Delay

The original plan of heading down to LA today for a week of track familiarization changed as of 8am yesterday. Instead, I'm sticking around till Sunday to celebrate my grandmother's life with my family and training around here. Hopefully the weather holds!

It's hard to believe that this is the first day of fall. Yet there's a nip in the air that wasn't there last week, despite the rain and the leaves are changing to vibrant shades of yellows and reds.

Since there's change in the air - I've decided that it's time to paint the interior of my house. Time to spruce it up a little. Ryan and I painted the entire inside when we first moved in close to 10 years ago (whoa!) and it's time to get rid of the dark dark colors. I need more light in my life (especially with the dark months coming ahead).

Life often has other plans...

I got the call this morning at 8am. My grandmother on my dad's side passed away at 7:30 this morning.

The tears didn't immediately start flowing. I ate my breakfast like normal, drove up from Tacoma and sort of listened to NPR. I got home, started looking into changing my flights and then just started bawling. The reality of losing immediate family came crashing in.

I know this is part of the process. This is the part of life that happens to everyone, no one is immune. Yet I can't deny the sense of loss and the sadness that comes with it, not to mention the big fat alligator tears. (Thank goodness I held onto those hankies from Melinda when Ryan passed.)

Death stirs up all sorts of grief - the reminder that life is too short. The reminder that loving someone is such a risk and absolutely worth it. And that you should be enjoying every single little waking moment of it.

And that family is so important to hold near and dear to your heart. We've only got one shot at this life.

Two more days and then Tela and I head south for some California sunshine! I sure am looking forward to getting out of dodge for a little bit...

Green blobs...

Here's an attempt to make light of the raining situation outside:

Last night marked the first Wednesday night cross practice out at the track, which means the track is now covered in grass and dirt from the entry and exit points of the track. Since it continued raining throughout the night and this morning - that means less clean up for us when it actually dries out!

I get to experience the pain cave on an indoor trainer. And not just any trainer - Jennie's BT wind tunnel beat down machine. Oh the joy!

I won't have to get my hands greasy today with changing gears (though I really don't mind that at all....)

No commute across 520!

I get to hope that it dries out for the afternoon prescribed motor pace session....

Can somebody please put up the billion dollars it will take to build an indoor world class training facility - please?

Game on!

Wow. Yesterday wrecked me. I woke up this morning with a sore jaw from clenching my teeth all night - not sure what brought that on? A cup of joe or two later and I was feeling much better. My work schedule shifted back to a later start - which gave me more time to mess around this morning.

Since I lent Chris my Redline Cross bike, I was in search of some sort of ride to commute into work on. I don't feel comfortable chaining my race bike up so I went deep into the recess of my basement and dug out my original bike. A 1996 vintage Diamondback mountain bike. Bought to commute back and forth to WWU when the mountain bike craze was in full swing - the very same bike that I commented to Ryan on our first ride up the hill to campus - "I'm just not made to ride a bike."



Ha! Talk about eating those words.

It's the same bike Dave took a digger on back in some Fremont bar stumbling days about 7-8 years ago... and it probably hasn't been ridden since. The tires pumped up though, I dusted her off and the shifting works great! Good as new. So what if the saddle points up at a 45 degree angle.

I didn't fully inspect it and as I zoomed down my drive way thinking, this could be dangerous, I nearly ran smack dab into my friend Jonah who was sporting a vintage Softride.



We chuckled at our silly bikes... his excuse being similar in that he needed a commuter bike and his father in law was willing to donate it. So if you see some guy cruising around town on a yellow softride - don't forget to yell - yo Jonah! He'll probably pull a "hi wayne" move.

Ouchie my legs hurt

I have now joined the high tech world. I still might answer my calls on a p.o.s. Razer phone that is held together with clear tape but I now surf the web on an iPad damn it. And How cool is it that i'm sitting in whole foods right now between track sessions surfing on their free wifi? Super cool. But seriously the only reason i bring it up is because it's a temporary distraction from the pain and suffering going on at the velodrome less then a mile away. Today I have double duty out there and in my short break, I just gobbled down a turkey sandwich and am now trying to divert my attention from the pain in my throbbing legs. Yowsa.

Headed back to the pain cave in a short few. This time behind a motor for some simulated points race efforts. Good times, good times.

Inspiration

Friday night was our last race night of the 2010 season for the Marymoor Velodrome Association. Many people are excited to hang up their bikes for the season and take a well-deserved break. Some racing die hards will eagerly jump into cyclocross season using the velodrome as a practice ground, especially for the upcoming Starcrossed race. The next couple of weeks the track will have mud caked on it and the Canadian geese will flock to the infield, leaving a wake of goose poop all over the sprinters lane.

This is when training gets tough.

The days are shorter, the nights and mornings much cooler and the predictability of weather impossible to forecast. And this year, there are only three of us heading down to represent Broadmark and vie for a National title, or two.

Thankfully the weather looks good for the week and those double day track workouts should happen without a hitch. It's the last final push before heading down to LA on the 22nd of September to put some time in on the boards down in LA.

I can count down on my hands the track workouts left for the 2010 season. Every year when the leaves start to change colors and the days are noticeably shorter, I get a bittersweet feeling. I love the feeling of the banking, the wind on my face and the strong headwind the swirls around at the track but will not miss the 520 bridge traffic.

I feel prepared. More prepared then ever before. The attention to detail this year has been taken to a new level and I am excited to demonstrate my ability.

As I sit here, trying to figure out my failed logic with anything that has to do with numbers, and think back on my university years and a big fat fail in accounting... I can't help but wonder - why am I in charge of the books now?

It would be one thing if I continued to make the mistake each time, but no. I like making multiple mistakes and trying multiple ways to fix something.

Wow. Eighteenth time's a charm, right?

Yet another way to realize I'm only human and not some lame-o machine, I guess. :) As as much strength as I have in one area I have absolute weakness in another! Fudge!

Celebration

Today marks the second anniversary of Ryan's death. As much as it is a sad event with lots of trauma involved, it is also a day of celebration. Celebration in remembering someone who lived each day to the fullest. Who made friends everywhere he went and liked to joke around. Who took climbing seriously and got just as excited when a friend on-sight or red-pointed something then his own accomplishments.

The past three weeks were rough. I was constantly bombarded with reminders of his absence and cried, a lot. I felt more alone and lost then I had since he died. But over the weekend, while in Mazama, a cloud lifted. What is normally a moody and difficult time for me - wasn't. I no longer look at Goat Wall with anger. I no longer look up its flanks and imagine what happened on that fateful day. I still wonder why it didn't rain that day - but know that those thoughts are pointless. What happened, happened.

So tonight I'm taking a brown bagged bottle of IPA, going to my favorite spot in the city and will celebrate Ryan's life.



Ryan Alan Murray Triplett June 5, 1977 - September 7, 2008

9/2/01- 9/2/10

I remember on this day, nine years ago, we danced to this song holding one another, blissfully happy in a room of 150 people while they watched us sway. Despite the party crashers, eating nothing but merrion berry cheesecake and shrimp and having my mom intrude into the room later that night - it was absolutely perfect.

Now it becomes a distant and fading memory. But as I listen to our song, it whisks me back into those happy memories. Oh to have felt such love- it was absolutely worth it.

Peaks and Valleys

On Sunday my dad shared with me a touching story. He has been a car salesman all his life and when he used to work for Dunham's, a Cadillac dealer in Eugene, he had a coworker and friend named Ernie (or was his name Arnie, or Bernie?). Ernie had been married for 30+ years and unexpectedly and tragically lost his wife. Yet Ernie's ability to remain optimistic and carry on despite his loss was inspiring. During a managerial meeting one morning, the salesmen were writing down goals and sharing how they stay grounded in what can be uncertain times, especially in the car business. Ernie shared the following:

Life is like a mountain. The trick to survival is knowing that for every summit you stand on top of, there's a valley down below. And for every valley you are in, there's a summit up above. When you stand in those peaks or valleys, just reminder that times will get better and only a step up or down in either direction can help a lot.

Thanks dad, I needed that. And thanks Ernie for having such a good impact on people that it inspires them to share it 20 years after you said it.

Connected this past weekend with family I haven't seen in a while. It was refreshing and fun and a hilarious reminder of how many traits we share being from the same blood. We enjoyed one anothers company and are planning on additional reunions in the future.... but next time I vow to take the train down.

Here's to the last few days of warm summer temps and riding out to the track....

I've been looking at the calendar for ten minutes now - trying to figure out the very last day I saw Ryan. It was Friday, August 29th. He was driving out to Mazama for a week of relaxation, and I was headed out to the track for the last Friday night before heading down to San Jose for Master track nationals. He called me later that night to wish me luck before he went out of cell service range and we talked several more times during the week. We were planning a big extravaganza out to the San Juan islands upon our return to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary.

The grief still comes in waves, with anniversaries, holidays and birthdays bringing it up a notch. I miss him, and always will.

I've been coveting the TK1 Felt dream machine for months. Ever since I first saw one a couple of years ago, I've had fantasy of owning one. First Kenny showed up with one at the track, nearly two years ago. Then Jo showed up with hers, and I drooled. Then Bret. Then Val, my Madison partner. And then Jason at FSA Grand prix.

I tried to find a bike that would fit me like a glove. I've really tried. From Bianchi, to Naked, to Tiemeyer to Blue. The Tiemeyer came the closest to fitting me but yet something just wasn't quite right....

And when a friend of a friend said I could get my hands on the hottest machine on the market right now? I finally pulled the trigger. It came last Monday. It was missing a part but I was able to ride and race it on Friday and I am in love.



And there's no comparison. It is the ultimate machine. It accelerates like nothing else. It tracks like nothing else. I love it, I love it, I love it. It gives me that giddy child like feeling on the bike again. And in a few hours I get to happily punish myself on it again. I can't wait.

Some days I just really miss hearing his voice.

Skate King

Let me take you back. Way back. Back to the shag carpet era. Back to skating around in circles with eight wheels beneath you. To the carpeted walls, disco balls, florescent lights and pop music. To glow sticks, burnt pop corn, questionable corn dogs and over priced sodas. To sweat filled rental skates and big toe blisters from going around only in left hand turns....

To a place that hasn't changed its interior design in 25-30+ years... a place called SKATE KING. It still smells the same- sweaty feet inside leather skates. Who knows what funk grows inside of those old shoes.

Oh yeah. And as an adult it's quite a scene, let me tell you. Trannies, mobsters, old guys with mullets, tank tops and mad hustle.... pig tails, black lights. Backward skates, break dancing on the floor. It was like taking a trip through time. Suddenly I felt 8 again.

Thursday nights. Bellevue. 18 and over only.

Last night I had a wacky dream about doing an all men's Keirin out at Marymoor. The race played out in my head - from start to finish. I was 5th on the line, thrown in but the guys jockeyed for better position in front of me so I ended up being the very last person in a line of 6. The motor took off too - and only two guys were able to stay with it. Then with a lap to go, the motor slowed way down, crashing out the guys in the lead and allowing the rest of us to catch up. The two other guys in front of me were confused by what was going on with the motor, so I buried myself and came around them all for the win. It then played in replay in my own mind - and was a reminder, never give up. You never know what's going to happen.

Crazy, huh?

This morning while getting a massage from Genevieve, I felt like Ryan was with me. I could feel his touch and I was hugging him back with thoughts of being in Yosemite and hanging out in the High Sierra's. Our nine year anniversary is coming up too - and memories of our epic honeymoon and getting stuck over night on the Middle Cathedral Rock seem like it was just yesterday. Ryan was an amazing man and I can't believe it's been nearly two years since he left this planet. Two years goes by quick....

"If you watch water flowing down a river or stream, you will see that it always finds a path. It finds its own path, even if there are big rocks, branches, or logs along the way. Without stopping to worry, the water flows around rocks and other obstacles. It keeps flowing toward its destination. You can flow around obstacles, barriers, worries, or setbacks in your day or life, just like a river. There are ways around or through almost all obstacles if you relax and let yourself flow. So if you are ever discouraged or upset about something, imagine that you are a little stream or powerful river. You are like the water flowing gently down that river. Allow yourself to relax and flow. Let your relaxation and calmness flow you around the obstacles and through the worries toward your destination.

Continue to believe in yourself along the way.
Continue to believe in what you are doing.
Continue to believe in your own value.
Continue to flow along even if there are obstacles.
Follow your own path."

This is one of those weeks where I have to remember - you will feel weaker in order to get stronger. And boy, do I feel weak. The body is being pushed to new limits and I'm holding on for dear life.

I found my true breaking point earlier this week. On the fourth set of pursuit efforts, just after my second 1/2 lap pull, the body and mind decided that enough was enough. And as soon as it did - not a single ounce of remorse, or woulda coulda shoulda's clouded my brain - instead, the extreme desire to pull over, get off my bike and get into the fetal position over whelmed me. It's truly amazing what you can put the human body through in order to make gains.

Here's to working hard and pushing through something that you might not necessarily do otherwise unless you had such big goals....