I don't want to admit the day is coming.
Last night while Ben and I were devouring our cornish game hens with lip smacking intensity, Makiah started whimpering. I looked down and she was stuck under my chair, unable to get up. Her front legs sprawled out, her yelp jolted panic through my body and I levitated off my chair, moving it from on top of her. I bent down and gently petted her so she didn't freak out and then she got up, shook things off and walked away like nothing happened.
Not yet. Her day isn't here yet.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Vampire Weekend
They're collecting dust in our basement, the hundred or so CD's I managed to hold onto from a previous lifetime. They're neatly stacked in a couple of bright orange U-Haul wrapping paper boxes. Artists and songs that instantly transport me to another time and space. A time when Ryan was still alive. A time when I still lived in Seattle. A time when things were different.
Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I'll come across Vampire Weekend. I think it's track 8. A pop album from a new band in 2008 that made a sudden impact. We had a bootlegged copy that would get stuck in our red VW Golf.
When I turned on the car for the first time after learning that Ryan died, this song came blaring to life on the speakers. We had traveled over the North Cascades Highway to retrieve the car parked at the side of the road next to Goat Wall. I didn't want the song to end. I didn't want time to continue to march on. I wanted to hit pause and savor every moment from the minute I found out the news. Every minute that passed meant I was further from my memories of Ryan, further from what had been.
That's what grief did to me. It made me want to stop everything, to absorb every last detail about life and lock it in.
It's been over 8 years since then. And music still transports me. And I've learned not to cling to every moment but to appreciate them for what they are - a reminder to live each day to the fullest.
Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I'll come across Vampire Weekend. I think it's track 8. A pop album from a new band in 2008 that made a sudden impact. We had a bootlegged copy that would get stuck in our red VW Golf.
When I turned on the car for the first time after learning that Ryan died, this song came blaring to life on the speakers. We had traveled over the North Cascades Highway to retrieve the car parked at the side of the road next to Goat Wall. I didn't want the song to end. I didn't want time to continue to march on. I wanted to hit pause and savor every moment from the minute I found out the news. Every minute that passed meant I was further from my memories of Ryan, further from what had been.
That's what grief did to me. It made me want to stop everything, to absorb every last detail about life and lock it in.
It's been over 8 years since then. And music still transports me. And I've learned not to cling to every moment but to appreciate them for what they are - a reminder to live each day to the fullest.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Bathing Suits vs Puffy Jacket Sales
It's been 80 degrees the past week. Sure it's chilly in the mornings but nowhere close to freezing. Since they've been keeping track of weather patterns in the Denver area, we've only had 19 other October's where it hasn't snowed by now. Today the sky is various shades of grey yet the temperature outside read 67 at 7:30am. Last I checked it was late, late October.
I wonder how the lack of cold weather affects clothing sales. We've notice our Tucson camp has few entrants - probably because everyone is riding this wave of warm weather as long as possible before waving the white flag to the cold winter weather. I just erased the 14th email from Patagonia about cold weather jackets with mega sales. Puffy jackets are the farthest thing from my mind.
All that to say - know your audience. Know what environmental factors are influencing your targeted audience. Adjust your message, adjust what you're selling. Get creative about what you're offering here and now and see what resonates.
I wonder how bathing suit and outdoor furniture sales in Colorado are doing? Why not boast a closeout sale and take advantage of this lingering warm weather?
I wonder how the lack of cold weather affects clothing sales. We've notice our Tucson camp has few entrants - probably because everyone is riding this wave of warm weather as long as possible before waving the white flag to the cold winter weather. I just erased the 14th email from Patagonia about cold weather jackets with mega sales. Puffy jackets are the farthest thing from my mind.
All that to say - know your audience. Know what environmental factors are influencing your targeted audience. Adjust your message, adjust what you're selling. Get creative about what you're offering here and now and see what resonates.
I wonder how bathing suit and outdoor furniture sales in Colorado are doing? Why not boast a closeout sale and take advantage of this lingering warm weather?
 |
| Dolly down! All that's missing - a swim suit. |
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Periodization in theory and put into practice
TrainingPeaks has some great tools. One of which is the Annual Training Plan. It allows you to put in your average training hours, mark whether you're strong or weak right now, enter in your upcoming races and categorize them into A, B or C priority.
What I've notice is that most of my athletes are doing too much. They're logging serious hours on the bike and not allowing their bodies to recover from the season. Instead of taking down time now, they're increasing their hours. Perhaps it's based on fear that if they rest now they will be giving up some of their hard earned fitness. Maybe the weather is going to be questionable in the coming months. But if this periodization theory is correct - then what they're doing now may be shooting themselves in the foot later.
In some cases, these athletes don't know what it would feel like to be rested for an event. They are chronically fatigued. And while over-reaching is certainly part of the adaptation process, over-training becomes very plausible and realistic for a few.
So how do you convince someone that resting now will make them stronger later? What if they're so used to pushing their bodies throughout the year that they're unwilling to risk going easy now in order to go super fast later? Are we setting ourselves up for mediocrity by pounding ourselves into submission?
I get to have some down to earth phone calls with athletes this week as we plan for the race season to come. One of the hardest parts of coaching is marrying theory with practice and getting your athletes to be on the same page.
What I've notice is that most of my athletes are doing too much. They're logging serious hours on the bike and not allowing their bodies to recover from the season. Instead of taking down time now, they're increasing their hours. Perhaps it's based on fear that if they rest now they will be giving up some of their hard earned fitness. Maybe the weather is going to be questionable in the coming months. But if this periodization theory is correct - then what they're doing now may be shooting themselves in the foot later.
In some cases, these athletes don't know what it would feel like to be rested for an event. They are chronically fatigued. And while over-reaching is certainly part of the adaptation process, over-training becomes very plausible and realistic for a few.
So how do you convince someone that resting now will make them stronger later? What if they're so used to pushing their bodies throughout the year that they're unwilling to risk going easy now in order to go super fast later? Are we setting ourselves up for mediocrity by pounding ourselves into submission?
I get to have some down to earth phone calls with athletes this week as we plan for the race season to come. One of the hardest parts of coaching is marrying theory with practice and getting your athletes to be on the same page.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Vulnerability
We're all wired differently. Yesterday a woman told me she had anxiety every time she comes to the gym by herself. Even if there are only a few people in the place. She nervously laughed about it - knowing that no one at the gym is judging her. Especially in Gunbarrel. It's not that sort of gym.
Yet we still hesitate to do things that are outside of our comfort zones.
Why is that? Why do we shy away from vulnerability?
I rarely have fear doing something on my own. Going to the gym, riding solo, going to a party alone, spending time with myself - no problem. But getting my thoughts and words out into the world? Petrified.
Often our greatest work is in that space between comfort and vulnerability. Dare to be great.
Yet we still hesitate to do things that are outside of our comfort zones.
Why is that? Why do we shy away from vulnerability?
I rarely have fear doing something on my own. Going to the gym, riding solo, going to a party alone, spending time with myself - no problem. But getting my thoughts and words out into the world? Petrified.
Often our greatest work is in that space between comfort and vulnerability. Dare to be great.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Holding your Feet to the Fire
What are you most afraid of but do anyway?
As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm afraid of public speaking. I have an upcoming presentation in front of 100+ of my coaching peers and I get sweaty palms just thinking about it.
Is it because I'm afraid of how they might judge me? What if I reframe it so that I look at it as an opportunity to share and teach them something I'm passionate about? That no matter what - I value what I do and am excited at the opportunity to share.
Suddenly that takes the fear and sweaty palms out of the equation.
I challenge you to hold your feet to the fire. To recognize something that scares you and to hold yourself in that uncomfortable space for just a little longer than usual to see what comes of it. Beauty unfolds when we stretch and reach and grow.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm afraid of public speaking. I have an upcoming presentation in front of 100+ of my coaching peers and I get sweaty palms just thinking about it.
Is it because I'm afraid of how they might judge me? What if I reframe it so that I look at it as an opportunity to share and teach them something I'm passionate about? That no matter what - I value what I do and am excited at the opportunity to share.
Suddenly that takes the fear and sweaty palms out of the equation.
I challenge you to hold your feet to the fire. To recognize something that scares you and to hold yourself in that uncomfortable space for just a little longer than usual to see what comes of it. Beauty unfolds when we stretch and reach and grow.
Holding your Feet to the Fire
What are you most afraid of but do anyway?
As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm afraid of public speaking. I have an upcoming presentation in front of 100+ of my coaching peers and I get sweaty palms just thinking about it.
Is it because I'm afraid of how they might judge me? What if I reframe it so that I look at it as an opportunity to share and teach them something I'm passionate about? That no matter what - I value what I do and am excited at the opportunity to share.
Suddenly that takes the fear and sweaty palms out of the equation.
I challenge you to hold your feet to the fire. To recognize something that scares you and to hold yourself in that uncomfortable space for just a little longer than usual to see what comes of it. Beauty unfolds when we stretch and reach and grow.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm afraid of public speaking. I have an upcoming presentation in front of 100+ of my coaching peers and I get sweaty palms just thinking about it.
Is it because I'm afraid of how they might judge me? What if I reframe it so that I look at it as an opportunity to share and teach them something I'm passionate about? That no matter what - I value what I do and am excited at the opportunity to share.
Suddenly that takes the fear and sweaty palms out of the equation.
I challenge you to hold your feet to the fire. To recognize something that scares you and to hold yourself in that uncomfortable space for just a little longer than usual to see what comes of it. Beauty unfolds when we stretch and reach and grow.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
And DONE.
It's the end of a four day block of coaching/riding with our ALP Cycles Athletes and I'm cooked. We completed our camp at 3pm and I came home and promptly took a nap - passing out on the couch and enjoying the silence of our house after several days of extroversion.
Don't get me wrong - I really like being around other people. I am a hermit most days of the month at our house in the Gunbarrel neighborhood, barely inside of the Boulder City limits. The only sounds I usually hear mid-week are the tapping of my key board and Moonli's breathing while I write training plans, keeping up on my athletes, writing in my book, etc. And it's really nice to have a break from the routine.
But it's also nice to be home.
Tomorrow I get back into the routine and catching up on some neglected items this previous week from being on the go since Thursday. Here's to doing things outside of your comfort zone and interrupting the usual!
Don't get me wrong - I really like being around other people. I am a hermit most days of the month at our house in the Gunbarrel neighborhood, barely inside of the Boulder City limits. The only sounds I usually hear mid-week are the tapping of my key board and Moonli's breathing while I write training plans, keeping up on my athletes, writing in my book, etc. And it's really nice to have a break from the routine.
But it's also nice to be home.
Tomorrow I get back into the routine and catching up on some neglected items this previous week from being on the go since Thursday. Here's to doing things outside of your comfort zone and interrupting the usual!
Friday, October 21, 2016
Aligning Your Energy
Make sure to surround yourself with people who think like you. For me that means those that laugh, have a good time, don't let the little things bog them down and making the most of every opportunity they're given.
Sometimes we're challenged by those who come into our lives and it can be a mystery as to why they're there. Stick with it though - you never know what valuable lessons you can learn from those people who waltz into your life.
Sometimes we're challenged by those who come into our lives and it can be a mystery as to why they're there. Stick with it though - you never know what valuable lessons you can learn from those people who waltz into your life.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Riding blind
I knew the lead group pulled away even though I can't see them. I couldn't hear the whirl of their rear wheels, the galloping of their bikes and heavy breathing. I't wasn't until we rounded a corner that my suspicions are confirmed and they were 50 yards in front of us and growing. The view from the back of the tandem is limited - mostly of Ben's butt and back and if I'm not bleeding out my eyeballs trying to push as hard as possible, I occasionally glance around.
I feel a sense of shame when I know we're no longer with them. The competitor in me longs to be - so I keep pushing. I don't give up. I keep my head down, focused on the pain and continue to strive for more power. If I had been on my own bike, I'd likely have given up long ago - but on the tandem, I keep pushing.
That's the strength and beauty of riding the tandem. The knowledge that your partner is reliant on your effort. I will fight to the very end for Benjamin. And I love that even if that's not enough, even if we fall off the lead group and have to chase like hell, he's there for me.
It's funny how self-doubt and criticism seats in when you least expect it. How I genuinely felt let down we couldn't keep pace with guys whose power output is double, if not triple, what I can do. Even when you combine our power and Ben's strength - it's still not enough. I'm the weak link. Ben made a comment about having a guy on the back and how fast they would go and a sense of panic sets in - I don't want to be replaced. I know that's irrational but the doubt starts as a seed and from that continues to grow.
Do you ever feel like you're not good enough for your partner? That you're letting them down not rising to their hopes and expectations? And do you let that little demon of debt snowball into other parts of your life?
Me neither. Ha! (Just kidding.)
It takes courage to bring up what makes us vulnerable. To have those conversations - with our self and others - so that you end up giving voice to the monsters, which in turn shrinks the power they have over you.
Ask the questions. Bring up the subjects that seem silly and petty. Even if it's from the back of a tandem where you can't see much.
I feel a sense of shame when I know we're no longer with them. The competitor in me longs to be - so I keep pushing. I don't give up. I keep my head down, focused on the pain and continue to strive for more power. If I had been on my own bike, I'd likely have given up long ago - but on the tandem, I keep pushing.
That's the strength and beauty of riding the tandem. The knowledge that your partner is reliant on your effort. I will fight to the very end for Benjamin. And I love that even if that's not enough, even if we fall off the lead group and have to chase like hell, he's there for me.
It's funny how self-doubt and criticism seats in when you least expect it. How I genuinely felt let down we couldn't keep pace with guys whose power output is double, if not triple, what I can do. Even when you combine our power and Ben's strength - it's still not enough. I'm the weak link. Ben made a comment about having a guy on the back and how fast they would go and a sense of panic sets in - I don't want to be replaced. I know that's irrational but the doubt starts as a seed and from that continues to grow.
Do you ever feel like you're not good enough for your partner? That you're letting them down not rising to their hopes and expectations? And do you let that little demon of debt snowball into other parts of your life?
Me neither. Ha! (Just kidding.)
It takes courage to bring up what makes us vulnerable. To have those conversations - with our self and others - so that you end up giving voice to the monsters, which in turn shrinks the power they have over you.
Ask the questions. Bring up the subjects that seem silly and petty. Even if it's from the back of a tandem where you can't see much.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Tandem Training - Tour de Tucson
We're prepping for the Tour de Tucson - a 110 mile jaunt through the mostly flat portions of Tucson in November. Last year we stepped onto the scene as newcomers and won the mixed tandem division - camelback clad and all - beating Travis McCabe and Norene. Norene has held the tandem title for the past 10(?) years and usually partners up with her husband Paul, but injury prevented him from racing. Thanks to social media - we know Norene and Paul have been training... gulp.
Due to our inexperience at "The Tour" (as the locals call it and not to be confused with the Tour de France), we stared way back in the first corral and fought our way to the front in the first 6 miles having to dismount in the first sandy wash section and then fight our way back onto the chasing group.
It was SO much FUN!!!!
It was our somewhat maiden voyage on the tandem last year and since then we've logged 50+ hours in the saddle together, dialing in our standing, sprinting and tucking techniques. We'll be duking it out again in about a month from now. Oh and because of our placement last year, we get to start at the front of the corral.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Back to it...
I know, I know. I've said it before to myself at least a hundred times. I NEED to get back to regular blogging. And after listening to an inspiring conversation between Marie Forleo and Seth Godin (two of my favorite change agents) - I'm ready. Let's do this.
It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect. But what it be me. 100%. Vulnerable, strong, passionate.
I've been practicing since we last met. My shelves are lined with hand written Moleskin journals. I've collected thoughts, observations, opinions, perspectives - you name it. Yet something prevented me from sharing them. I started becoming a very private person. Or on second thought, was it a sense of self-doubt?
Either way, I'm getting my voice back out there. I want to leverage this platform that grew undoubtedly bigger than we could have imagined. And while my posts may no longer be about cycling or grief, they will be about the real live connections that I share with people, with the world in which I live.
Let's do this.
It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect. But what it be me. 100%. Vulnerable, strong, passionate.
I've been practicing since we last met. My shelves are lined with hand written Moleskin journals. I've collected thoughts, observations, opinions, perspectives - you name it. Yet something prevented me from sharing them. I started becoming a very private person. Or on second thought, was it a sense of self-doubt?
Either way, I'm getting my voice back out there. I want to leverage this platform that grew undoubtedly bigger than we could have imagined. And while my posts may no longer be about cycling or grief, they will be about the real live connections that I share with people, with the world in which I live.
Let's do this.
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