Cave often. Competitors know it well. The trick is to train your body to endure discomfort, to push beyond what you think are your limits, for a few seconds, minutes, hours or longer. Champions do it all the time.
Take the women's 3k individual pursuit. Seconds after the explosive start, the body starts to scream. Three laps in, the body wants to shut down. But there's 9 laps remaining. Enter the pain cave. An athlete's ability to push through this barrier can set records or not. The queen of the pain cave? Five time World Champion Sarah Hammer.
How can you increase your pain cave threshold?
Practice. Practice. And more practice.
Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Push yourself little by little and increase your tolerance by stepping out of your comfort zone. Be intentional and deliberate with your practice. Play around with things outside of your sport - yoga, hiking, skiing, ice plunges, etc. Reach the spot where the body starts to scream and push, push, push. Tell your body it will get a rest, but you've got work to do first.
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| From threehoursaweek.blogspot.com |
Athletes face The Pain Cave often. Competitors know it well. The trick is to train your body to endure discomfort, to push beyond what you think are your limits, for a few seconds, minutes, hours or longer. Champions do it all the time.
Take the women's 3k individual pursuit. Seconds after the explosive start, the body starts to scream. Three laps in, the body wants to shut down. But there's 9 laps remaining. Enter the pain cave. An athlete's ability to push through this barrier can set records or not. The queen of the pain cave? Five time World Champion Sarah Hammer.
How can you increase your pain cave threshold?
Practice. Practice. And more practice.
Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Push yourself little by little and increase your tolerance by stepping out of your comfort zone. Be intentional and deliberate with your practice. Play around with things outside of your sport - yoga, hiking, skiing, ice plunges, etc. Reach the spot where the body starts to scream and push, push, push. Tell your body it will get a rest, but you've got work to do first.
Monday, January 06, 2014
Such Great Heights
Transported, once again.
This song catches me between happiness and loss.
It reminds me of an undeniable love, a love we built together.
I'm so thankful I know it, deep in my bones, down to my soul. It taught me how to love.
Ryan touched me. And it aches knowing he's gone.
It's such a special place, the one I'm transported to.
Sad and happy - a different wave of grief as time passes.
Saturday, January 04, 2014
Resolutions: Love 'em or Leave 'em.
Resolution:
1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.2. A resolving to do something.
3. A course of action determined or decided on.
It's my favorite time of year, as far as resolutions go. I've asked everyone I bump into at one point or another, "so, what are YOUR resolutions?"
And I usually get the following response:
Resolutions are lame. I don't believe in deciding to change something about myself during the first of the year simply because society says I should. If I'm going to do something, I'm just going to do it.
Word.
That is, until I admit what my resolutions are. I'm not afraid to say what I want to improve and grow upon. I want to hike the incline and do yoga weekly, I want to hand write letters to my friends (old school!), I want to detox and eat mindfully. I want to reflect on the previous year and say, hot damn! That was one for the books!
How can I do it better?
Reflection is a great chance to say YES to growth. How do I want to improve what I'm doing? What do I want to celebrate? What do I want to look back on a year from now and soak in the lessons learned, the laughter shared, the moments of triumph and failure?
We get one chance on this planet and I resolve to make the most of it. You should too.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Standing on the edge...
I'm standing on the edge of a canyon, weighed down by a suitcase clutched in my right hand. In it are all of my experiences: keys to my past, things that make me who I am and a foundation for what I want to become. I brought the bare minimum, open to learning more, ready for the challenge and curious what I'll throw out along the way.
The panoramic view excites me. There's so much to explore, so many things to encounter, so many experiences to be had. I'm committed to this journey. I'm ready to dig deep, excavate and put my heart and soul into this work.
I take a deep breath and start to make my way down to the bottom of the canyon via a faint switch back trail. It's dusty and hard to maneuver with my suitcase, but I'm determined I may need some of its contents later.
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| Taken from http://mpeesel.com/randomness-on-the-trail/ |
What's the canyon you're standing on? What's your journey?
I just committed to writing my memoir in six months. And by committed, I mean I'm taking an intensive course that's going to challenge me in ways I never imagined. My goals are to complete 60,000 words of my story, my perspective on how grief is a gift. I'm ready to let my voice be heard.
I'll share my insights along the way - from shitty first drafts to polished prose; to challenges and triumphs and those well timed aha's! Sit down and buckle up, this is sure to be a wild ride.
Sunday, December 01, 2013
The Academy's Apex
I struggled on the hill today up the Academy. Actually, I struggle every time I climb that hill. My legs felt like they were going to explode and the group just rode away like I was standing still. I contemplated turning around for a brief second and riding out the North Gate. No one would know except me. I looked up the hill and saw other people struggling in the wind and thought this is making me stronger.
I may not be the fastest. I may not be the strongest. But today I brought my best. And that's all you can hope for.
I crested the hill happy I didn't quit, happy I struggled. If it were easy I wouldn't be doing it. I love the challenge. I love pushing myself to my physical and mental limits to learn how I can grow and go faster as a cyclist and as a person.
Plus, what goes up must come down. And I am addicted to speed. I love moving quickly through space and time, zooming downhill inches away from other riders and picking the right wheel and line to the sprint point. Balancing the fine line between risk and reward.
It's important to practice your strengths and your weaknesses. Lucky for me I got both on today's ride.
What moves you? What are your limits? When faced with struggles, do you embrace them or turn away? Where's your apex?
I may not be the fastest. I may not be the strongest. But today I brought my best. And that's all you can hope for.
I crested the hill happy I didn't quit, happy I struggled. If it were easy I wouldn't be doing it. I love the challenge. I love pushing myself to my physical and mental limits to learn how I can grow and go faster as a cyclist and as a person.
Plus, what goes up must come down. And I am addicted to speed. I love moving quickly through space and time, zooming downhill inches away from other riders and picking the right wheel and line to the sprint point. Balancing the fine line between risk and reward.
It's important to practice your strengths and your weaknesses. Lucky for me I got both on today's ride.
What moves you? What are your limits? When faced with struggles, do you embrace them or turn away? Where's your apex?
Saturday, November 30, 2013
November Notes
This short interlude brought to you by writing a novel in the month of November…. done and done!
A quick recap of what happened in the month of November:
Karissa and I decided to pair up for ParaCycling Track Nationals about 2 weeks prior. It took us a week to get her bike up and running so we did a total of 2 track sessions before heading to LA and won 3 national titles. Boom!
Benjamin was there with his Team Pursuit squad and got to witness it all. He may or may not have said, "I'd be okay if you never did that again!" after the tandem match sprints.
I am now a Level 1 USA Cycling Coach! Completed the course a few weeks ago and am stoked for the personal and professional development it brings. I have spots available for those interested.
I wrote 41,000 words. My goal was 50,000 but I lost steam in LA. Now that I know what it takes, I'll attempt it again next year. I did develop some great new writing habits - like spending 2 hours a day in front of the computer without connectivity. I highly recommend it if you've ever toyed with the idea of writing a novel.
My dad came out for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately they didn't get to meet my world traveler fiancé but soon enough!
Been reading a ton again - now that I have my evenings back from writing (though not for long. I committed to finishing my memoir in 6 months)… "Mindset" by Carol Dweck is really good. My library queue has "Good to Great," "Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul," "Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook," and "How to Write Short: Word Craft for Fast Times."
A quick recap of what happened in the month of November:
Karissa and I decided to pair up for ParaCycling Track Nationals about 2 weeks prior. It took us a week to get her bike up and running so we did a total of 2 track sessions before heading to LA and won 3 national titles. Boom!
I am now a Level 1 USA Cycling Coach! Completed the course a few weeks ago and am stoked for the personal and professional development it brings. I have spots available for those interested.
I wrote 41,000 words. My goal was 50,000 but I lost steam in LA. Now that I know what it takes, I'll attempt it again next year. I did develop some great new writing habits - like spending 2 hours a day in front of the computer without connectivity. I highly recommend it if you've ever toyed with the idea of writing a novel.
My dad came out for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately they didn't get to meet my world traveler fiancé but soon enough!
Been reading a ton again - now that I have my evenings back from writing (though not for long. I committed to finishing my memoir in 6 months)… "Mindset" by Carol Dweck is really good. My library queue has "Good to Great," "Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul," "Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook," and "How to Write Short: Word Craft for Fast Times."
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Chasing Tandem Dreams
My palms are sweaty and I'm thankful for long fingered gloves. The aero bars on the tandem are slick and any added moisture could cause big problems. I don't want to risk it.
We take to the track, winding up our speed to gradually enter the banked track on the back straight. Although I've done countless revolutions on the LA Velodrome, being out on a tandem is new. And frightening. I'm not just responsible for my own well being, I now guide my stoker through space and time. She follows my movements and cues, pedaling through the turns and holding on for dear life.
I relax. The bike tracks smoothly through the turns.
I've got this, I tell myself. I know she'll feel my hesitation, my twitches, my fears. When I relax the bike goes in the straight line. We wind up our speed at the top of the track, and I push back the reality of how far we would fall if something went wrong. Down we dive, taking a straight line from corner 4 into corner 1. Our speed increases like a mac truck, legs pumping like pistons as we tick off laps. I dial us onto the sprinters line, not moving outside even as the turns pull the bike up track. The black line is the shortest distance around the track and I am determined to stick to it and not stray.
I smile the more we practice. Moments come more and more frequently where I feel like I'm on the bike by myself. Our movements are synched up. We are strongly pushing 300 pounds through the air, chasing lap times and dreams.
I love chasing dreams.
We take to the track, winding up our speed to gradually enter the banked track on the back straight. Although I've done countless revolutions on the LA Velodrome, being out on a tandem is new. And frightening. I'm not just responsible for my own well being, I now guide my stoker through space and time. She follows my movements and cues, pedaling through the turns and holding on for dear life.
I relax. The bike tracks smoothly through the turns.
I've got this, I tell myself. I know she'll feel my hesitation, my twitches, my fears. When I relax the bike goes in the straight line. We wind up our speed at the top of the track, and I push back the reality of how far we would fall if something went wrong. Down we dive, taking a straight line from corner 4 into corner 1. Our speed increases like a mac truck, legs pumping like pistons as we tick off laps. I dial us onto the sprinters line, not moving outside even as the turns pull the bike up track. The black line is the shortest distance around the track and I am determined to stick to it and not stray.
I smile the more we practice. Moments come more and more frequently where I feel like I'm on the bike by myself. Our movements are synched up. We are strongly pushing 300 pounds through the air, chasing lap times and dreams.
I love chasing dreams.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
How did you spend your weekend?
Spent the day with Benjamin up at Buffalo Creek, CO on our 29" mountain bikes. It was one of those perfect late fall days, where you could get away with no knee warmers and slip down arm warmers. The trails cross three wild fire scars from 1996, 2000 and 2001. The area is slowly and I mean slowly, renewing itself.
We stopped at the top of one of the first climbs and he looked at me, one leg unclipped as he balanced on his bike. "I love being able to share this with you."
My heart soared. "And I with you."
I am so thankful for the moments we spend together.
While waiting for some uphill traffic I snapped this photo. I love me some Colorado blue sky!
The single track is fantastic. Nothing crazy technical, except for the one downhill run we took were we had to hike a bike more than we rode it. Thankfully we intercepted some downhillers that were finishing the section we had just hiked up and told us to turn around.
You could easily spend a weekend up here, playing on single track and exploring the area, figuring out which trails link up the best with others. Summed up in one word? Gratitude.
We stopped at the top of one of the first climbs and he looked at me, one leg unclipped as he balanced on his bike. "I love being able to share this with you."
My heart soared. "And I with you."
I am so thankful for the moments we spend together.
While waiting for some uphill traffic I snapped this photo. I love me some Colorado blue sky!
The single track is fantastic. Nothing crazy technical, except for the one downhill run we took were we had to hike a bike more than we rode it. Thankfully we intercepted some downhillers that were finishing the section we had just hiked up and told us to turn around.
You could easily spend a weekend up here, playing on single track and exploring the area, figuring out which trails link up the best with others. Summed up in one word? Gratitude.
Monday, October 28, 2013
All roads lead to Chinatown.
You wouldn't guess by looking at me, but Chinese/Hawaiian ancestry runs through my blood. It's on my mother's father's side of the family. Immigrants to Hawaii long ago and a blend with the locals, the family made its way by owning a full service laundry mat (well before washer and driers were invented) and some real estate. My two front teeth are scooped - a little trickle down affect of my asian blood. But then again, you couldn't tell by looking at me.
I joined my mom in Honolulu this week to clean out my grandmother's house. Gam, my grandmother, passed this last March at the ripe age of 96. She lived in Nu'uanu Pali, up the mountain from downtown Honolulu, the last stop before crossing over to Kailua side. Gam and my grandfather bought this brand new house in 1955. The covered car porch and gate has four Chinese emblems built in. I only just found out on this trip they mean happiness.
Happiness, indeed.
The house sold after 22 offers in a week. It is a gem. A nice big lot in the rain forest, just a few miles from downtown.
We've been cleaning out decades of treasures: wooden bowls, bone china from the kitchen cupboards, the occasional cockroach stuck to the cabinet floor, books filled with notes, old slides, ice picks, you name it. It's like living someone's life in reverse. You can tell a lot about someone by what they keep and what they don't have around. Old sewing machines from a time when if you wanted new clothes, you had to make them. Gam had every kind of twine you can imagine - old fishing line on a spool bigger than your thigh and small hemp that bound her boxes of Christmas ornaments. Dowels in every width and length, ready for any project she might think up.
We also had to sell her car: a 1996 Acura with less than 40,000 miles on it. We listed it on Craigslist and had a dozen responses in an hour. The couple that came up to Nu'uanu met us that afternoon. We could barely understand one another - their English was choppy and our Mandarin nonexistent. We managed to make plans to meet the following day at the DMV to transfer the title and then deliver the car to Milikini street. Mom had to get one of her trustee documents notarized and the wife drove her into Chinatown into some back street and had her climb four flights of stairs into some dark office. The notary didn't speak a lick of English and the entire transaction was completed in Chinese.
Business transaction complete, I followed my mom who followed the wife back through China Town. We drove past where my grandmother's funeral was, past the noodle shops, past the mauna pua factories. We could've taken a quicker, more direct route. But for this lady, all roads lead to Chinatown.
I joined my mom in Honolulu this week to clean out my grandmother's house. Gam, my grandmother, passed this last March at the ripe age of 96. She lived in Nu'uanu Pali, up the mountain from downtown Honolulu, the last stop before crossing over to Kailua side. Gam and my grandfather bought this brand new house in 1955. The covered car porch and gate has four Chinese emblems built in. I only just found out on this trip they mean happiness.
The house sold after 22 offers in a week. It is a gem. A nice big lot in the rain forest, just a few miles from downtown.
We've been cleaning out decades of treasures: wooden bowls, bone china from the kitchen cupboards, the occasional cockroach stuck to the cabinet floor, books filled with notes, old slides, ice picks, you name it. It's like living someone's life in reverse. You can tell a lot about someone by what they keep and what they don't have around. Old sewing machines from a time when if you wanted new clothes, you had to make them. Gam had every kind of twine you can imagine - old fishing line on a spool bigger than your thigh and small hemp that bound her boxes of Christmas ornaments. Dowels in every width and length, ready for any project she might think up.
We also had to sell her car: a 1996 Acura with less than 40,000 miles on it. We listed it on Craigslist and had a dozen responses in an hour. The couple that came up to Nu'uanu met us that afternoon. We could barely understand one another - their English was choppy and our Mandarin nonexistent. We managed to make plans to meet the following day at the DMV to transfer the title and then deliver the car to Milikini street. Mom had to get one of her trustee documents notarized and the wife drove her into Chinatown into some back street and had her climb four flights of stairs into some dark office. The notary didn't speak a lick of English and the entire transaction was completed in Chinese.
Business transaction complete, I followed my mom who followed the wife back through China Town. We drove past where my grandmother's funeral was, past the noodle shops, past the mauna pua factories. We could've taken a quicker, more direct route. But for this lady, all roads lead to Chinatown.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
GET A BIKE FIT.
We spent close to five hours working on my position on the bike. No leaf unturned, Colby methodically inspected every aspect of how I rode my bike. Cleat position in relation to how my feet function, handle bar position, hood position, saddle height, saddle position, the saddle itself, and attention toward my flexibility and mobility as an athlete. No leaf unturned.
The biggest transformation? Pelvic tilt. I had been sitting back in my saddle to protect my soft tissue. Now I'm sitting forward, and lengthening my spine which flattens my back out. I increased my stem length from a baby 80 mm to 110mm. HUGE DIFFERENCE.
I rode four hours the next day and felt amazing. No pain. No tightness. No foot pain or strain. Just put my head down and pounded out the miles. The sun definitely helped - and the fact we didn't have to wear arm warmers. It's so nice not having to think about what hurts or what you tolerate on the bike when you ride.
If you haven't had a proper bike fit - what are you waiting for? If you knew you could increase your comfort and power on the bike ten fold by spending some dollars on improving your position - then why haven't you? And if you want the best - Colby is fantastic.
After moving things around, I may or may not have said "Oh sheeeeiiiitttt. Those bizzos are in trouble."
The biggest transformation? Pelvic tilt. I had been sitting back in my saddle to protect my soft tissue. Now I'm sitting forward, and lengthening my spine which flattens my back out. I increased my stem length from a baby 80 mm to 110mm. HUGE DIFFERENCE.
I rode four hours the next day and felt amazing. No pain. No tightness. No foot pain or strain. Just put my head down and pounded out the miles. The sun definitely helped - and the fact we didn't have to wear arm warmers. It's so nice not having to think about what hurts or what you tolerate on the bike when you ride.
If you haven't had a proper bike fit - what are you waiting for? If you knew you could increase your comfort and power on the bike ten fold by spending some dollars on improving your position - then why haven't you? And if you want the best - Colby is fantastic.
After moving things around, I may or may not have said "Oh sheeeeiiiitttt. Those bizzos are in trouble."
Sunday, October 20, 2013
One Word at a Time
Long tights, wool under layers, sunny skies, fallen leaves, miles of roads and lots of training... my morning ground ride leaves in an hour. Baby's in the Netherlands and I'm getting a laundry list of writing done. So far this morning: 1,000 words, and yes, I keep track. Each morning I wake up before it's light out, turn on my reading light and dive into a novel for an hour or so. Once my grumbling tummy can no longer be ignored, I head downstairs with a whining Makiah in tow. A scoop of kibble in her dog dish, a scoop of oatmeal and water in a pot and I sit down, scribbling down morning thoughts in my green journal. I read more while eating, filling my mind with words, noticing what works for some writers and what doesn't. (New pet peeve: when someone says something is indescribable. All I read is cop out! Come on, you have to have felt something. Tell us about it. Or at least try. That's your duty as a writer. Also note to self: never use that saying, even though I have. :))
After breakfast, I head upstairs and sit down, turn on some music and begin my morning writing. I tease and pull out prose. I don't judge it, I just get it out. Letting the muse inside transform the laptop before me. I watch as the word count creep up, pleased with my progress. If focused, I can squeeze out those 1,000 words in about an hour. Some of it's good, some of it mediocre. Regardless of its quality, it's a first draft and it's more important to get things out on paper than it is to critique. At least not right now.
Sometimes I sit, mind blank as I stare out the window watching the world spin by. Sometimes I type, unable to keep up with the thoughts in my head and transferring them to paper. Sometimes I weep, caught up in the memory of Ryan as memoirs require you to access your past, to drudge up long forgotten memories that were left quiet in the recess of your mind. It's hard work putting your memories down on paper and accurately describing what you know is true. But it is beyond rewarding.
Goal for next week: Chapter 8. Getting it done, one word at a time. Travel to Hawaii to pack up my grandmother's house. Spend quality time with my mom.
Reading: Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes; The Writer Who Stayed by William Zinsser.
Just finished reading: On Writing by Stephen King; The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
After breakfast, I head upstairs and sit down, turn on some music and begin my morning writing. I tease and pull out prose. I don't judge it, I just get it out. Letting the muse inside transform the laptop before me. I watch as the word count creep up, pleased with my progress. If focused, I can squeeze out those 1,000 words in about an hour. Some of it's good, some of it mediocre. Regardless of its quality, it's a first draft and it's more important to get things out on paper than it is to critique. At least not right now.
Sometimes I sit, mind blank as I stare out the window watching the world spin by. Sometimes I type, unable to keep up with the thoughts in my head and transferring them to paper. Sometimes I weep, caught up in the memory of Ryan as memoirs require you to access your past, to drudge up long forgotten memories that were left quiet in the recess of your mind. It's hard work putting your memories down on paper and accurately describing what you know is true. But it is beyond rewarding.
Goal for next week: Chapter 8. Getting it done, one word at a time. Travel to Hawaii to pack up my grandmother's house. Spend quality time with my mom.
Reading: Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes; The Writer Who Stayed by William Zinsser.
Just finished reading: On Writing by Stephen King; The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Change
 |
| 8:00am Saturday |
 |
| 8:22 am Saturday |
And yesterday, as I sat at the kitchen table, I noticed a big fat squirrel perched on the wooden fence. Its cheeks were full and an extra layer of fat covered its body. It's going to be a crazy winter.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Musings
Thoughts from my journal:
Froze toes, ice cube legs, snow dusting the ground.
Cranked heater, warming soup, boiling water for tea.
Multiple layers: wools, down vest, leggings, wool socks - negated by wet hair.
Snow slowly floating down in large flakes - reaching the ground and dissolving.
Raspy cough: hard efforts with cold air created wheezes.
Upstairs shower dripping warm water, as Ben warms up.
Today: round two of let's get used to winter in October. On tap - a 3.5 hour ride.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Tales from the Tandem
I rode the scooter to the Olympic Training Center, excited to meet some new para-cycling faces and see some familiar ones. I walked into the Gold room and was welcomed by a lot of smiling happy campers, ready to tackle a week of track racing. Behind me sat Jason, who after a few minutes of chatting told me I would be piloting him this week. Jason had lost his vision about 10 years before while serving in the Marine Corp overseas. Cycling gave him an outlet to feel the wind in his face, the burn in his lungs and legs and helped him lose weight. We agreed to meet the following morning and ride over to the track together.
New to tandem track riding, the rear drop outs and timing chain setup baffled me. Due to the chain length and the laborious process it took to change gears, we were restricted to our gear selection. Our choices for warmup were either really small, or really, really big. Thankfully Jason's coach Glen was available to help us with the gearing change outs.
Check out the picture to the left. Notice anything different? Yep, there's a second track chain running on the drive side. Due to the crazy amount of torque and force two people generate, the bike has rear drop out guides to prevent the rear wheel from slipping, especially during standing starts. The wheel never budged however, changing the gears meant adjusting 6 points of contact - two drop out screws, two set bolts, rear cog (with a lock ring - trust me, you need it) and of course the front chain ring. Add two people totaling around 350 pounds, and well, you've got a lot of faith in your equipment that things will go according to plan.
Day one we made sure the bike was functioning and that we could ride the track together with no issues. Andy had us do a flying 2k pursuit and flying kilo. It sure is nice having a strong engine behind you to get that puppy up to speed! We suffered in the last couple of laps during the pursuit, but definitely set our mark.
Day two we got the bike ready to go for the group warm up. We did 20 minutes at the stayers line and then dropped down into the sprinters lane to do the final 10 laps of warmup. We had just accelerated and got to the front of the group when BAM! Our rear tire blew off the rim. We were coming out of corner 2, thankfully down near the apron.
"Oh shit, oh shit," was all I could say.
Jason started fishtailing behind me and all I could think was, I don't want him to land on top of me. Hold it upright!
"Oh shit," he said in response.
Some how, some way we were able to hold it upright and came to a perfect 10 dismount exiting corner four, landing on our feet and not on the pavement. PHEW!
Jason called my piloting baptism by fire.
Day three we completed a warmup behind a motorcycle and things went smoothly. Andy had us practice standing starts to work on technique and get coached on areas where we can improve. Jason had practiced them with his other track pilot so he was familiar with the movement and how to get out of the saddle. I have done several hundred starts on my single track bike, but experiencing them on the track tandem was a first.
"5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1!" Andy shouted as he released us from the sprinters lane.
The bike lumbered forward and I looked down to what was right in front of me. We wiggled onto the apron as I struggled to keep us on the track and moving forward. I giggled uncontrollably as Jason's movements felt like a monkey humping me from behind. I couldn't get out of the saddle, unsure of this new position and feeling his hot breath on my back.
"Why are you laughing?" Jason asked.
"It's not you, it's me! It just felt really, really weird," I said unable to quiet my giggles.
I couldn't tell him what it really felt like, at least not yet. Sure we had gone through a rear tire blow out and we quickly getting to know one another, but I didn't feel comfortable telling him that I was laughing because I pictured in my head that this is how monkey's do it. Because my saddle height was lower than his other pilot, it caused his bars to be further down and therefore threw his weight further forward. It really wasn't his fault - he was just doing what he had to do to get us moving. Later that day, I admitted that it felt like a monkey hump and we laughed for a good 5 minutes straight.
"If you can pilot me, you can pilot anyone," Jason said.
Our technique improved substantially and by the last day of camp, we laid down a 2:25 pursuit, besting our time by 8 seconds. Our kilo time also improved to a 1:07, three seconds better than just a few days prior. One thing is for sure, I love piloting a tandem. It is awesome to help someone else feel the joy of riding when they otherwise couldn't. Even if that means experiencing the occasional monkey hump.
Check out the picture to the left. Notice anything different? Yep, there's a second track chain running on the drive side. Due to the crazy amount of torque and force two people generate, the bike has rear drop out guides to prevent the rear wheel from slipping, especially during standing starts. The wheel never budged however, changing the gears meant adjusting 6 points of contact - two drop out screws, two set bolts, rear cog (with a lock ring - trust me, you need it) and of course the front chain ring. Add two people totaling around 350 pounds, and well, you've got a lot of faith in your equipment that things will go according to plan.
Day one we made sure the bike was functioning and that we could ride the track together with no issues. Andy had us do a flying 2k pursuit and flying kilo. It sure is nice having a strong engine behind you to get that puppy up to speed! We suffered in the last couple of laps during the pursuit, but definitely set our mark.
Day two we got the bike ready to go for the group warm up. We did 20 minutes at the stayers line and then dropped down into the sprinters lane to do the final 10 laps of warmup. We had just accelerated and got to the front of the group when BAM! Our rear tire blew off the rim. We were coming out of corner 2, thankfully down near the apron.
"Oh shit, oh shit," was all I could say.
Jason started fishtailing behind me and all I could think was, I don't want him to land on top of me. Hold it upright!
"Oh shit," he said in response.
Some how, some way we were able to hold it upright and came to a perfect 10 dismount exiting corner four, landing on our feet and not on the pavement. PHEW!
Jason called my piloting baptism by fire.
Day three we completed a warmup behind a motorcycle and things went smoothly. Andy had us practice standing starts to work on technique and get coached on areas where we can improve. Jason had practiced them with his other track pilot so he was familiar with the movement and how to get out of the saddle. I have done several hundred starts on my single track bike, but experiencing them on the track tandem was a first.
"5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1!" Andy shouted as he released us from the sprinters lane.
The bike lumbered forward and I looked down to what was right in front of me. We wiggled onto the apron as I struggled to keep us on the track and moving forward. I giggled uncontrollably as Jason's movements felt like a monkey humping me from behind. I couldn't get out of the saddle, unsure of this new position and feeling his hot breath on my back.
"Why are you laughing?" Jason asked.
"It's not you, it's me! It just felt really, really weird," I said unable to quiet my giggles.
I couldn't tell him what it really felt like, at least not yet. Sure we had gone through a rear tire blow out and we quickly getting to know one another, but I didn't feel comfortable telling him that I was laughing because I pictured in my head that this is how monkey's do it. Because my saddle height was lower than his other pilot, it caused his bars to be further down and therefore threw his weight further forward. It really wasn't his fault - he was just doing what he had to do to get us moving. Later that day, I admitted that it felt like a monkey hump and we laughed for a good 5 minutes straight.
"If you can pilot me, you can pilot anyone," Jason said.
Our technique improved substantially and by the last day of camp, we laid down a 2:25 pursuit, besting our time by 8 seconds. Our kilo time also improved to a 1:07, three seconds better than just a few days prior. One thing is for sure, I love piloting a tandem. It is awesome to help someone else feel the joy of riding when they otherwise couldn't. Even if that means experiencing the occasional monkey hump.
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Clear as mud.
How much are you willing to compromise to make something work?
A recent honest question caused somewhat of a shit storm. I asked it out of genuine curiosity. And it triggered the person whose ears it fell on. The response came in spurts: how could you even ask? Crying, blaming, screaming and then eventually silence.
How much are you willing to compromise to make something work?
Once the silence was broken, a slur of accusations erupted out. In order to make this work I was being demanded to compromise my integrity, my honesty and who I am. Veiled in threats, shame, tears and emotions it came out in a circular and incoherent pattern. This is after I had apologized for asking the question in which I did. But I would not apologize for asking it. It still hadn't been answered. It was an honest, simple question.
How much are you willing to compromise to make something work?
It happened so fast and quickly, that I thank my lucky stars and intuition that I kept my wits about me and didn't agree to anything I would regret. Fifty-five minutes passed in a blink of an eye.
How much are you willing to compromise to make something work?
At this point, I was willing to let the answer to the question slide. Even though it would be nice to know the answer. But I was paying a tall price in order to find out. And the answer really didn't matter. We all own our truths.
How much are you willing to compromise to make something work?
Unwilling to move forward, she stayed in her perspective and I stayed in mine. She wanted me to step into hers, absorb it, own it, live it breath it. And I refused. That's not my job, nor my burden. I am willing to move on, to recognize each of our positions and come to some sort of reconciliation. But when it became obvious she only saw it one way, I called it.Do you want to work it out or dissolve it?
Her answer was clear as mud when she hung up on me.
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