The house is quiet. The dogs are in their respective beds, shaking slightly from the booming thunder outside. The lights flickered off for a moment earlier. Fall is here.
The leaves are golden shades of yellow and the weather changed overnight. Gone are the 80+ degree days. They are replaced by chilly evenings and either a sweater thrown on or turning on the heat. I now bundle up when I ride Penny home from the Market when I get off work, sometime after 7. It's dark too.
Pikes Peak has been shouldered in clouds the past two days. A quick glimpse here and there reveals snow. Everyone has a smile on their face. Snow, moisture, the cycle of life. These mountains, these huge 14,000 feet plus giants are collecting their winter coats. They're trying them on for size and the kiddos are getting excited to play in its bounty. And by play I mean screaming YAHOO!!! down the mountain with planks under feet. Winter is on its way.
Butternut squash, pumpkins, gourds, apples, fattening up for the holidays. Yes, please. Dark stouts, wool socks, scarfs, gloves, puffy coats. And being the second person into bed on those cold nights to spoon with my sweetie. And no, I'm not talking about Moonli (or Makiah)!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Soul Meets Body
A friend asked - are they out there? Yeah, they are. Just not in the form they used to be. But he visits me in his own way. And when he does, I smile in remembrance. What an honor.
And when those reinforcements come, they affirm living each day to the fullest. They affirm loving with all my being - this life, loved ones, friends, family, dogs, sun, bikes, laughter, happiness. I am fulfilled beyond belief. And I know he's smiling right back at me, with me and for me.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Really Listening
When's the last time you listened, really listened to someone?
When was the last time you shushed the millions of things that pull at you in every direction during the day, and fully engrossed yourself in what someone else was saying? When you listened not only to the words out of their mouths, but the expression on their faces and the body language they used to tell a story?
Did you find yourself leaning in? Did time and space stop? Did the world stop spinning madly on and you had a connection, an undeniable connection with people?
I work in a gourmet market and our customers are foodies, beyond a doubt. Or at least the regulars are. Every shift I hear amazing stories about their lives. The mother who is worried about her college daughters attachment to a boy who is only looking out for himself. (She likes Lemon Blueberry cookies.) The couple who helped their 90 year old neighbor retrieve his clothing after 2 months of quarantine since the Waldo Canyon Fire. (HUGE fans of the fish and chips.) The woman who pedaled to the summit of Pikes Peak, still in chamois 12 hours later, with her sweet boyfriend (turns out he's THE Andrew Hampsten). Seriously. I waited on Mr. Hampsten. And his lovely girlfriend who tackled some demons on that hardcore climb. (She ate a muffin with a pint of vanilla bean ice cream. Well deserved!)
People have amazing stories to share. Ones that take you outside of yourself. Ones that make you realize just how its the people in your life, the fulfillment from relationships and your ability to listen to others, that make you rich beyond belief. People provide a connection to this enormous Universe.
Yes, my feet are screaming. I walked 20 miles inside of the store on concrete. But I had a constant smile and enough tips to buy myself a six pack. I also had a connection to a small little slice of the Universe with its purple mountains and crisp fall air. I love it here. And by here, I mean living in the here and now. There's no place I'd rather be.
I challenge you to try listening, really listening to someone other than yourself. Lean in and get close. You never know what you might learn.
When was the last time you shushed the millions of things that pull at you in every direction during the day, and fully engrossed yourself in what someone else was saying? When you listened not only to the words out of their mouths, but the expression on their faces and the body language they used to tell a story?
Did you find yourself leaning in? Did time and space stop? Did the world stop spinning madly on and you had a connection, an undeniable connection with people?
I work in a gourmet market and our customers are foodies, beyond a doubt. Or at least the regulars are. Every shift I hear amazing stories about their lives. The mother who is worried about her college daughters attachment to a boy who is only looking out for himself. (She likes Lemon Blueberry cookies.) The couple who helped their 90 year old neighbor retrieve his clothing after 2 months of quarantine since the Waldo Canyon Fire. (HUGE fans of the fish and chips.) The woman who pedaled to the summit of Pikes Peak, still in chamois 12 hours later, with her sweet boyfriend (turns out he's THE Andrew Hampsten). Seriously. I waited on Mr. Hampsten. And his lovely girlfriend who tackled some demons on that hardcore climb. (She ate a muffin with a pint of vanilla bean ice cream. Well deserved!)
People have amazing stories to share. Ones that take you outside of yourself. Ones that make you realize just how its the people in your life, the fulfillment from relationships and your ability to listen to others, that make you rich beyond belief. People provide a connection to this enormous Universe.
Yes, my feet are screaming. I walked 20 miles inside of the store on concrete. But I had a constant smile and enough tips to buy myself a six pack. I also had a connection to a small little slice of the Universe with its purple mountains and crisp fall air. I love it here. And by here, I mean living in the here and now. There's no place I'd rather be.
I challenge you to try listening, really listening to someone other than yourself. Lean in and get close. You never know what you might learn.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Courage via encouragement.
All I needed was a little encouragement, really.
And today, I got a HUGE serving of encouragement.
Week two of 6 months worth of Toastmaster meetings. Remember last week? How I told you about Table Topics and was put on the spot to give a pitch to a publisher on a new cook book I was writing? My words failed me. I said um, a lot. Plus I'm pretty sure the audience could hear my pounding heart. It was awkward and once I sat back down in my seat I was completely embarrassed for my speech lasted maybe 30 seconds. But the first time was out of the way and that's all that mattered.
Today I woke up, took a shower and put some nice clothes on. I wasn't scheduled for a speech but just in case, I wanted to come prepared. Prepared for another topic or even my icebreaker speech if need be. And guess what? They called on me again. But this time they did ask me before the meeting if I would like to participate. Sure! Why not? I'm only going to get better by being thrown to the wolves.
Today's topic - travel. Perfect! Except I had to mention a place I would never visit again. To be honest, I can't think of a single place I've traveled that I wouldn't go again. So I turned the topic into traveling to London for the Olympics. I told my story about surprising Benjamin and they laughed at the escalator encounter. I made eye contact, noticed my heart was still in my chest and felt WAY more comfortable in front of the group than anyone. Not to mention I noticed the timer when I had been speaking for over two minutes! And they were laughing with me, not at me. Benjamin did have two options really on how he could have reacted to my surprise.... thankfully he was stoked.
That round was way, way, way easier. Phew!
As with every meeting, they hand out awards at the end of the program to recognize and encourage participants. And guess what? I received best Table Topic speech and Most Timely!
TWO AWARDS!
So yeah, you could say I'm slightly encouraged. And I signed up for my first speech - an Icebreaker for October 4. I was going to talk about being an athlete, but I think I'm going to go out on a limb here and really share my story. Why not start where I want to take public speaking? I can already picture myself in front of a stadium audience. Oh boy!
And today, I got a HUGE serving of encouragement.
Week two of 6 months worth of Toastmaster meetings. Remember last week? How I told you about Table Topics and was put on the spot to give a pitch to a publisher on a new cook book I was writing? My words failed me. I said um, a lot. Plus I'm pretty sure the audience could hear my pounding heart. It was awkward and once I sat back down in my seat I was completely embarrassed for my speech lasted maybe 30 seconds. But the first time was out of the way and that's all that mattered.
Today I woke up, took a shower and put some nice clothes on. I wasn't scheduled for a speech but just in case, I wanted to come prepared. Prepared for another topic or even my icebreaker speech if need be. And guess what? They called on me again. But this time they did ask me before the meeting if I would like to participate. Sure! Why not? I'm only going to get better by being thrown to the wolves.
Today's topic - travel. Perfect! Except I had to mention a place I would never visit again. To be honest, I can't think of a single place I've traveled that I wouldn't go again. So I turned the topic into traveling to London for the Olympics. I told my story about surprising Benjamin and they laughed at the escalator encounter. I made eye contact, noticed my heart was still in my chest and felt WAY more comfortable in front of the group than anyone. Not to mention I noticed the timer when I had been speaking for over two minutes! And they were laughing with me, not at me. Benjamin did have two options really on how he could have reacted to my surprise.... thankfully he was stoked.
That round was way, way, way easier. Phew!
As with every meeting, they hand out awards at the end of the program to recognize and encourage participants. And guess what? I received best Table Topic speech and Most Timely!
TWO AWARDS!
So yeah, you could say I'm slightly encouraged. And I signed up for my first speech - an Icebreaker for October 4. I was going to talk about being an athlete, but I think I'm going to go out on a limb here and really share my story. Why not start where I want to take public speaking? I can already picture myself in front of a stadium audience. Oh boy!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Monday: Let the countdown to the weekend begin!
Yep, another weekend packed full of good times.
The weather in Colorado has been amazing. Cooler mornings, heat mid day and then warm evenings. That pinch me, I must be dreaming sensation continues.
Last week was interesting. With the new merger of Garden of the Gods' Gourmet and The Pinery, people have shifted positions, been asked to leave and left right where they are. My attempts to resign over a month ago from the wedding planning division were responded with a request to hang in there were finally answered on Friday, when I got to work a shift back in the Market. The energy is undeniable, the people friendly, the smiles and jokes - I like it. I like it a lot. And my hours are pretty sweet - 2pm - 7:30ish. I'll tell you though, prior to the shift back I was ready to walk again. Everyday I willed myself to put a smile on, grin and bare it. Sometimes you have to. And sometimes it pays, sometimes it leaves you wondering why you put up with things as long as you did.
Long story short - if something is making you uncomfortable and unhappy - CHANGE IT! We all have the power to do so.
Energized, I looked forward to the weekend full of bikes, friends, cross and fun. Saturdays group ride was awesome until I hit a massive pot hole and pinch flatted 1/4 mile later. The group still compact, everyone continued on. Brian's question, "Do you have everything?" Yep!
Except my spare tube had a hole. And I was out in Kansas. Sweet. Time to dial a cab for the first time ever. No worries though, the day still young, my legs still fresh I opted to head up to Woodland Park and climb 2,000 feet. I love riding up there. The Aspens are changing bright hues of yellow and Pikes Peak has snow on its flanks.
Fall is such a beautiful time of year, pretty much everywhere. I love soaking in the days warmth, knowing cold weather is on its way. The sweet part about living in Colorado? The sunny days don't end when the seasons change. We had two cloudy days last week, for the first time in two months. I feel so lucky.
Sunday, I drove up to Denver early to meet up with my friend Shawn. He's doing awesome. Got a new promotion and is taking a road trip before he starts October 1 in sunny San Diego. He's super excited for the opportunity. We talked about dreams and aspirations and he's making his come true. It is so freaking cool to hear a friend doing so well, creating opportunities for himself and gaining such personal growth. Our two hours together flew by and regrettably I had to head to Boulder for some racing action. But I know we'll visit again soon. Some people you just know will be in your life for the rest of your life. Good friends are awesome and I'm so grateful for those in my life.
I arrived in Boulder amongst the heat. 87 degrees and lots of dust but on the coolest cross course I've been on. Yes, I've only been on 5 now. But this one was awesome. Lots of single track, well timed run ups, flat power sections. I started back row due to registration timing and started picking people off. My remounts still need lots of practice but I'm getting there. 45 minutes whizzed by. I'm really, really, really loving this cross stuff. Who ever thought to combine road and mountain is GENIUS.
I hope cross falls near Halloween so I can wear a fish head. Don't worry Benjamin, I won't pretend I know you. ;)
After the race, I met up with Therese and we ate a ton of sushi downtown. More kick ass conversation - great company and good food. A perfect way to end the day, and weekend.
Moonli agrees.
The weather in Colorado has been amazing. Cooler mornings, heat mid day and then warm evenings. That pinch me, I must be dreaming sensation continues.
Last week was interesting. With the new merger of Garden of the Gods' Gourmet and The Pinery, people have shifted positions, been asked to leave and left right where they are. My attempts to resign over a month ago from the wedding planning division were responded with a request to hang in there were finally answered on Friday, when I got to work a shift back in the Market. The energy is undeniable, the people friendly, the smiles and jokes - I like it. I like it a lot. And my hours are pretty sweet - 2pm - 7:30ish. I'll tell you though, prior to the shift back I was ready to walk again. Everyday I willed myself to put a smile on, grin and bare it. Sometimes you have to. And sometimes it pays, sometimes it leaves you wondering why you put up with things as long as you did.
Long story short - if something is making you uncomfortable and unhappy - CHANGE IT! We all have the power to do so.
Energized, I looked forward to the weekend full of bikes, friends, cross and fun. Saturdays group ride was awesome until I hit a massive pot hole and pinch flatted 1/4 mile later. The group still compact, everyone continued on. Brian's question, "Do you have everything?" Yep!
Except my spare tube had a hole. And I was out in Kansas. Sweet. Time to dial a cab for the first time ever. No worries though, the day still young, my legs still fresh I opted to head up to Woodland Park and climb 2,000 feet. I love riding up there. The Aspens are changing bright hues of yellow and Pikes Peak has snow on its flanks.
Fall is such a beautiful time of year, pretty much everywhere. I love soaking in the days warmth, knowing cold weather is on its way. The sweet part about living in Colorado? The sunny days don't end when the seasons change. We had two cloudy days last week, for the first time in two months. I feel so lucky.
Sunday, I drove up to Denver early to meet up with my friend Shawn. He's doing awesome. Got a new promotion and is taking a road trip before he starts October 1 in sunny San Diego. He's super excited for the opportunity. We talked about dreams and aspirations and he's making his come true. It is so freaking cool to hear a friend doing so well, creating opportunities for himself and gaining such personal growth. Our two hours together flew by and regrettably I had to head to Boulder for some racing action. But I know we'll visit again soon. Some people you just know will be in your life for the rest of your life. Good friends are awesome and I'm so grateful for those in my life.
I arrived in Boulder amongst the heat. 87 degrees and lots of dust but on the coolest cross course I've been on. Yes, I've only been on 5 now. But this one was awesome. Lots of single track, well timed run ups, flat power sections. I started back row due to registration timing and started picking people off. My remounts still need lots of practice but I'm getting there. 45 minutes whizzed by. I'm really, really, really loving this cross stuff. Who ever thought to combine road and mountain is GENIUS.
I hope cross falls near Halloween so I can wear a fish head. Don't worry Benjamin, I won't pretend I know you. ;)
After the race, I met up with Therese and we ate a ton of sushi downtown. More kick ass conversation - great company and good food. A perfect way to end the day, and weekend.
Moonli agrees.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
One Step Closer to Motivational Speaking
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of one day becoming a motivational speaker. I never had a specific topic in mind, but I envisioned myself standing in front of a 300+ people giving a speech from the heart and my speech having a serious impact on the audience. I have countless journals that speak to this dream and every time I put down a life goal or something I really want to do - public speaking is usually number one.
There's just one problem.
Public speaking scares the crap out of me.
Whenever I get in front of a group of people and am put on the spot, I clam up. Those carefully practiced words, the fact that I see myself in front of hundreds of people in my dreams, does nothing to calm my nerves. But I know it's my destiny. Public speaking is my calling.
So today I took action. Today I woke up early and attended a local Toastmasters meeting. I heard about Toastmasters via word of mouth and found a local chapter just up the street near Garden of the Gods' park. And when I couldn't fall asleep til nearly midnight, I told myself I'd still get up. I'd still go. And I did.
The group was welcoming, friendly and well organized. An agenda was handed out and about 12 different people hosted the meeting with ice breaker speeches, meeting organizers, jesters, evaluators, etc. Each person had a role. And for those that didn't, we were called on to be part of the table topic.
Yep, I was called to action at the first meeting. My topic: I'm giving a sales pitch to a publisher about my new cookbook. Gulp. That should be easy, right? Wrong. I fumbled, I stuttered. I couldn't find the words I was looking for. But I did it. And they clapped. Phew! The first speech is over on the first meeting! And you know what that means? It can only get better.
It better get better. :) It will get better.
So today I challenge you. Put into action something you've been meaning to do for a long time. Taking those first steps is always challenging but oh so rewarding. And I'm sure one day I'll give a speech about it.
There's just one problem.
Public speaking scares the crap out of me.
Whenever I get in front of a group of people and am put on the spot, I clam up. Those carefully practiced words, the fact that I see myself in front of hundreds of people in my dreams, does nothing to calm my nerves. But I know it's my destiny. Public speaking is my calling.
So today I took action. Today I woke up early and attended a local Toastmasters meeting. I heard about Toastmasters via word of mouth and found a local chapter just up the street near Garden of the Gods' park. And when I couldn't fall asleep til nearly midnight, I told myself I'd still get up. I'd still go. And I did.
The group was welcoming, friendly and well organized. An agenda was handed out and about 12 different people hosted the meeting with ice breaker speeches, meeting organizers, jesters, evaluators, etc. Each person had a role. And for those that didn't, we were called on to be part of the table topic.
Yep, I was called to action at the first meeting. My topic: I'm giving a sales pitch to a publisher about my new cookbook. Gulp. That should be easy, right? Wrong. I fumbled, I stuttered. I couldn't find the words I was looking for. But I did it. And they clapped. Phew! The first speech is over on the first meeting! And you know what that means? It can only get better.
It better get better. :) It will get better.
So today I challenge you. Put into action something you've been meaning to do for a long time. Taking those first steps is always challenging but oh so rewarding. And I'm sure one day I'll give a speech about it.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
First Cross race of the season: complete!
I'm super green to cyclocross. Prior to Saturday's race, I've completed only two other races and both were roughly 3 years ago. Needless to say, the whole dismount and remount, along with obstacles is completely foreign to me. I'm usually in the thralls of last minute preparation for track nationals with one gear, no brakes and left hand banked turns. But this year, I decided to give cross a try.
What is cross? It's where you take a road bike with knobby tires and ride it through, over and around obstacles. Courses are a mixture of mountain biking, road riding and barrier hopping. Sound strange? It is. And thousands of people love it. It has become one of the fastest growing cycling disciplines as of late.
A few weeks ago I begged Benjamin to show me some basics. We went to a grassy park up the street and I began committing those awkward motions to muscle memory.
"Don't bobble. Make it one fluid motion to maintain your momentum. Like this."
I watched as he gracefully leaped off his bike at speed and jumped right back on. Right.
So what did I do? I bobbled. I looked down. I hesitated and looked like a moron. But slowly it started to click. I'm slow. Painfully slow. But teaching yourself proper technique and getting it right means going slow sometimes to reinforce good habits. And every now and then, I still eat shit. Part of the learning process, right?
What better way to test my new found skills than to take it to a race? Luckily cross season kicked off locally here in Colorado Springs, at the University of Colorado, Colorado Springs campus. The flier boasted a 2 mile course with it all: sand, run ups, barriers, single track and sidewalks. Game on.
I registered for the 35+ women's category (how did I get so old all of a sudden!?!) and we had 6 women show. The women's open field had 6 as well, but with two big guns: Katie Compton and Amy Dombrowski. GULP. Such is the talent in Colorado - world champions and multi-national title holders. No big deal. Thankfully my group was less intimidating and Katie and Amy only lapped me with less than a lap to go. As I rolled over bumpy single track when Katie zoomed by, all I could muster was: "Get it girl." Who am I to stand in their way?! We all start somewhere.
The race itself was a blast. Well, as fun as going at 95% can be for 45 minutes. The sand pits proved frustrating but in great proximity to the run up. The male hecklers at the top of the hill cheered and sneered, adding to the fun. I kept imaging my brother chasing me so I'd push harder when it hurt and put some distance between myself and 2nd place. But I'm sure she would have caught up had there been more barriers. My slow remounts cost me at least 3 seconds, every time.
"Go Baby!!! Faster!" Benjamin would cheer as I'd come into view. I just smile in response, putting a mental note on the line I should take next time. Time to work on those remounts, at speed.
One thing is certain - with cross everything is new and I'm improving leaps and bounds each time I ride. I look forward to improving my skills in terms of speed, summed up with one word: PRACTICE.
What is cross? It's where you take a road bike with knobby tires and ride it through, over and around obstacles. Courses are a mixture of mountain biking, road riding and barrier hopping. Sound strange? It is. And thousands of people love it. It has become one of the fastest growing cycling disciplines as of late.
A few weeks ago I begged Benjamin to show me some basics. We went to a grassy park up the street and I began committing those awkward motions to muscle memory.
"Don't bobble. Make it one fluid motion to maintain your momentum. Like this."
I watched as he gracefully leaped off his bike at speed and jumped right back on. Right.
So what did I do? I bobbled. I looked down. I hesitated and looked like a moron. But slowly it started to click. I'm slow. Painfully slow. But teaching yourself proper technique and getting it right means going slow sometimes to reinforce good habits. And every now and then, I still eat shit. Part of the learning process, right?
What better way to test my new found skills than to take it to a race? Luckily cross season kicked off locally here in Colorado Springs, at the University of Colorado, Colorado Springs campus. The flier boasted a 2 mile course with it all: sand, run ups, barriers, single track and sidewalks. Game on.
I registered for the 35+ women's category (how did I get so old all of a sudden!?!) and we had 6 women show. The women's open field had 6 as well, but with two big guns: Katie Compton and Amy Dombrowski. GULP. Such is the talent in Colorado - world champions and multi-national title holders. No big deal. Thankfully my group was less intimidating and Katie and Amy only lapped me with less than a lap to go. As I rolled over bumpy single track when Katie zoomed by, all I could muster was: "Get it girl." Who am I to stand in their way?! We all start somewhere.
The race itself was a blast. Well, as fun as going at 95% can be for 45 minutes. The sand pits proved frustrating but in great proximity to the run up. The male hecklers at the top of the hill cheered and sneered, adding to the fun. I kept imaging my brother chasing me so I'd push harder when it hurt and put some distance between myself and 2nd place. But I'm sure she would have caught up had there been more barriers. My slow remounts cost me at least 3 seconds, every time.
"Go Baby!!! Faster!" Benjamin would cheer as I'd come into view. I just smile in response, putting a mental note on the line I should take next time. Time to work on those remounts, at speed.
One thing is certain - with cross everything is new and I'm improving leaps and bounds each time I ride. I look forward to improving my skills in terms of speed, summed up with one word: PRACTICE.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Intro Revision
Working on this book can be like pulling a fresh wound, not quite healed. But if I don't keep at it, keep polishing it, keep reworking things to make it work then it'll never get done.
With that said, here is another version of the intro. Have that hanky handy.
Sweat dripped off his brow from hiking up to the base of Goat Wall in Mazama, Washington. His canine companion struggled to keep up. His big steps during the scramble were enormous leaps for her. Panting, she found a shady spot next to the towering rock wall while he shrugged off his backpack.
He squinted, looking up at the rock, his eyes following the natural climbing line as it meandered up and out of sight. He spoke with Bryan that morning about the nuances of the climb and felt confident in his choice of route. So confident in fact, he left his climbing guidebook back at the cabin. He also came here alone.
Prime Rib, a moderate 12-pitch 5.9, gains a total of 1500 feet of metamorphosed sedimentary rock. An easy rock-climbing route for someone as accomplished as Ryan, rope or no rope.
He took a swig of water, pet his panting dog and bent over, removing the contents from his pack: shoes, harness, rope, carabiners, chalk bag and a small sack lunch containing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, blue Poweraide drink and a Kit Kat candy bar he intended to eat later. He whistled a Wilco tune he heard while driving down valley from the Lost River Airport community to the parking area for Goat Wall and made sure he had everything he’d need.
The upper Methow Valley is beautiful in early September. Clean mountain air, summer warmth during the day and cooler temperatures at night. The pine beetles sang and he heard the steady movement of Lost River below. A light wind kissed his arms so he slipped on a windbreaker.
Carefully, he balanced on one leg while putting on one climbing shoe at a time. He put water in a plastic container for his dog and slipped on his climbing harness. He crisscrossed the rope around his shoulders, tied it around his waist and closed his backpack, stashing it behind a tree. He let out an audible exhale.
“You stay here, Makiah.”
He didn’t bother to tie her up. He didn’t need to. He figured he would be back down in a few hours and Makiah rarely wandered and usually obeyed. He eyed the route again, dipped his hands in a chalk bag and started climbing.
Makiah dug herself a comfortable place to wait in the shade, close to Ryan’s backpack. She glanced up and watched as he climbed out of sight, letting out her own audible exhale.
She was the last being to see him alive.
With that said, here is another version of the intro. Have that hanky handy.
Sweat dripped off his brow from hiking up to the base of Goat Wall in Mazama, Washington. His canine companion struggled to keep up. His big steps during the scramble were enormous leaps for her. Panting, she found a shady spot next to the towering rock wall while he shrugged off his backpack.
He squinted, looking up at the rock, his eyes following the natural climbing line as it meandered up and out of sight. He spoke with Bryan that morning about the nuances of the climb and felt confident in his choice of route. So confident in fact, he left his climbing guidebook back at the cabin. He also came here alone.
Prime Rib, a moderate 12-pitch 5.9, gains a total of 1500 feet of metamorphosed sedimentary rock. An easy rock-climbing route for someone as accomplished as Ryan, rope or no rope.
He took a swig of water, pet his panting dog and bent over, removing the contents from his pack: shoes, harness, rope, carabiners, chalk bag and a small sack lunch containing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, blue Poweraide drink and a Kit Kat candy bar he intended to eat later. He whistled a Wilco tune he heard while driving down valley from the Lost River Airport community to the parking area for Goat Wall and made sure he had everything he’d need.
The upper Methow Valley is beautiful in early September. Clean mountain air, summer warmth during the day and cooler temperatures at night. The pine beetles sang and he heard the steady movement of Lost River below. A light wind kissed his arms so he slipped on a windbreaker.
Carefully, he balanced on one leg while putting on one climbing shoe at a time. He put water in a plastic container for his dog and slipped on his climbing harness. He crisscrossed the rope around his shoulders, tied it around his waist and closed his backpack, stashing it behind a tree. He let out an audible exhale.
“You stay here, Makiah.”
He didn’t bother to tie her up. He didn’t need to. He figured he would be back down in a few hours and Makiah rarely wandered and usually obeyed. He eyed the route again, dipped his hands in a chalk bag and started climbing.
Makiah dug herself a comfortable place to wait in the shade, close to Ryan’s backpack. She glanced up and watched as he climbed out of sight, letting out her own audible exhale.
She was the last being to see him alive.
Cross Roads
That last post was heavy. But from the heart. I've probably reread it about a dozen times since I put it up and it still brings a tear to my eye, every time. What becomes so obvious to me, is how important I feel it is to get my story out there. To let other people know that tragedy can strike at any time and it is up to you how you choose to deal with it. It is up to you to learn as much as possible and take the positives from it that you can and move forward.
I'm actually in the process of aligning my life with helping others achieve that realization. To provide careful listening and coaching in achieving the life of your dreams. By no means does that mean you have to experience tragedy before you can live that life you've always imagined. But it does require that you are completely and 100% open to awesomeness.
If you or someone you know is interested in working with me, please feel free to reach out. I'd love to share my insight and wisdom and assist you in finding that ultimate life balance. As I've found, the more people you can have in your corner, the better. Don't wait another minute - life is too long.
I'm actually in the process of aligning my life with helping others achieve that realization. To provide careful listening and coaching in achieving the life of your dreams. By no means does that mean you have to experience tragedy before you can live that life you've always imagined. But it does require that you are completely and 100% open to awesomeness.
If you or someone you know is interested in working with me, please feel free to reach out. I'd love to share my insight and wisdom and assist you in finding that ultimate life balance. As I've found, the more people you can have in your corner, the better. Don't wait another minute - life is too long.
Friday, September 07, 2012
Four.
I keep a separate, private blog, where I put my musings for my upcoming book. But since it's acting up, and well, this blog will become a platform for advertising what's to come - I figured this is an appropriate spot to put down some of my thoughts.
For those who don't really know me or my story - I am 34 years old. My childhood was spent in Eugene, Oregon, teenage years in Seattle, university in Bellingham and then back to Seattle until about a year ago when I moved to Colorado. I had a great life - and adoring husband. We married young at 22 and lived an amazing and fulfilling life. Life was going according to plan until four years ago, to the day Ryan took his last breath.
The following is an excerpt from what may be in the book:
The hike up to the base of Goat Wall left him wiping his brow. The load in his backpack was much lighter this time since he wasn’t burdened with the weight of climbing hardware. He had only brought his climbing harness, shoes, rope and a few carabiners for the rappel descent. Still, the 20-minute steep approach was not for the faint of heart nor out of shape.
Makiah, their 25 pound miniature Australian Shepherd, was panting too. The big steps he had to take during the scramble up in the talus field were enormous leaps for her. Yet he didn’t need to assist her, she had made it up on her own. He contemplating shaving her – especially since she was miserable in the late season summer heat. But fall was just around the corner and she’d be more than a little humiliated without her signature shaggy coat.
He quickly found his route, Prime Rib a moderate 11 pitch 5.9. He knew exactly where it started since he had researched the climb quite a bit. That morning he had spoken with Brian, the routes originator, and gotten more than enough information on the climb. He was so confident in his choice of climb that day, he left the climbing guide book back at the cabin. He was, after all, an accomplished 5.13 grade climber and a 5.9 was well within his ability, rope or no rope.
He set his backpack down, pulled out his climbing harness, shoes, rope, chalk bag and took a big swig of water. Sitting down on a flat rock, he took off his approach shoes and carefully slipped on his tight climbing shoes.
“You stay here, Makiah.”
He didn’t even bother to tie her up. He didn’t need to. Makiah was well trained and did as she was told. Plus she rarely wandered and always stayed within earshot. He stashed his backpack near the base of the climb and left Makiah with some water. He slung a 70-meter rope over his shoulder, crisscrossing it around his chest and securing it with a series of climber knots so it wouldn’t impede his ascent. He chalked up his hands and with that, he started to climb up the loose adventure route. This was it, one last climb before heading home to Seattle after spending a week in Mazama. One final climb to top a fun filled week full of recreation in the Pacific Northwest.
Makiah watched as her owner started the ascent up Goat Wall and once he was out of sight she dug herself a comfortable spot to wait and keep careful guard over her owners backpack.
She was the last being to see him alive.
-----
She had just completed a successful week of track racing down in San Jose. She was weighed down by her own hardware – two golds and one silver and a best all around rider jersey and trophy. Her successes made her happy and she couldn’t wait to share it in boring detail with her husband.
They had talked the day before for over an hour, enthusiastically sharing with one another their weekly adventures. His involved the wonders of the Pacific Northwest and deciding how best to spend his last day in Mazama. Hers’ involved going in circles at the velodrome as fast as humanly possible.
Both were excited to see one another. Both were missing one another and making plans for the following weekend when they would reunite to finally celebrate their 7th wedding anniversary. They talked of biking in the San Juan’s and ferry schedules were checked.
Before calling it a day, she had one last race, the team sprint with Jane, a friend from Seattle. They placed 4th overall and quickly packed to start the long 16 hour trek back to Seattle.
She felt part excitement, part fear. So much lay ahead of her and she had a strong sense that things after Nationals wouldn’t be the same. But she had no idea to what extent that would be true.
The drive from San Jose to Seattle was long. Certainly doable in one long stretch but since Guy was unwilling to share the drive burden, she insisted they stop and stay the night with her brother and family in Brownsville, Oregon.
They left San Jose around noon and it was around 100 degrees. A quick stop for a burrito along the drive had them speeding along the highway and passing through Redding, California around sunset. They passed by a large forest fire, washing the sky in pinks, reds and greys. She had a strange feeling but ignored it. She had lots of excitement from the previous week to recall and quickly put that funny feeling to rest.
The stop at her brother’s house was full of commotion. Coleman, her nephew, demands full attention and consumed her thoughts of worry. By bedtime, she was tired from the day’s event and was concerned she hadn’t heard from Ryan. He always called.
Always.
The next morning, the whole family and Guy headed to the local breakfast spot and ate together before she and Guy departed for the final 5 hours to Seattle. Once on the Interstate, she started to panic and called the office to find out if Ryan had showed up. No one had seen or heard from him.
Panic set in.
Oddly, exactly a month prior, Ryan told Jennifer what to do in the unlikely event of an emergency. He was climbing with his friend Fitz and told her if she didn’t hear from them by a certain time to call the sheriff’s department and search and rescue.
She called the Okonogan County Sheriff department and reported Ryan missing. She reported his last known where about was in the cabin in Mazama, potentially headed out on a mountain bike ride. By strange coincidence she had the VW Golf license registration paperwork with her so she was able to describe the vehicle with 100% accuracy.
The drive between Brownsville and Seattle took about 5 hours. Time came to a standstill. For once she and Guy didn’t have anything to say to one another.
They arrived in Seattle around noon. She had already called her mother and told her something bad might be happening. There were so many unanswered questions in those first few hours, such a whirlwind of emotion, of hope, of loss, of trying to make sense of a senseless world.
Recalling her conversation with Ryan two days before, he had mentioned going on a mountain bike ride of some sort. She hoped and prayed she’d be able to find him with a broken leg or something on a trail out in the middle of the national forest.
Her neighbor, Jo, saw the commotion going on next door and popped over to say hello. She told Jo that Ryan was missing and last seen in the Methow Valley. Jo reassured her everything would be all right. They’d gather some survival items to create a real search party for him: flashlights, First Aid Kit, a climbing rope and an emergency blanket – all hopeful items for a rescue.
Mazama is a three and a half hour drive from Seattle. Her mother Caprice, Guy and Jo all headed to the grocery store together to pick up some food to go. That’s when she got the call.
The Okanogan County Sheriff’s deputy told her to go the local precinct. Unsure of what was happening, but letting that initial lump in the back of her throat build, she went. It all seemed like a dream.
The precinct was by North Seattle Community College, a 15 minute drive away. No sort of assuring could deny the feeling of utter despair building in her gut. Time was starting to disappear. Moments between actions were completely lost.
They walked in together, Guy, Jennifer, Caprice and Jo and explained to the police officer sitting at the front desk that he needed to call the Okanogan sheriff’s office. He did so, and while he was talking with the deputy over the phone, his tone grew somber. Those moments didn’t disappear. Those seconds between what the officer was being told and what he was about to say came to a stand still. She wanted that moment to freeze, didn’t want to hear what she already knew was going to be told to her.
“I’m sorry, miss. Your husband is dead.”
-----
My knees gave out from underneath me. I sank to the floor, unable to breath, unable to register what devastating news was just relayed but also known. The room started spinning. The officer came out from behind his desk enclosure and offered a hug, giving his condolences, passing along bad news, something that he has to do on a daily basis, part of his job description. I wondered how many other new widows he had to relay this kind of news to. I knew exactly how Emily felt. How the world was ripped out from under her, how everything she knew was gone in an instant. It didn’t make what I was experiencing any easier, but at the same time I felt like I had been here before. That I was in some way prepared for what was happening.
Guy said he was willing to drive us onto the Methow, as that seemed the next logical step. I felt a strong urge to be there – to feel his presence, to find my dog. I remember my mom and Guy talking on the way there but I have no idea what they said. I just stared, numbly, out the window as the trees zoomed by.
The views of the Liberty Bell group took my breath away, but this time for a different reason. I could feel Ryan everywhere. His presence was certainly with me – angry and whirling about. Similar to our living relationship, I was always the calm one. I could take whatever life would throw at us and make sense of it. Ryan, on the other hand, would get upset at things. I felt his anger then, and I knew his accident was an accident, not something he would do intentionally.
We spent that first night at the Methow Country Inn. Normally they don’t allow dogs, but we were able to get Makiah to stay given the emergency circumstances. When I first saw her, she was scared. I don’t think it registered that she was with me, only that she was finally safe. My mom booked us a room with a queen bed, the only one available and we tried to sleep that first night. My mind wouldn’t shut off, I was in complete and utter shock. I cried and cried and cried, asking Makiah what had happened. What she had seen. I had so many unanswered questions.
Over the next couple of days, the puzzle pieces became clearer. On Sunday, September 7, Ryan had gone free solo climbing up a route called Prime Rib. He had left Makiah at the base, unleashed and started up the route. Sometime during the day, another climbing party had set out to do the same route and noticed a backpack and little dog, unleashed, but no sign of a hiker or climber. They started the climb and noticed a plate sized bloodstain on the rock about 4 pitches up. During the ascent and descent they didn’t see anyone else there and thought it was odd. That night they headed back to their lodging 40 miles down valley. They both felt uneasy about the situation and decided the following day to head back up valley to see if the little dog, back pack and red Golf were still parked at Goat Wall.
At the same time, our neighbor Anne had a house sitter named Kevin that we had befriended on previous trips to the Methow. He was of similar age to Ryan and I and easy going. He had noticed the red Golf parked on the side of the road overnight and thought it odd. He got off his morning shift and stopped at the same time the climbing party convened.
That’s about the same time the deputy rolled up on the scene. She asked the three men what they were doing there and noticed a little dog, unleashed, wandering back and forth between the road and the trail head. Makiah was frantic.
When the deputy mentioned to the climbing party and Kevin that a person was reported missing and she was waiting for Search and Rescue to show up to begin their search, the three men asked if they could start the search. She advised them that the area was on public land and she could not advise them to search but they could look on their own accord.
It took about twenty minutes before they found him. Makiah helped lead the way, running ahead on the path, herding them toward Ryan’s last resting spot.
Once Search and Rescue showed up, the deputy informed them it was a recovery. Ryan had sustained massive internal injuries from his fall, which appeared to be from 600 feet off the ground. It remains unknown if he died on impact or sometime during his fall. It also remains a mystery the cause of his fall – if loose rock was the culprit, a swooping bird or if he simply got off route. The fatal scene was recorded, photographed, described and several hours later, the deputy got back into cell reception range. That’s when I got the call and when my life changed, forever.
For those who don't really know me or my story - I am 34 years old. My childhood was spent in Eugene, Oregon, teenage years in Seattle, university in Bellingham and then back to Seattle until about a year ago when I moved to Colorado. I had a great life - and adoring husband. We married young at 22 and lived an amazing and fulfilling life. Life was going according to plan until four years ago, to the day Ryan took his last breath.
The following is an excerpt from what may be in the book:
The hike up to the base of Goat Wall left him wiping his brow. The load in his backpack was much lighter this time since he wasn’t burdened with the weight of climbing hardware. He had only brought his climbing harness, shoes, rope and a few carabiners for the rappel descent. Still, the 20-minute steep approach was not for the faint of heart nor out of shape.
Makiah, their 25 pound miniature Australian Shepherd, was panting too. The big steps he had to take during the scramble up in the talus field were enormous leaps for her. Yet he didn’t need to assist her, she had made it up on her own. He contemplating shaving her – especially since she was miserable in the late season summer heat. But fall was just around the corner and she’d be more than a little humiliated without her signature shaggy coat.
He quickly found his route, Prime Rib a moderate 11 pitch 5.9. He knew exactly where it started since he had researched the climb quite a bit. That morning he had spoken with Brian, the routes originator, and gotten more than enough information on the climb. He was so confident in his choice of climb that day, he left the climbing guide book back at the cabin. He was, after all, an accomplished 5.13 grade climber and a 5.9 was well within his ability, rope or no rope.
He set his backpack down, pulled out his climbing harness, shoes, rope, chalk bag and took a big swig of water. Sitting down on a flat rock, he took off his approach shoes and carefully slipped on his tight climbing shoes.
“You stay here, Makiah.”
He didn’t even bother to tie her up. He didn’t need to. Makiah was well trained and did as she was told. Plus she rarely wandered and always stayed within earshot. He stashed his backpack near the base of the climb and left Makiah with some water. He slung a 70-meter rope over his shoulder, crisscrossing it around his chest and securing it with a series of climber knots so it wouldn’t impede his ascent. He chalked up his hands and with that, he started to climb up the loose adventure route. This was it, one last climb before heading home to Seattle after spending a week in Mazama. One final climb to top a fun filled week full of recreation in the Pacific Northwest.
Makiah watched as her owner started the ascent up Goat Wall and once he was out of sight she dug herself a comfortable spot to wait and keep careful guard over her owners backpack.
She was the last being to see him alive.
-----
She had just completed a successful week of track racing down in San Jose. She was weighed down by her own hardware – two golds and one silver and a best all around rider jersey and trophy. Her successes made her happy and she couldn’t wait to share it in boring detail with her husband.
They had talked the day before for over an hour, enthusiastically sharing with one another their weekly adventures. His involved the wonders of the Pacific Northwest and deciding how best to spend his last day in Mazama. Hers’ involved going in circles at the velodrome as fast as humanly possible.
Both were excited to see one another. Both were missing one another and making plans for the following weekend when they would reunite to finally celebrate their 7th wedding anniversary. They talked of biking in the San Juan’s and ferry schedules were checked.
Before calling it a day, she had one last race, the team sprint with Jane, a friend from Seattle. They placed 4th overall and quickly packed to start the long 16 hour trek back to Seattle.
She felt part excitement, part fear. So much lay ahead of her and she had a strong sense that things after Nationals wouldn’t be the same. But she had no idea to what extent that would be true.
The drive from San Jose to Seattle was long. Certainly doable in one long stretch but since Guy was unwilling to share the drive burden, she insisted they stop and stay the night with her brother and family in Brownsville, Oregon.
They left San Jose around noon and it was around 100 degrees. A quick stop for a burrito along the drive had them speeding along the highway and passing through Redding, California around sunset. They passed by a large forest fire, washing the sky in pinks, reds and greys. She had a strange feeling but ignored it. She had lots of excitement from the previous week to recall and quickly put that funny feeling to rest.
The stop at her brother’s house was full of commotion. Coleman, her nephew, demands full attention and consumed her thoughts of worry. By bedtime, she was tired from the day’s event and was concerned she hadn’t heard from Ryan. He always called.
Always.
The next morning, the whole family and Guy headed to the local breakfast spot and ate together before she and Guy departed for the final 5 hours to Seattle. Once on the Interstate, she started to panic and called the office to find out if Ryan had showed up. No one had seen or heard from him.
Panic set in.
Oddly, exactly a month prior, Ryan told Jennifer what to do in the unlikely event of an emergency. He was climbing with his friend Fitz and told her if she didn’t hear from them by a certain time to call the sheriff’s department and search and rescue.
She called the Okonogan County Sheriff department and reported Ryan missing. She reported his last known where about was in the cabin in Mazama, potentially headed out on a mountain bike ride. By strange coincidence she had the VW Golf license registration paperwork with her so she was able to describe the vehicle with 100% accuracy.
The drive between Brownsville and Seattle took about 5 hours. Time came to a standstill. For once she and Guy didn’t have anything to say to one another.
They arrived in Seattle around noon. She had already called her mother and told her something bad might be happening. There were so many unanswered questions in those first few hours, such a whirlwind of emotion, of hope, of loss, of trying to make sense of a senseless world.
Recalling her conversation with Ryan two days before, he had mentioned going on a mountain bike ride of some sort. She hoped and prayed she’d be able to find him with a broken leg or something on a trail out in the middle of the national forest.
Her neighbor, Jo, saw the commotion going on next door and popped over to say hello. She told Jo that Ryan was missing and last seen in the Methow Valley. Jo reassured her everything would be all right. They’d gather some survival items to create a real search party for him: flashlights, First Aid Kit, a climbing rope and an emergency blanket – all hopeful items for a rescue.
Mazama is a three and a half hour drive from Seattle. Her mother Caprice, Guy and Jo all headed to the grocery store together to pick up some food to go. That’s when she got the call.
The Okanogan County Sheriff’s deputy told her to go the local precinct. Unsure of what was happening, but letting that initial lump in the back of her throat build, she went. It all seemed like a dream.
The precinct was by North Seattle Community College, a 15 minute drive away. No sort of assuring could deny the feeling of utter despair building in her gut. Time was starting to disappear. Moments between actions were completely lost.
They walked in together, Guy, Jennifer, Caprice and Jo and explained to the police officer sitting at the front desk that he needed to call the Okanogan sheriff’s office. He did so, and while he was talking with the deputy over the phone, his tone grew somber. Those moments didn’t disappear. Those seconds between what the officer was being told and what he was about to say came to a stand still. She wanted that moment to freeze, didn’t want to hear what she already knew was going to be told to her.
“I’m sorry, miss. Your husband is dead.”
-----
My knees gave out from underneath me. I sank to the floor, unable to breath, unable to register what devastating news was just relayed but also known. The room started spinning. The officer came out from behind his desk enclosure and offered a hug, giving his condolences, passing along bad news, something that he has to do on a daily basis, part of his job description. I wondered how many other new widows he had to relay this kind of news to. I knew exactly how Emily felt. How the world was ripped out from under her, how everything she knew was gone in an instant. It didn’t make what I was experiencing any easier, but at the same time I felt like I had been here before. That I was in some way prepared for what was happening.
Guy said he was willing to drive us onto the Methow, as that seemed the next logical step. I felt a strong urge to be there – to feel his presence, to find my dog. I remember my mom and Guy talking on the way there but I have no idea what they said. I just stared, numbly, out the window as the trees zoomed by.
The views of the Liberty Bell group took my breath away, but this time for a different reason. I could feel Ryan everywhere. His presence was certainly with me – angry and whirling about. Similar to our living relationship, I was always the calm one. I could take whatever life would throw at us and make sense of it. Ryan, on the other hand, would get upset at things. I felt his anger then, and I knew his accident was an accident, not something he would do intentionally.
We spent that first night at the Methow Country Inn. Normally they don’t allow dogs, but we were able to get Makiah to stay given the emergency circumstances. When I first saw her, she was scared. I don’t think it registered that she was with me, only that she was finally safe. My mom booked us a room with a queen bed, the only one available and we tried to sleep that first night. My mind wouldn’t shut off, I was in complete and utter shock. I cried and cried and cried, asking Makiah what had happened. What she had seen. I had so many unanswered questions.
Over the next couple of days, the puzzle pieces became clearer. On Sunday, September 7, Ryan had gone free solo climbing up a route called Prime Rib. He had left Makiah at the base, unleashed and started up the route. Sometime during the day, another climbing party had set out to do the same route and noticed a backpack and little dog, unleashed, but no sign of a hiker or climber. They started the climb and noticed a plate sized bloodstain on the rock about 4 pitches up. During the ascent and descent they didn’t see anyone else there and thought it was odd. That night they headed back to their lodging 40 miles down valley. They both felt uneasy about the situation and decided the following day to head back up valley to see if the little dog, back pack and red Golf were still parked at Goat Wall.
At the same time, our neighbor Anne had a house sitter named Kevin that we had befriended on previous trips to the Methow. He was of similar age to Ryan and I and easy going. He had noticed the red Golf parked on the side of the road overnight and thought it odd. He got off his morning shift and stopped at the same time the climbing party convened.
That’s about the same time the deputy rolled up on the scene. She asked the three men what they were doing there and noticed a little dog, unleashed, wandering back and forth between the road and the trail head. Makiah was frantic.
When the deputy mentioned to the climbing party and Kevin that a person was reported missing and she was waiting for Search and Rescue to show up to begin their search, the three men asked if they could start the search. She advised them that the area was on public land and she could not advise them to search but they could look on their own accord.
It took about twenty minutes before they found him. Makiah helped lead the way, running ahead on the path, herding them toward Ryan’s last resting spot.
Once Search and Rescue showed up, the deputy informed them it was a recovery. Ryan had sustained massive internal injuries from his fall, which appeared to be from 600 feet off the ground. It remains unknown if he died on impact or sometime during his fall. It also remains a mystery the cause of his fall – if loose rock was the culprit, a swooping bird or if he simply got off route. The fatal scene was recorded, photographed, described and several hours later, the deputy got back into cell reception range. That’s when I got the call and when my life changed, forever.
Book Signing
People, even strangers, are in your life for a reason.
Today's encounter was no exception. I received a phone call from a guy at work who said he was ready to book our venue. He had a date in mind, which was already booked, so he did a Thursday instead. He said he would stop by within an hour to meet with me and do this.
I admired his resolve, but thought to myself - let's see if he shows up. A lot of people talk the talk...
He showed up within the hour. We discussed his event. He expects 100 people and is doing an e-book signing. After 20+ years of living with severe health problems, he's figured out how to heal himself internally by action and through faith. (Remember? This IS Colorado Springs, aka Focus on the Family, etc.)
His enthusaism was infectious. I told him I was writing a book as well. He asked how many hours I have put into m it - and I commented - all my life. Well, I've put in about 500 hours, he said. And now it's becoming a reality. He's having a signing and invited about 100 people to celebrate his success.
I am stoked for the guy, really. Seeing someone pursue their passion with gusto, leaving their day time corporate job to do something he really enjoys is just testament that I'm doing the right thing myself. And that I am confident I can do the same thing!
Just watch - I'm going to have a book signing as well to celebrate and commemorate a big achievement.
Today's encounter was no exception. I received a phone call from a guy at work who said he was ready to book our venue. He had a date in mind, which was already booked, so he did a Thursday instead. He said he would stop by within an hour to meet with me and do this.
I admired his resolve, but thought to myself - let's see if he shows up. A lot of people talk the talk...
He showed up within the hour. We discussed his event. He expects 100 people and is doing an e-book signing. After 20+ years of living with severe health problems, he's figured out how to heal himself internally by action and through faith. (Remember? This IS Colorado Springs, aka Focus on the Family, etc.)
His enthusaism was infectious. I told him I was writing a book as well. He asked how many hours I have put into m it - and I commented - all my life. Well, I've put in about 500 hours, he said. And now it's becoming a reality. He's having a signing and invited about 100 people to celebrate his success.
I am stoked for the guy, really. Seeing someone pursue their passion with gusto, leaving their day time corporate job to do something he really enjoys is just testament that I'm doing the right thing myself. And that I am confident I can do the same thing!
Just watch - I'm going to have a book signing as well to celebrate and commemorate a big achievement.
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
A little stage race and a BIG ALPINE SLIDE.
My mind has been conscious of approaching anniversary dates. In fact, I'm pretty sure my recent blue lens color was due to that very reason. Couple that with my decision to take action and put the cabin on the market, and well if tears didn't wet my pillow, I'd start questioning if I was human.
Interestingly, the last portion of August seemed the hardest this year. My year of firsts has long come and gone - and now I'm dealing with memories. The last time I saw him, the last time we talked, the last time I told him I loved him, and he in turn told me. The dark cloud of grief is impossible at times to ward off. But I know time will take care of that. Time will ease me back into sunshine.
Early September brings up lots of transition, lots of memories and recognition of my past life. It signals the end of the summer and the transition into fall and winter. Escaping to Steamboat Springs to compete in a stage race helped. It kept my mind off of the memories and instead demanded my attention in the here and now. A place that I'd honestly much rather be. A place that I appreciate everyday. A place that I've found to be where doors open up, both inward and outwardly.
So when the opportunity came to ride a rickety alpine slide - I jumped at the chance. I got excited like a little kid. And Cari thankfully obliged my desire. There's something thrilling about zooming downhill, bordering being out of control, while doing something new and different. I talked about it all day. Even before our 7:47 am road race start. And after our finish. And after we did a little sidewalk sale shopping... "want to hang out in a coffee shop?"
No. I want to go on the ALPINE SLIDE!!!!
Two grown women, no kids and an alpine slide.
We rode the super slow chair lift up 2,500 feet to the start of the slide. Its slow procession calmed my excitement. "Why aren't these people screaming and having fun?"
I started to absorb the sliders somber attitude toward going downhill. That is until we got to the top. We had to wait in line for about 10 minutes as families with small children slowly went down the mountain. My excitement was building as well as my strategy of no brakes. I wanted to give the little girl in front of me ample time to go down - because I knew I would catch her. She was maybe 8 and said she had done the slide before.
The slide monitor told us: "You can go."
I pretty much screamed to whole way down. No brakes, lots of turns and the risk of flying off the track. It was so much fun! And as I came screaming around one of the last corners - there was the little girl. Stopped in mid-track. I had plenty of time to brake and avoided her but as it turns out, I scared the piss out of her. Literally. Her mom waited down at the bottom said, "why is your sled wet?" Yep, the poor little girl wet her pants.
I'm not sure if I caused the release - but I'm pretty sure my screaming didn't help the situation. It just goes to show, I suppose, that sometimes I scare the piss out of people.
Interestingly, the last portion of August seemed the hardest this year. My year of firsts has long come and gone - and now I'm dealing with memories. The last time I saw him, the last time we talked, the last time I told him I loved him, and he in turn told me. The dark cloud of grief is impossible at times to ward off. But I know time will take care of that. Time will ease me back into sunshine.
Early September brings up lots of transition, lots of memories and recognition of my past life. It signals the end of the summer and the transition into fall and winter. Escaping to Steamboat Springs to compete in a stage race helped. It kept my mind off of the memories and instead demanded my attention in the here and now. A place that I'd honestly much rather be. A place that I appreciate everyday. A place that I've found to be where doors open up, both inward and outwardly.
So when the opportunity came to ride a rickety alpine slide - I jumped at the chance. I got excited like a little kid. And Cari thankfully obliged my desire. There's something thrilling about zooming downhill, bordering being out of control, while doing something new and different. I talked about it all day. Even before our 7:47 am road race start. And after our finish. And after we did a little sidewalk sale shopping... "want to hang out in a coffee shop?"
No. I want to go on the ALPINE SLIDE!!!!
Two grown women, no kids and an alpine slide.
We rode the super slow chair lift up 2,500 feet to the start of the slide. Its slow procession calmed my excitement. "Why aren't these people screaming and having fun?"
I started to absorb the sliders somber attitude toward going downhill. That is until we got to the top. We had to wait in line for about 10 minutes as families with small children slowly went down the mountain. My excitement was building as well as my strategy of no brakes. I wanted to give the little girl in front of me ample time to go down - because I knew I would catch her. She was maybe 8 and said she had done the slide before.
The slide monitor told us: "You can go."
I pretty much screamed to whole way down. No brakes, lots of turns and the risk of flying off the track. It was so much fun! And as I came screaming around one of the last corners - there was the little girl. Stopped in mid-track. I had plenty of time to brake and avoided her but as it turns out, I scared the piss out of her. Literally. Her mom waited down at the bottom said, "why is your sled wet?" Yep, the poor little girl wet her pants.
I'm not sure if I caused the release - but I'm pretty sure my screaming didn't help the situation. It just goes to show, I suppose, that sometimes I scare the piss out of people.
Friday, August 31, 2012
This moment in time.
About a year ago, I had an amazing conversation with my friend Laura. We were working on visualization exercises and she lead me through a series of exercises where I eventually met my future self, 50 years young, and got to ask her questions.
Think about it - if you could meet your future self, what questions would you ask yourself? Am I doing the right thing? When will I make money? Fame? Fortune? Etc., etc.
Encountering this older self, all I could do was smile. And myself smiled back at me. Rather than ask myself questions, I felt this overwhelming and strong presence: strength, wisdom, beauty, integrity, honesty and love. I admired her/me. Asking those questions didn't make any sense. Because I knew just by seeing the reflection of my older self that I am living in the here and now and doing EXACTLY what I should be doing. Her smile knew, and it transferred to me.
Even with life's uncertainties, job questions, love, potential tragedies, huge successes - in that moment, and in this moment in time, I'm okay with not knowing the answers to those questions. I trust myself and the process of life and know that my life will be rich and full of love and laughter. What more could you ask for?
Think about it - if you could meet your future self, what questions would you ask yourself? Am I doing the right thing? When will I make money? Fame? Fortune? Etc., etc.
Encountering this older self, all I could do was smile. And myself smiled back at me. Rather than ask myself questions, I felt this overwhelming and strong presence: strength, wisdom, beauty, integrity, honesty and love. I admired her/me. Asking those questions didn't make any sense. Because I knew just by seeing the reflection of my older self that I am living in the here and now and doing EXACTLY what I should be doing. Her smile knew, and it transferred to me.
Even with life's uncertainties, job questions, love, potential tragedies, huge successes - in that moment, and in this moment in time, I'm okay with not knowing the answers to those questions. I trust myself and the process of life and know that my life will be rich and full of love and laughter. What more could you ask for?
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Blissfully Being
I've said this before, and I'll say it again. You know it was a good weekend when you need a weekend after your weekend. Wow!
The action actually started early last week. Benjamin headed out to Crested Butte on Tuesday night to follow the Pro Cycling Challenge. If you live under a rock or worse - don't follow cycling! - it's one of the biggest stage races in the good old US of A. Lots of climbing at altitude, pro tour riders, lots of fans and a circus like atmosphere all equating to a good time. Unfortunately I had to work but got to take part of the action as the race rolled through Colorado Springs on Friday. There was a little crit before hand and Katie Compton crushed us - rolling away from the field 3 minutes in. I hit my top end in those 3 minutes, something I haven't done in about a month due to travel and lack of racing. Ouchie.
But I still managed to hone the field sprint, despite having a rear flat with three laps to go. I cautiously took each corner, one eye closed and said a little prayer each time. Apparently somebody was listening and I finished 'er off. Good times.
A few hours later, Benjamin, Moonli, Makiah and I packed up the car and headed up into the mountains. We took our mountain bikes and had a blast. Not to mention a little r&r, some good eats, some beers and some over priced Beaver Creek gelato. We even stopped in South Park. Yes, THE South Park. And ate at Dorothy's Tamales. Bison tamales and bowling - a perfect way to spend Friday night. I actually rolled 4 strikes in a row. FOUR! Benjamin just shook his head in disbelief or disgust, I'm not sure which.
We both needed time away from routine - a celebration of the past several months being over and just being together. Have I mentioned the word bliss yet? Because I'm pretty sure I screamed it as we descended for 30 minutes off of Meadow Mountain out of Minturn.
But the weekend didn't stop there.... on Monday morning we boarded a flight to Chicago for an overnight with friends Greg and Lisa. They drove down from South Bend, IN and we partied. Hard. Ouchie. Thankfully we started early and were in bed by 9pm that night, making the early wake up call to catch the CTA train back to O'Hare bearable. Benjamin continued onto Geneva for the rest of the week and I got to check in with some brides back in COS.
Next up? Steamboat Springs for the last local Colorado stage race of the 2012 season. Higgins and I get to giggle together.... yahoo! I love living here.
But I still managed to hone the field sprint, despite having a rear flat with three laps to go. I cautiously took each corner, one eye closed and said a little prayer each time. Apparently somebody was listening and I finished 'er off. Good times.
A few hours later, Benjamin, Moonli, Makiah and I packed up the car and headed up into the mountains. We took our mountain bikes and had a blast. Not to mention a little r&r, some good eats, some beers and some over priced Beaver Creek gelato. We even stopped in South Park. Yes, THE South Park. And ate at Dorothy's Tamales. Bison tamales and bowling - a perfect way to spend Friday night. I actually rolled 4 strikes in a row. FOUR! Benjamin just shook his head in disbelief or disgust, I'm not sure which.
We both needed time away from routine - a celebration of the past several months being over and just being together. Have I mentioned the word bliss yet? Because I'm pretty sure I screamed it as we descended for 30 minutes off of Meadow Mountain out of Minturn.
But the weekend didn't stop there.... on Monday morning we boarded a flight to Chicago for an overnight with friends Greg and Lisa. They drove down from South Bend, IN and we partied. Hard. Ouchie. Thankfully we started early and were in bed by 9pm that night, making the early wake up call to catch the CTA train back to O'Hare bearable. Benjamin continued onto Geneva for the rest of the week and I got to check in with some brides back in COS.
Next up? Steamboat Springs for the last local Colorado stage race of the 2012 season. Higgins and I get to giggle together.... yahoo! I love living here.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
A bird, a confrontation and a hug.
I was just riding along, minding my business in Garden of the Gods' Park, when my bike decided it was having none of that and bit me. Chomp!
Maybe it had something to do with my tall boy black socks?
Or maybe it was from attempting to teach myself some cross skills in as little time as possible?
Or maybe, truthfully, it was learning the hard way why you never dismount on the right side of your bike. Chain rings bite!
I know, I know. I shouldn't be sharing that I got a puncture wound on my left leg, which is normally no where near the drive train. But yesterday was special. (Or rather - I'm special.)
Fast forward 45 minutes.....
I swung by King Soopers (Colorado Springs' version of QFC) on my way home to pick something up and as I was leaving the parking lot, I might have cut an oncoming car off. Actually, come to think of it, I thought I had left him plenty of room. But as this guy rolled by in his Kia SUV, I saw him give me the bird. He speed up to a red light so I pulled up next to him and knocked on his window.
"Excuse me, but why did you flip me off?"
He gave me the deer in the headlights look.
"Flipping you off? Oh no! I was trying to figure out the wind whistle from my window gasket!"
We both giggled. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it - pretty much a KIA SUV hug - and I told him to have a nice day. Then I chuckled all the way home.
Maybe it had something to do with my tall boy black socks?
Or maybe it was from attempting to teach myself some cross skills in as little time as possible?
Or maybe, truthfully, it was learning the hard way why you never dismount on the right side of your bike. Chain rings bite!
I know, I know. I shouldn't be sharing that I got a puncture wound on my left leg, which is normally no where near the drive train. But yesterday was special. (Or rather - I'm special.)
Fast forward 45 minutes.....
I swung by King Soopers (Colorado Springs' version of QFC) on my way home to pick something up and as I was leaving the parking lot, I might have cut an oncoming car off. Actually, come to think of it, I thought I had left him plenty of room. But as this guy rolled by in his Kia SUV, I saw him give me the bird. He speed up to a red light so I pulled up next to him and knocked on his window.
"Excuse me, but why did you flip me off?"
He gave me the deer in the headlights look.
"Flipping you off? Oh no! I was trying to figure out the wind whistle from my window gasket!"
We both giggled. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it - pretty much a KIA SUV hug - and I told him to have a nice day. Then I chuckled all the way home.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
What color are your lenses?
Four hours. Four years. Four minutes. Four decades. Forever and a day.
I'm blue today. We're all allowed to be blue every once in a while, no? And most days, most hours, minutes, decades and years - my cup brims over with happiness. I have a lot to be thankful for. No, scratch that. I have a gazillion things to be thankful for! And I am.
But sometimes, every once in a while, my lenses have a blue tint.
I'm blue today. We're all allowed to be blue every once in a while, no? And most days, most hours, minutes, decades and years - my cup brims over with happiness. I have a lot to be thankful for. No, scratch that. I have a gazillion things to be thankful for! And I am.
But sometimes, every once in a while, my lenses have a blue tint.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Track vs. Cross, that is the question!
For those wondering out there - yes, I'm still riding. But my season focus has taken on a new twist. I got back from 10 days in London and had to make an immediate decision: to go to elite track nationals or not. And while I'd love to go for the 7th time, since seven times is a charm, I decided against it. Fear not! For the first time since I started racing, I'm going to give cyclo-cross a whirl.
Usually by the time track is over, I'm burnt out on racing anymore and take all of October off the bike. But this year, since I've had so many amazing opportunities and travel to Australia, Spain and London - well, it's time to mix it up. Time to keep some intensity rolling into the winter months. Time to freeze my ass off and go for it with gusto in under 60 minute increments. Guess what else that means? More 29er action in the world class mountain biking trails about 10 minutes from my house.
Take today for instance - clear beautiful blue skies, temps in the low 80s and only a handful of people on the trails enjoying Buckhorn and Captain Jacks. My grin was ear to ear as I crushed downhill (err, well, crushing downhill for me!) and I only nearly ate it once on loose gravel. It didn't take me long to figure out riding on the banked berm not only made my grin grow but the stability much better. I often wonder when I'm in that moment, in pure absolute joy, if someone else can feel it. You know that YAHOO BUDDY! feeling you had today? Yep, we channeled one another. Thanks!
Big, amazing prospects are on the horizon. But more on that later. I've got Benjamin's world famous oatmeal chocolate chip cranberry cookies to consume. YUM!
Usually by the time track is over, I'm burnt out on racing anymore and take all of October off the bike. But this year, since I've had so many amazing opportunities and travel to Australia, Spain and London - well, it's time to mix it up. Time to keep some intensity rolling into the winter months. Time to freeze my ass off and go for it with gusto in under 60 minute increments. Guess what else that means? More 29er action in the world class mountain biking trails about 10 minutes from my house.
Take today for instance - clear beautiful blue skies, temps in the low 80s and only a handful of people on the trails enjoying Buckhorn and Captain Jacks. My grin was ear to ear as I crushed downhill (err, well, crushing downhill for me!) and I only nearly ate it once on loose gravel. It didn't take me long to figure out riding on the banked berm not only made my grin grow but the stability much better. I often wonder when I'm in that moment, in pure absolute joy, if someone else can feel it. You know that YAHOO BUDDY! feeling you had today? Yep, we channeled one another. Thanks!
Big, amazing prospects are on the horizon. But more on that later. I've got Benjamin's world famous oatmeal chocolate chip cranberry cookies to consume. YUM!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Paying attention
It sure feels like this is the year of the fire. Not that it isn't always around. But with recent proximity of fires and how close they are hitting home, it's hard to ignore its presence. Not only was the Colorado Spring fire close, but yesterday an arsonist destroyed a good portion of my dad's dealership in Eugene. Buildings can be replaced, people cannot and thankfully no one was hurt, but the memorabilia lost is non-replaceable.
Earlier this year, when the COS fire came so close to our home, I started to ponder what is it about fire that intrigues me. Although devastating by what it can engulf, it also has a strange beauty of renewal. A strong reminder of the circle of life and that nothing in this world is permanent. What can we learn from its beauty? Can we detach ourselves completely from material things? Do you focus on what's gone or do you look at it as a fresh start, a clean slate, or a blank canvas?
It got me thinking about the other major fires in my lifetime: the Bellingham Pipeline explosion, 9/11, driving back from California in September 2008, and Colorado Springs. Every single incident, I was out of town. Coincidence? To that, I can't be sure. So I started looking deeper, trying to find a link...
I mentioned these occurrences to a fire fighting friend of mine and he suggested I look into dungeon and dragons. Seriously. But it was there, in his D&D books that he came across the elements and astrology signs. Maybe there's a connection there? Curious, I looked into Aries, which as it turns out is a fire sign. Mr. Google turned up some interesting results about fire sign characteristics...
"Those with planets in fire signs have a simmering at-the-ready stance, as they hunt for things that light them up. They're prone to sudden illuminating flashes of insight and bursts of enthusiasm. Like fire itself, they can flare up when inspired, making them seem very passionate about life. They like to live large, and often feel frustrated by mundane chores and duties.
"When the fire element is present, there's a warm radiance, a trust in life's journey and a willingness to take risks. Any party or celebration is made better with the presence of a fully-charged up fire sign. They're great catalysts for play, and liable to unearth the spontaneous side of those around them. Because they sense a golden thread of destiny and potential running through their own lives, they have a knack for leading others to theirs.
Earlier this year, when the COS fire came so close to our home, I started to ponder what is it about fire that intrigues me. Although devastating by what it can engulf, it also has a strange beauty of renewal. A strong reminder of the circle of life and that nothing in this world is permanent. What can we learn from its beauty? Can we detach ourselves completely from material things? Do you focus on what's gone or do you look at it as a fresh start, a clean slate, or a blank canvas?
It got me thinking about the other major fires in my lifetime: the Bellingham Pipeline explosion, 9/11, driving back from California in September 2008, and Colorado Springs. Every single incident, I was out of town. Coincidence? To that, I can't be sure. So I started looking deeper, trying to find a link...
I mentioned these occurrences to a fire fighting friend of mine and he suggested I look into dungeon and dragons. Seriously. But it was there, in his D&D books that he came across the elements and astrology signs. Maybe there's a connection there? Curious, I looked into Aries, which as it turns out is a fire sign. Mr. Google turned up some interesting results about fire sign characteristics...
"Those with planets in fire signs have a simmering at-the-ready stance, as they hunt for things that light them up. They're prone to sudden illuminating flashes of insight and bursts of enthusiasm. Like fire itself, they can flare up when inspired, making them seem very passionate about life. They like to live large, and often feel frustrated by mundane chores and duties.
Fire signs are known to be intuitive, and to rely on gut-level
instincts. Going on faith in their inner guidance gets them far, but
they have a tendency to skip crucial steps, or to be unaware of the
emotional impact of their actions."
Hmmm.... okay. But how does that relate to the fires?
Hmmm.... okay. But how does that relate to the fires?
"When the fire element is present, there's a warm radiance, a trust in life's journey and a willingness to take risks. Any party or celebration is made better with the presence of a fully-charged up fire sign. They're great catalysts for play, and liable to unearth the spontaneous side of those around them. Because they sense a golden thread of destiny and potential running through their own lives, they have a knack for leading others to theirs.
Fire signs act on
instinct or "sixth sense," and that makes them look reckless to more
cautious types. They're actually following a powerful intuition that
keeps them at the leading edge of fresh experiences.
Fire is infused with the divine spark, and this can spread like wildfire to everyone around them. They've got a lust for life that is enviable. Those that are weighted down might try to toss a wet blanket on their enthusiasm, so Fire must vigilantly guard its beacon. It's important for them to have cheerleaders to fan the flames of their interests.
But Fire that thinks only of itself learns the wisdom of the other elements the hard way. They'll keep coming up against resistance, until there is willingness to see there are no short cuts. Each of the other elements has something to offer, and in return, Fire gives off a glow that is as nourishing as the rays of the Sun."
Food for thought.
Fire is infused with the divine spark, and this can spread like wildfire to everyone around them. They've got a lust for life that is enviable. Those that are weighted down might try to toss a wet blanket on their enthusiasm, so Fire must vigilantly guard its beacon. It's important for them to have cheerleaders to fan the flames of their interests.
But Fire that thinks only of itself learns the wisdom of the other elements the hard way. They'll keep coming up against resistance, until there is willingness to see there are no short cuts. Each of the other elements has something to offer, and in return, Fire gives off a glow that is as nourishing as the rays of the Sun."
Food for thought.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
A Four Year Journey.
If you would have told me four years ago I'd be where I am now in my life, I wouldn't believe it. Mainly because four years ago, I remember thinking to myself that life couldn't possibly get any better. That I was living the life of my own choosing, racing my bike, in an amazing relationship and living life to the fullest. Ryan and I had the relationship most people dream of - respect, honesty, humor, and passion.
And then the worse possible thing that could happen did. Ryan died in a tragic climbing accident.
Shock, disbelief, sadness, anger. My identity was gone. I didn't know who I was on my own. I started a journey with no clear rules, no direction. Riddled with pain and loss, I had to figure out who I was, on my own.
It never crossed my mind that I would love again. Or that I could be loved again in that way. I experienced some serious lows. There were days when I cried straight through. Days where I didn't want to leave my house. Days I questioned the meaning of life. And months of big hippo tears and sadness. Outwardly I appeared to be holding it together. Inwardly I was crushed.
I spent days searching for some sort of relief. Someway to make time whiz by. I started taking bigger risks, wondering why I was left behind to endure the pain and gut wrenching experience of healing. But I knew the minute I asked that of myself, that there was a reason I was the one left behind. Why I was the one experiencing great loss.
I want to share my story so others who are feeling pain know that there is hope. That life can get better then you can imagine. And there's so much beauty to have known love, true love, than to not know it at all.
Time slowly passed. The year of firsts extremely difficult. Conversations had, relationships nurtured, other lost - all experienced while I was head to toe numb. It took a while to defrost from the deep freeze of grief. I had to feel those lows, to feel hollow and dreadful. Slowly but surely, I started healing. I started to see buds of a new understanding coming to life. They were fleeting at first, but gave me such hope.
And then I stumbled upon the greatest gift of all. The gift of living in the now. The one that values and concentrates on the present. The past is done, the future unknown. All we really have is the now. Good things started happening. Really, really good things. I started laughing more, I started seeing more beauty and love. My heart and soul opened up ready for anything the universe might throw my way.
I started traveling the world, quit biting my fingernails, and met Benjamin. All of those things, all of those adventures and experiences started a momentum in my life. That just when something wonderful would happen, things that I thought were only dreams started to come true, more dreams started to come true. I no longer questioned why things were happening, but I embraced them. I appreciated them and lived them. And more doors started opening. If your heart is open, truly open, anything and everything is possible.
This September marks four years since Ryan's death. And it feels like it's been a lifetime since then. To have gained so much strength, wisdom and knowledge of who I am and how to live has been the biggest gift of all. Thank you time, for showing me that your slow passage does heal all and that living in each moment is the ultimate gift. And thank you Ryan for showing me love and bringing Benjamin into my life.
And then the worse possible thing that could happen did. Ryan died in a tragic climbing accident.
Shock, disbelief, sadness, anger. My identity was gone. I didn't know who I was on my own. I started a journey with no clear rules, no direction. Riddled with pain and loss, I had to figure out who I was, on my own.
It never crossed my mind that I would love again. Or that I could be loved again in that way. I experienced some serious lows. There were days when I cried straight through. Days where I didn't want to leave my house. Days I questioned the meaning of life. And months of big hippo tears and sadness. Outwardly I appeared to be holding it together. Inwardly I was crushed.
I spent days searching for some sort of relief. Someway to make time whiz by. I started taking bigger risks, wondering why I was left behind to endure the pain and gut wrenching experience of healing. But I knew the minute I asked that of myself, that there was a reason I was the one left behind. Why I was the one experiencing great loss.
I want to share my story so others who are feeling pain know that there is hope. That life can get better then you can imagine. And there's so much beauty to have known love, true love, than to not know it at all.
Time slowly passed. The year of firsts extremely difficult. Conversations had, relationships nurtured, other lost - all experienced while I was head to toe numb. It took a while to defrost from the deep freeze of grief. I had to feel those lows, to feel hollow and dreadful. Slowly but surely, I started healing. I started to see buds of a new understanding coming to life. They were fleeting at first, but gave me such hope.
And then I stumbled upon the greatest gift of all. The gift of living in the now. The one that values and concentrates on the present. The past is done, the future unknown. All we really have is the now. Good things started happening. Really, really good things. I started laughing more, I started seeing more beauty and love. My heart and soul opened up ready for anything the universe might throw my way.
I started traveling the world, quit biting my fingernails, and met Benjamin. All of those things, all of those adventures and experiences started a momentum in my life. That just when something wonderful would happen, things that I thought were only dreams started to come true, more dreams started to come true. I no longer questioned why things were happening, but I embraced them. I appreciated them and lived them. And more doors started opening. If your heart is open, truly open, anything and everything is possible.
This September marks four years since Ryan's death. And it feels like it's been a lifetime since then. To have gained so much strength, wisdom and knowledge of who I am and how to live has been the biggest gift of all. Thank you time, for showing me that your slow passage does heal all and that living in each moment is the ultimate gift. And thank you Ryan for showing me love and bringing Benjamin into my life.
Friday, August 10, 2012
The life of your dreams...
What if I told you that you could win the lottery? That you could live the life of your dreams? That the way to create the life of your dreams is to simply dream it first?
Dreams do come true.
Since really taking to heart my mantra of being the master of your own destiny, things have fallen into place. And the more I think about all of the wonderful things in my life, the more I realize that it's the universe bouncing back positive vibrations right at me. Sounds hookey, right?
But it's true.
Need examples? I've got a lifetime full. Moving to Colorado, writing full time, getting a job that is flexible about my time off to race and travel, having a fulfilling and amazing love, surrounded by sweet puppies and feeling so full, so happy each and every day that I wish I could bottle this feeling up and give it to everyone I know.
Two Friday's ago, with a little nudge from a coworker, I booked a last minute ticket to the London XXX Olympic Games to surprise Benjamin. I didn't have a place to stay, or tickets to the velodrome, or a sure way to meet up with him. But at the last minute, I connected with Lauren's husband Mike and had a place to stay as well as tickets. And I even surprised Benjamin! Originally he was going to meet Mike to hand off some helmet decals and I rode down the escalator as they were talking and had an old West Virgina hat from Benjamin's road racing team. Mike mentioned he kept seeing someone in a hat from his old team and he turned around saying, "I probably know them!" He looked right by me, not expecting me there. And once he realized it was me the look of shock and relief was priceless. To be there, to show him my support in person for such a big moment in his life, was amazing. Those are the moments that stick with you through the years, that freeze in your memory and embed in your soul.
I've learned, with increasing frequency, that the bigger the dreams, the bigger the outcome. Taking risks, being adventurous, living life with gusto is challenging at first to make the commitment to, but once you do... your wildest dreams do come true.
Dare to dream. Dare to live.
Dreams do come true.
Since really taking to heart my mantra of being the master of your own destiny, things have fallen into place. And the more I think about all of the wonderful things in my life, the more I realize that it's the universe bouncing back positive vibrations right at me. Sounds hookey, right?
But it's true.
Need examples? I've got a lifetime full. Moving to Colorado, writing full time, getting a job that is flexible about my time off to race and travel, having a fulfilling and amazing love, surrounded by sweet puppies and feeling so full, so happy each and every day that I wish I could bottle this feeling up and give it to everyone I know.
Two Friday's ago, with a little nudge from a coworker, I booked a last minute ticket to the London XXX Olympic Games to surprise Benjamin. I didn't have a place to stay, or tickets to the velodrome, or a sure way to meet up with him. But at the last minute, I connected with Lauren's husband Mike and had a place to stay as well as tickets. And I even surprised Benjamin! Originally he was going to meet Mike to hand off some helmet decals and I rode down the escalator as they were talking and had an old West Virgina hat from Benjamin's road racing team. Mike mentioned he kept seeing someone in a hat from his old team and he turned around saying, "I probably know them!" He looked right by me, not expecting me there. And once he realized it was me the look of shock and relief was priceless. To be there, to show him my support in person for such a big moment in his life, was amazing. Those are the moments that stick with you through the years, that freeze in your memory and embed in your soul.
I've learned, with increasing frequency, that the bigger the dreams, the bigger the outcome. Taking risks, being adventurous, living life with gusto is challenging at first to make the commitment to, but once you do... your wildest dreams do come true.
Dare to dream. Dare to live.
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